MY 2010 SPEECH

"Even if we still want to stay, we have to go forward, let go, and move on. The clock will continue to tick even if we stop working."

I know this line sounds familiar to some of you. I uttered these words during our high school graduation. It may sound so cliche now, but really, I just grasped its fruitful meaning the day I stepped into college. 

You may wonder why. Yeah. WHY? I was the one who made that speech, so why put words if I don’t know the meaning? I also asked myself that question. Then I found out the answer to my question. I usually take for granted word meanings before. But now I know that every word, every single word we say or speak everyday, has its own deep meaning that can affect our lives forever.

That quote above is the philosophy I always bring wherever I go lately. It is the perfect explanation of our college life. It’s so fast! I sometimes can’t even race with its pace. We fail on a certain exam today; we start to study for a new topic tomorrow. I sometimes can’t even get it. We don’t even have the time anymore to grieve for a 57 percent exam. Haha! I know. We seldom see great friends now. Even our own classmates, we don’t get that much bonding time because of conflict of schedules. Well, that’s college. It’s fast. We have to race with its pace. We have to learn how to accept things immediately. And whatever happens, LIFE GOES ON.

Days from now, it will be another year --- a start of a new decade. So before the early 21^st century ends, let me thank the people whom have touched my life and gave me oh so much inspiration. Whether you like it or not, you will be all connected to me now, forever. >:)

TO ALL MY HIGH SCHOOL CHUMS --- MarJiDiChel, joinerz 04 and 07, T.R.I.P.O.D, LDR 789, the CONOANZ, CLiMsterz, gorettianz, OLPHianz, PEDROSITOHZ, MARKerz, --- name it all!!! Hahaha! Did I forget something? I hope I did not. But if I did, please accept my apologies. Well anyway, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I just can’t help it but laugh at myself because next next year, 2011, you will all graduate already. And me?! A big hahaha! I will still be in school then finishing my third year in ECE and will still be eating numbers. I know we all want to have a mega reunion. But I hope you can wait for me. Let me graduate first, please? Haha. Then we will definitely have that major Marco Polo conference room reunion or that Asian cruise trip as what Aya said. Hahaha! Thank you for always supporting me even though we are all miles away from each other due to our own responsibilities and priorities. Don’t worry. We’re gonna bond absolutely some time soon. (kinsa sunod mag birthday?! hahaha!) And oh, thanks to Shishi for helping me out in my Integral Calculus. I’m progressing na shi. Hihi. I hope I will finally find my range na jud.

TO MY ARKI PEEPS, I miss drawing. *sad* hahaha! Yeah really. I don’t know why but my hand is craving for B pencils and sketchpad lately. I was planning to sketch this Christmas break, but then I got too lazy so I think, next time, maybe this summer. I got my subject already so yeah, next time. I just hope I still know those techniques we learned in visual tech. hahaha! Thanks for always being there, never forgetting me even though I shifted and transferred already. (i know im being drama now. haha.) Thanks for the one of a kind friendship na kahit sa text, fb, ym, skype lang tayo minsan nag cocommunicate. Good luck in all your plates. Graduate na ako diyan. Haha! And when you graduate, imma let you design my house. Actually, I have my plans na. I’ll just let you improve it. I hope the service is for free. Hahaha!

TO MY ECE FRIENDS, thank you. *big grin* I prayed to God that He will give me the family that I will need in order to survive the remaining years in engineering. But instead, He gave me a FAMILY TREE that I never expected. From ECE 2 to ECE 3, 4, 5 as well as ECE 1!!! This year was a blast! Thank you for welcoming me into your family --- for accepting a new kulit member. Even though I’m new, you did not let me feel that I’m “others” and that I don’t have a space in your family circle. To our ate’s and kuya’s, thank you for taking care of us, your little siblings. I’m really looking forward for our next acquaintance party. I just hope we will not have any projects slash exam when that happens. Haha! Yeah! YOU SAY FAMILY? I SAY ECE! (plano ko ni sa tshrt nxtyr. hahaha) And to my fellow Integral Calculus takers, lezz take away all our worries and doubts. We still have midterm and prefi. WE CAN STILL MAKE MAJOR BAWI. We just have to work harder and believe WE CAN. Just have this as your mindset. If we pass this subject handled by Ma’am Ferraren, then it’s like winning the 700 million jackpot in lotto. :)))))))

TO RALPH, oh, I have the courage now to mention your name. Haha! Well I know you will not read this. I just want you to know that I am still your friend and I do consider you my friend too and I really want us to become friends and that I want to spend time with you again someday --- laugh until our lungs get out just like what usual friends do. Thanks Ralph. You know what that is for. :)))))))))))

TO JAKE, KEVIN JAKE, well what can I say? Uhm welcome to my speech thingy. Haha! I know this is weird but please just bear with it. Thank you for wormy-birdy and aubrey-jakey. Thank you for the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds that you spent with me. Thank you for texting me last june 19, 2010. Thank you for treating me to eclipse. Thank you for July 18, 19, 24, Aug 8, 13, 14, 19, 24, 27, Sept 5, 11, 13, 17, 25, 26, 27, and Oct 13 and 21. Though Dec 23 was not a so good day, I still believe in the power of friendship. (andito na naman si friendship. pabida lagi na siya? haha) Yeah. No joke. I will always be your aubrey and you will always be my jake. (bahala na kung naay mupalag. haha) What we had? No one and nothing can take it anymore. It’s like a data stored already in the memory card, a memory stored in our brains, an EVENT stored in our HISTORY. Thanks jake! I hope too we can spend some time again soon. I miss punching you and your gaya-gaya acts. Haha! Do you know how to read french? :))))))))))

TO MY FAMILY --- mommy, papa, arvin. *cries* Sorry if sometimes I can’t live up to your expectations. Sorry, sometimes I’m bad. Sorry, I should be in third year now. Sorry if I am currently struggling to pass my subjects. Haha. Yeah I know. You told me I can do this and this is engineering life and IF ever, IF, I fail, there is still summer for me to take it up again. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to disappoint you. I am really working hard to pass so that I could see all your happy faces again this March. Yeah! I will this. I will! I can! Thanks for your unending support and love and care and for just being there always. Don’t worry. Someday, you will be proud of me. One day, I will be, ENGR. AMPER. :)))))))))

TO GOD, THANK YOU OH SO MUCH!!! MY LIFE IS DEFINITELY THE BEST GIFT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME! EVER! I cannot imagine what it would be if I did not live in this world. Thank you very much! Memories. Experiences. Lessons. Belongingness. Relationships. These are just some life’s gifts to me. I would not have it if You, Yourself, did not give it to me. Thank you for always making a new bright day everyday for me (us). It just emphasizes more that everyday is really a new day. If I fail today, I can always have tomorrow to learn from my mistakes and make them all right. Thank You also for letting me meet such wonderful people this year. I hope next year would be fantastic too, an amazing start for the next decade. I know there will still be humps ahead, but as I always say, please, dahan-dahan lang po. :))))))))))))

Ay! Wait wait wait! TO TRIPOD! Hahahaha! I have observed that in 2010, we only had TWO bondings that we were complete --- my 18th birthday and dash's 18th birthday. Other than that, it was a jerk-dash bonding or a yabee-yabee bonding. It may sound so sad, but I understand. I know you both understand too. We are all now busy doing each our stuffs. So itchuki. As long as we know we love each other and we're here to support each other. Let us worry not. There are still 365 days coming ahead. I'm sure we can have at least 3 days to bond and beat our 2010 record. Hahahaha! I LOVE YOU DASH AND YABEE! THANK YOU AS ALWAYS! And oh yabee! Don’t think anymore that dash is mad at you or what. She’s not. WE ARE NOT. We love you and we understand. In fact we are already waiting for your graduation day, because REALLY, you will be the FIRST one to graduate among us three. (then sunod si dash at, oh na oh na, ako last. haha) :))))))))

So that’s it people. My annual speech ends here. Thank you for sticking up with me through the years and for the next years to come. Until the 2011 speech! Lezz make more and more and more memories together! YEAH! Spread the LOVE people! Everybody needs it everyday. :)))))))))

NO REGRETS.

JUST LESSONS LEARNED.

*smile*

A MILLIONAIRE'S FIRST LOVE

lately, i have been watching korean drama movies. this is my way of getting out the boredom of my christmas vacation. it's just 14 days. so i have to make the most out of it.

i had many things planned for this break. write, draw, watch movie, guitar, blog, etc. there's only one thing i haven't done yet. and it's drawing. i was planning to go back to sketching and draw a portrait of someone i think i owe something. but too bad, i got lazy again getting my pencils and sketchpad. so i just dropped that idea and concentrate more on writing and watching movies.

i have already watched a couple of korean movies for the past days and one thai movie also. and i do admit, i cried in all those films. until today, i watched this film entitled "a millionaire's first love", this movie made me cry the most among all the films i watched this break.

cry? what's with cry? i know it's just normal to cry when watching melodramatic movies. but today's cry was really to the boiling point. it's SOBBING. my tears were really continuously flowing from time to time --- that even though i wanted to stop it, i FORCED to stop it, it just flowed and flowed, rolled down my cheeks. i can't even breathe because the mucus are sticking inside my nose. hahahaha. :))))))))

but what made me really wonder is that, why did i cry so hard for a movie? i am not like this before. oh yeah i cry but just two or three tears. not like now, i cried two or three liters of tears. hahaha. then i realized, it's not the movie i was crying for. it's what had happened before.

okay. last dec. 23, jake (kevin) and i called it "quits". i texted him the day before and after 21 hours, he replied. he replied to me with a message stating that he's ending our "relationship" and that he's sorry and said goodbye. and as for me, i think i have expected it already, so i just agreed to what he said. yeah i think it's better for us to be not romantically linked anymore. i think, like what he said, yeah, we're better off friends. i didn't ask anymore why he had came up with a decision like that, what's the reason behind all the cold things and what was really his FEELINGS during our cold stage. okay call me a jerk. you can slap me on the face, but my being understanding ignited again. maybe because i expected already the outcome, maybe because i knew already what would happen, that's why i didn't ask anymore for any explanations. we were even exchanging jokes and laughing on that text session we had. i just don't know if he was REALLY happy slash laughing at that moment. i just don't know if I was REALLY happy slash laughing at that moment.

i think the movie "a millionaire's first love" was just my excuse to cry. it was just my excuse to sob for something i don't want to grieve for anymore. it was my excuse to go back to that day i want to forget. it was my excuse to say goodbye to all the things i had with jake. it was my excuse to instill in my mind that i will undergo another move on surgery in my life. it was a very good excuse. and i thank God for that excuse.

"THE HARDEST PART OF ENDING IS STARTING AGAIN."

-Linkin Park

LATE

i know it's late but as the saying goes, better late than never.

HAPPY CANDLE CAKES DAY JESUS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SENTI SANDALI

just watched vampire diaries episode 11 this afternoon. then heard the song longest night by howie day. really good song. and it led me to where i am now --- writing this post about a certain person named kevin jake.

i told myself that i will talk to him when christmas break comes. but i changed my mind. why? i don't know where to start --- HOW to start. besides, i think he's not in the city. i remember he told me he was going to be out of town for the holidays. so no signal. i guess that's the sign. we are not meant to be. so no talk will happen this christmas break. that's what i think.

i just want to talk to him and settle things out. you know what i mean. he knows what i mean. i don't want this o not have a proper closure or whatever you call it. i don't want this to have a hanging ending like what most books and movies have.

IF IT'S A YES THEN LET'S GIVE IT ONE MORE SHOT.

IF IT'S A NO THEN SO BE IT.

life's like that. people come. people go.

DREAM

just this afternoon, i slept and had a dream that i got all failing marks in my integral calculus exams. for a little while, a very little while, just a short snap of a second, i felt happy because it was just a dream. then i realized, it was not a dream at all. i woke up seeing my test papers all blooded with a very low score. after that, i do not know what to do anymore.

i just want to cry but i won't anymore. i don't want to worsen my already worse colds.

i want to make bawi. i will make bawi. please no more hindrances.

*sad face*

PV = nRT

napag-isipan kong mag post ulit dito. hindi ko alam kung bakit. wala pa sana akong balak. pero parang di ko na yata kaya ang mga dinadala ko ngayon. kaya mabuti na lang at merong blogspot. savior ka talaga ng buhay ko. to the rescue ika nga.

oo. aaminin ko. umiiyak ako habang ginagawa ko to. idagdag mo pa diyan ang senti songs na nasa winamp ko ngayon. the only exception, the day you said goodnight acoustic version, never say never (the fray ha! hindi yung kay justin bieber.), hiling (yung may lines talaga nila na "is this about me leaving?" kinonvert ko ang video to mp3. salamat sa any video converter.) --- oh yan. yang mga yan ang bida ng playlist ko ngayon. pa balik balik. sino ba naman daw ang hindi maiiyak aber? kahit siguro si TD, kung nakaka iyak lang siya, ay umiyak na rin ngayon kasabay ako.

grabe. isang word lang ang makakapag describe sa akin ngayon - PRESSURE. bago ko lang napagtanto. sa lahat ng nangyayari sa akin ngayon, tinatablan na ako ng pressure. di ko nga namalayan eh. yan din pala lesson namin sa physics ngayon. tapos di pa ako nakikinig ng mabuti. dapat pala pinakinggan ko yun ng mabuti. para malaman ko kung ano ba dapat gawin para lumiit ang pressure. ah naalala ko na. PV = nRT. so para lumiit ang pressure, dapat liitan ko si whaaaaaaaaat?! TEMPERATURE!? hahahahahahaha!!!!! funny man ito ui. nakakatawa! super laughtrip! bakit?! eh kasi, COLD na nga ako ngayon eh. member na nga ng SMP (samahan ng malalamig ang pasko). so, bakit pa ba mataas ang pressure na nararamdaman ko?! hmm. alam ko na. ang liit ni volume. kahit anong kain ang gawin ko, 40 kgs pa rin ako. siguro nga. siguro yan ang dahilan. na kahit COLD ako ngayon at mababa na si temperature, mataas pa rin si pressure dahil ang liit ni volume. sigh sigh sigh. kung kasing galing lang ni einstein ang utak ko sa pag lalaro ng mga equations, gagawa ako ng isang panibagong equation na makakaliit sa value ng pressure. yun nga lang, hindi ako si einstein. kaya wala akong magagawa kundi tanggapin ang pressure na ito at humanap ng outlet para mapalabas ito. o mas maganda, gumawa ng paraan para maging pantay ang inner at outer pressures para di na magkaroon ng gulo. mga boiling points.

haaaaaay. yan na lang muna ang masasabi ko ngayon. gusto kong sumigaw. gusto kong manuntok ng tao. gusto kong makipagsabunutan. gusto kong makipag away. pero dahil alam kong mali ang lahat ng iyon, di ko gagawin. kaya ngayon andito ako, naka upo, nananahimik, at sumusulat na lang dito sa blog ko. let my mind do the talking na lang. umiyak kung di na makayanan. ganyan naman talaga ang buhay eh. at ang pag iyak ay hindi isang simbolo ng kahinaan. bagkus ito'y nagpapatunay lamang na ikaw ay matapang dahil tinanggap mo ang hamon kahit mahirap at nakayanan mong umiyak, AMININ na hindi mo na kaya. dumarating naman talaga sa buhay natin ang mga pagkakataong di na talaga natin kaya. nasa pag iyak lang yan. pagpapalabas ng sama ng loob. after all, pagkatapos ng iyak mo, di mo lang napapansin, lumalakas ka. may isang panibagong IKAW ang uusbong. wala na ang mga hinanakit at mga sama ng loob. napalabas mo na lahat eh. iniyak mo na di ba? kaya ngayon, iiyak ako. depende na nga lang kung may tutulong luha. oh baka bukas. oh sa makalawa. depende. depende na lang talaga. ayoko na pati sa pag iyak ko, ay ma PRESSURE pa ako kung ngayon ba o bukas, kung may lalabas bang luha o wala.

BOTTOMLINE IS, I'M SAD. AND SOMEHOW I'M A BIT FRUSTRATED. WHY? BECAUSE I WANT TO BE HAPPY THIS CHRISTMAS. BUT IT SEEMS THAT DESTINY PUT ME ON THE OTHER SIDE.

*cries*

BISAYA

kaila ka ug sad kaayo ko karon? haha. ambot lang naunsa na ko. basta ang sure lang, SAD jud ko. kung naa pay sobra sa word na sad, AKO NA TO.

bagsak ko sa first ever integ exam. kaila kag sagad kaayo akong score?! mas gamay pa sa ma imagine nimo na gamay. first ever so sayon jud siya kay first gud. mga basic pa lang. pero unsay nahitabo!? i messed it up. ambot naunsa ko katong day na to. basta ang maremember lang jud na ko gikulbaan ko na wala na ko kabalo unsa dapat isipun ug unsa dapat unahon. ambot lang pud ngano gikulbaan ko. mao nang mas makalagot. mas maka sad. sayon na gani, wala pa jud ko ka answer. *(^&%#(!&@$)!^$&%$)!^$%)!)@%&@^$* :'(((((

mao na karon, wala ko kabalo unsa dapat buhaton. basta ang sure lang, magstudy ko. magpakalunod sa study kay gusto jud nako mubawi gikan sa sagad kaayo  na score sa first exam. maka depress. sakit kaayo sa heart. mas sobra pa sa gibyaan ug uyab. bahala na jud wala koy lovelife, BASTA PASA KO SA INTEG! MUPASA KO SA INTEG! unta. unta jud. di ko gusto mabagsak. di jud ko. kabalo ko gina ingon nila na normal lang mabagsak sa engineering. pero lain jud sa feeling. gusto lang jud nako na mupasa ko. walay bagsak. ug straight ma regular. go galore. go galore. go fight win. pero huhuhuhuhuhu. sakit lang jud sa karon. sakit jud kaayo. mas sobra pa sa gibyaan ug uyab. :'((

INTEGRAL CALCULUS, BATI NA TAYO. HUWAG NA TAYONG MAG AWAY. PARA SMOOTH NA ANG TAKBO NG ATING RELASYON. PARA MASAYA NA TAYONG DALAWA FOREVER. SIGE NA. PEACE NA. :((

IMMA BLOG

imma blog because i have many things to share.

imma say tonight was very fun. we invaded master's crib. (me, anin, rupu and mice) it was master's birthday so go galore. eat eat eat! food was very yum yum! we always look forward to master's birthday because of the food. haha. shrimps and crabs everywhere! plus the very yum kinilaw too. YEAH! until next year! for sure we're gonna be there again. :))

imma share.... uhm share what? hahaha! just love the girl talk that happened there at the party. it's been so long since i had that kind of girl talk. fuuuuuuuun! learned a lot! especially from mice, the philosophy major! YEAH! from high school love teams up to college relationships. the philosophy of man! men! woman! women! very true! imma apply it. >:)

imma shout outs to master. HAPPY CANDLE CAKES DAY FRANCIS IAN MALONE! next year, expect us to be there again. shrimp shrimp shrimp! haha.

what else? uhm. i think no imma's anymore. imma stop here. until next time. until the next blog post.

HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS, LET'S GET REUNITED VERY VERY SOON!
HIGH SCHOOL REALLY NEVER ENDS! :DDD

STEVEN R. MCQUEEN

he replied to my tweet!!! hahaha! i know it's kinda babaw but i don't care. i felt happy and it made me smile. hahaha. oh alam ko ang babaw ng kaligayahan ko pero sige na, pagbigyan niyo na ako ngayon. minsan lang ako ganito. hahaha! i love you jeremy! i love you steven r. mcqueen! hahaha! naloka talaga ako ng todo. :))

jeremy rocks!

jeremy-bonnie rocks!

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES ROCKS!

ADJUSMENT STAGE (TAGLISH MODE)

nagpag-isipan kong magtatagalog ako sa bagong post na ito. wala lang. gusto ko lang maging makabayan ngayon. isang taon na rin mula noong gumamit ako ng wikang tagalog. alam ko. hindi ito ang wikang pambansa ng pilipinas. wikang filipino oo. pero parte pa rin naman ang tagalog sa wikang filipino. baka kasi mapagalitan pa ako ng guro ko sa asignaturang filipino. hahaha.

ano ba ang ikukwento ko ngayon dito? marami. unahin na natin ang unang tatlong araw ko sa bagong semestre na ito. isa lang ang masasabi ko, kapoy. hahaha! hindi naman sa seryosohang pagod ako, oo nakakapagod nga naman talaga, pero ganyan naman talaga ang buhay ng isang estudyante di ba? aral dito. aral doon. walang tulog dito. walang tulog doon. kayod ng kayod. haha. pahirapan na nga ito. lalo na at integral calculus na ako, physics 2 pa, at may schedule pang walang break tuwing martes at huwebes. oo nagpapasalamat na ako dahil wala akong klase sa gabi pero yun nga. baka makatulog ako sa panghapon ko na klase tuwing martes at huwebes dahil wala kaming break --- walang oras para makasaglit ng tulog. haha. medyo mataas-taas din ang break namin tuwing lunes, miyerkules at biyernes. oo masaya pero butas naman ang bulsa. haha. dahil nga break, walang magawa. kaya ang resulta, punta ng foodcourt at kumain. o kaya punta sa isang lugar at kumain pa rin. haha. butas na butas na talaga pati pitaka. pero ngayon lang siguro to. di pa kasi klaro ang mga klase. walang teacher. o kaya naman ang teacher ay ayaw pa magturo. sa bagay, estudyante nga may hang over pa sa sembreak, teacher pa kaya? haha.

pero sa pangkalahatan, nagpapasalamat pa rin ako sa schedule ko. maganda na kumpara sa iba na ang laki ng mga vacant at may klase pa sa gabi. masasanay lang din ako nito. bago pa kasi. adjustment  stage pa kumbaga. masaya na rin. basta't may kasama ka tuwing vacant period mo at tuwing haggard ka na masyado dahil sa sobrang stress sa pag-aaral. salamat sa mga kaklase ko. salamat ece friends. ^_^

pero eto na ata ang pinaka-bonggang rebelasyon sa nakuha namin sa unang tatlong araw na ikalawang semestre. tenteneneeeeeeeeen!!! si ma'am ferraren ang guro namin sa integral calculus!!! hahahahaha! ang isa sa mga pinakatatakutang guro sa buong ea division. hindi sa nangangain siya ng estudyante, mahirap lang talaga siya magbigay ng exams. yung tipong piga talaga ang utak mo sa kakaisip ng sagot at sa pag-aalala kung tama ba ang mga sagot mo o hindi. hahaha! dalawang beses ko na siya naging guro. una sa college algebra. at ikalawa sa analytic geometry. at aaminin kong, kayod kalabaw talaga ako noong mga panahong iyon. haha! sa kanya lang ako nakaranas ng scores na 54%, 60%, final grade na 79 at unang bagsak sa isang prelim grade na iniyakan ko talaga, 72. hahaha! oo, mahirap kapag ma'am ferraren ka. pero natutunan ko noong under pa ako niya, hardwork lang talaga. pag ma'am ferraren ka, expected na talaga na extended hours of practice at kayod todo max. no calculators pa so double work talaga. so eto nga, hello ma'am ferraren kami lahat. hello kapoy. pero itchuki. sabi pa nga niya it's for us also. tama nga naman. this is for us to improve our analytical skills. ^_^ (nandyan na naman si analytical skills. hahaha!) kakayanin ko to! mag-aaral ako! papasa ako! :))

pansin ko lang, taglish na ata ako sa parteng ito ng post ko? hahaha! sige lang. patuloy.

ano pa ba ikukwento ko? ay eto. masaya lang. dahil sa wala pa masyadong klase, bonding kami mga classmates. masaya ako dahil mas lumawak na kami. pag lunch kasama na namin sila ron, nem, harl, teng, fishy, meg. minsan naman kasama namin si mary ann (my dear anak. haha.) at si kakay. see?! the more the merrier! ang saya! haha. lalo na at close close na rin kami mga boys. and i'm loving it. masaya din kasi pag marami ka friends na boys. at least you know what they feel. right ron? tama ba? hahaha! at si jong ay nag enroll na rin kanina so go galore! can't wait for a fun filled second sem again. pero yun nga. hindi rin dapat alisin sa mindset ko na kelangan kong mag-aral para pumasa. dahil duguan na nga ang mga subjects ngayon. go study go.  ^_^

at para sa huling talata na eto, oo nga, palagi na lang huli. di ko kasi alam kung ano ang una kong sasabihin --- kung paano ko sisimulan ang isang istorya na may topic na ganito. ang bobo ko pagdating sa mga ganitong kwento. oo. bobo. hahaha! wala na akong ibang maisip. basta ganun. mahirap.

oh eto na. (inhale exhale) cold stage --- isang instance sa buhay mo kung saan mararanasan mo kung may special someone ka o kahit di special someone, pwede rin kapamilya, kaibigan, o sa madaling salita, taong mahal mo. sa kaso ko, special somene ang para sa akin. ito ay yung tipong may pinagdadaanan kayo. oo, problema. hindi kayo okay. sa kaso namin (namin na talaga. sinali ko na siya. haha.) may problema nga. i mean, nabagsak siya sa integral calculus niya. nalito siya kung magshishift siya o hindi. hanggang sa nakadesisyon siya hindi na lang at manatili sa kasalukuyang kurso niya. alam ko mahirap. napagdaanan ko na rin kasi yan. mahirap ang lahat. panibagong buhay. adjustment stage na naman. maraming kelang i-adjust. studies, friends, family, environment, at siguro, ako na rin. parte ako ng buhay niya (siguro. haha.) kaya kasali ako sa kelangan i-adjust. too sad i think i am at his last priority (okay lang. tanggap ko rin. and i guess ganun naman talaga dapat.), kaya ako ang kelangan isakripisyo. sacrificial lamb kumbaga. (kawawang ako. haha.) ayun. napansin ko talaga on the latter part of the sembreak na cold na siya sa akin at para bang hindi siya "siya". wala sa sarili? ewan. wala siya sa usual self niya. noong una binabalewala ko lang. pero katagalan, nagtaka na talaga ako at para bang hindi na ito pangkaraniwan. halos ayaw ko pang aminin at sabihin. hanggang sa nakapag desisyon ako na sumulat ng isang letter at doon ilagay ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. nagawa ko naman. (thank you LORD! na brave ko kadali. haha.) at ayun. confirmed. tama ang hinala ko na cold talaga siya. nagsorry siya and all. sinabi niya na may personal problems siyang pinagdadaanan ngayon at isa na dun yung about sa academics niya. ako naman, sinabi ko lang na sige okay. unahin mo muna yan. sinabi kong bibigyan ko muna siya ng time and space para makapag-isip at gawin ang mga dapat niyang gawin ukol sa stage na ito ng buhay niya. mahirap. pero kelangan. at kakayanin. hahuy hahuy. hanggang ngayon di pa kami okay. nagkikita nga sa school pero di naman nagpapansinan. nagpapansinan nga minsan pero hi at hello lang. konting ngiti. pero hindi talaga yung mga pasikat braces na ngiti. sa totoo lang, namimiss ko yung mga pasikat braces niya, yung mga gaya gaya puto maya moments niya sa akin. dumidila ako. gagayahin niya. didila din siya. susuntukin ko siya, sisigaw yan ng aray at sabay sabi ng please wag na. tama na. namimiss ko kapag pumupunta siya sa classroom namin para makita ako kahit sandali lang. mga sandaling kahit limang minuto lang ay masaya naman ako. aanhin ko ang isang araw kung di naman kami okay. siguro nga mas masaya yun. oo nga. mas masaya yung mga sandaling limang minuto lang pero alam namin okay kami, nagtatawanan. kahit non sense ang pinag-uusapan, tawa pa rin. pasikat na naman yung braces niya. didilaan ko na naman siya. gagayahin niya ako. susuntukin ko siya. WOAH. nakakamiss. kalungkot nga lang. noon yun. hindi ko na alam kung ano ngayon. adjustment stage. adjustment stage din ako. acceptance is the only key.

pero ang mas nakakamiss? si bird at si wormy. aaminin ko. i miss him calling me wormy. yung para siyang bata pag tinatawag niya ako ng wormy. at para din akong bata sumagot ng bird. wormy wormy wormy!!!!! --- isa sa mga text niyang di ko talaga binura dahil alam kong precious yun. tama nga. priceless possession sa ngayon. dahil di ko alam kung kelan ulit ako makakatanggap ng wormy wormy wormy na text message o kaya kelan ko ulit maririnig ang salitang wormy galing sa bibig niya. (kawawang wormy. kinain na siguro ng mga isda. haha.)

JAKE,

i don't know if you'll read this. i know you read my blog but i don't know if you've been reading it lately. i'll just leave it up to fate, to destiny, if you can read this or not. but if ever you do so, i just want you to know that, i'm here. i'm just here. if you need any help, or if you can't take some of life's hardest moments, i'm just a call slash text away. this is just one of life's test to you. like what i said just believe and trust in yourself. this will surely pass. i know it has been hard. it's hard for me too. it's hard for both of us i think. but i guess this is also for us, for us to have time for ourselves to reflect and fix all what's broken. i just hope you'll be back soon, that someday, i'll see your pasikat braces again. you'll call me wormy again. you'll text me aubrey again. i just hope. super hope. one day. we'll be back. i'm just here. you know where to find me. you're my greatest stalker. you know where i am even if i'm hiding. i miss my bird.

AUBREY

siguro nga, kung dati siya ang naghintay, siguro nga, siguro, ako naman ang dapat maghintay ngayon. sana lang di mapunta sa wala ang paghihintay ko.

"i was afraid this time would come

i wasn't prepared to face this kind of burden from within

i have learned to live my life beside you

maybe i'll just dream of you tonight

and if into my dreams you'd come and touch me once again

I'LL JUST KEEP ON DREAMING 'TILL MY HEARTACHES END"

--> naden, eeza, jolu, ron, nem --- thanks so much ktv mates! it helps. it really does help. sa uulitin. :)) salamat din sa mga okay lang yan dinz. i know funny pero hahaha! magstudy na lang ta ug integ! :))

-->koya xtian salamat din sa iyo. walang kapalit ang ating mga ym moments. alam ko marami pang darating na ym moments. sana di ka magsawa. wag mag-alala, gi-follow nata ni khim so PARTEY PARTEY! :))

-->salamat Lord sa pag gabay. so far nakakaya ko. at natututo ako. tulungan Niyo po ako. bagong semester na naman. panibagong mga pagsubok. please Lord, ayaw kong mabagsak. kaya to! study at hardwork lang. :))

:'((

NOVEMBER FIRST

first november post! actually, i really don't have any idea what to put here. i just want to use this time to post something for this month. november is my month of memories. i just hope that there are really many memories ahead waiting for me. i can't wait to fill my diary with such beautiful stories. :))

nov 3? school starts. so, less internet time. less blogspot. less posts. be back soon!

okay. I'LL SEE LIFE MORE BRIGHTLY! TAKE IT ON A POSITIVE NOTE! SMILE AND BE HAPPY! MAKE MORE WONDERFUL MEMORIES! LOVE LOVE LOVE! SECOND SEM, HERE WE GO. :))

REPETITION

ang saket. ang saket saket. sakeeeeeeeeet. saaaaaaaaaaakkkkkeeeeeeeeeeet.

it's ouch. it's so ouch. ouuuuucccchhhhh. oooooooooouuuuuuuccccchhhhhhhh.

saaaaaaaaaaa---keeeeeeeeeeeeet

ouuuuuuucchh---ccccchhhhhhyyy

saaaaaaakkkkkkeeeeeeeeeetttttt

ooooooouuuuuuuccccchhhhhhhhh

hoooooooooooooooooooooooo

hoooooooooooooooooooooooo

:'((

I JUST WANT TO BE...

i just want to share this photo. i made this that time when i was in the era of my shifting transition. this is for someone out there who seems to be bothered lately by a situation similar to mine before. just remember that life doesn’t end there. it may be hard today, but rest assured there’s a happier light waiting ahead for you.

THIS IS FOR ALL THE FAILED-AND-WANTS-TO-SHIFT, FAILED-BUT-STILL-WANTS-TO-STAY, NO-FAILURES-BUT-AREN’T-HAPPY, WANTS-TO-SHIFT-BUT-JUST-CAN’T STUDENTS. i know a lot of people who are experiencing this now. i hope they all get okay soon and that they'll find what they really want --- peace of mind, confidence, happiness.

let us all put our happiness on top of our priority list. :))

NINETY

these are my first sem grades. i don't know if you can read it but i hope it's clear enough. haha. and for that blank spots, my teacher gave me a 92. i wasn't able to take a picture of it anymore because i got hyped when i saw my final and official grades. haha. and when we computed for the wpa, the calculator displayed... 90. :D

THANK YOU LORD!!!
THANK YOU ALSO BECAUSE MY CLASSMATES PASSED!!!
:))

ANGELS OR DEVILS

since i can't post on tumblr and i don't know why, i decided to just post it here on blogger. and since i can't post the video. argh!!! i decided to just post the lyrics instead.

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall 
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us 
are we ever 
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down 
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time 
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see 

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us 
are we ever 
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around 
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one 
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold


nangyari na eto noon. wag naman sana ngayon.

THE NAME AUBREY

and here it is for aubrey! since dinelle is not common and i don't think i am that famous already to be in wikipedia. haha. what?! i'm a ruler of elves? how did this thing happen? haha. i really don't know. but i find my name's origin funny. enjoy reading again! :D

Of Teutonic origin, "Aubrey" means "Fair Ruler of the Little People", or "King of the Elves" ^[1]. The name Alberich is a more common Germanic variant, with the syllable 'Alb' translating as "Elf" and 'Ric' representing "power". In the twelfth century, a Christian saint and abbot named St. Aubrey founded the Cistercian Order, seeking to operate under the Rule of St. Benedict, continuing Benedict of Nursia's tradition of solitary scholarship in a community of monasticism. In some nations, he as known as the savior turtle.

The name is traditionally male, but is more commonly used as a feminine name in the United States. It was the 41st most popular namegiven to girls born in the United States in 2009.^[2] It was last ranked among the top 1,000 most common names for boys in the United States in 2002. It was the 479th most common name for all males in the United States in the 1990 census.^[3]

THE NAME KEVIN

hahaha! i know i'm bored so you don't have to tell me. just let me post this. i found this one on wikipedia. didn't know that kevin is a name originally from ireland! woah! so woah! what a very sosyal name. so here it is. the rest of the explanation of the name kevin.

Kevin, Irish Caoimhín (Old Irish Cóemgein, Middle Irish Caoimhghín), is a male first name of Irish origin. It is believed that Saint Kevin was the one who popularized the name, although Kevin is not a biblical name. Caoimhghín is believed to be derived from the Irish cóem "kind, honest, and handsome" and gein "birth".^[1] Kevin is unrelated to the names Kelvin or Calvin. "Kevin" is one of the top 100 male baby names in Canada, Catalonia (within Spain) Chile, France, Hungary, Ireland, the Netherlands, Northern Ireland, Norway, Slovenia, Spain (as a whole),Sweden and the United States.^[2] It can also be spelled Kevyn, Keven, Kevan, or Kévin.

The female version of Caoimhín (Kevin) is Caoimhe (anglicised as Kiva or Keva).

NEW THEME! NEW DIARY!

i just love my new theme. it's so winter. so christmas like. with a pinkish reddish color on the title. perfect! hahaha. everybody knows that i love christmas. i'm looking forward to it every year. alone or with someone, it doesn't matter. as long as it's christmas, i'll surely love it. i just love the ambiance, the feeling. though i would want to be with someone during this season. hahaha! poor me i spent it alone the last 3 or 4 years. but itchuki. i still manage to make the most out of it. woah! so much for that! go new theme! go winter! go snow! go pinkish reddish! go christmas! :D

and by the way, i have a new diary. i just bought it last saturday. i really miss writing so much. well don't worry, i will still post some stuffs here. but on that diary, i will write all the stuffs i can't post here. haha. writing is so much fun. thanks for making me realize it, vampire diaries. :D

YEAH --- my 7th diary's title. yeah. you read it right. SEVENTH. :D

BEST HOURS

okay let's get straight here. the best hours of my day are during 11pm to 1am or sometimes 2am or if lucky enough, 4am. why? because i just feel that i own the world those times. it's like i can do everything i want without anyone disturbing me. it's peaceful. it's harmonic. it's tranquil. i am at peace with myself.

now what's with these best hours? i share it with the special people in my life. or i should say, if i am with you during my best hour, it means you are special to me. i shared these best hours already with all the special people in my life. i mean, all those i considered special, we had our own best hours moment already. except for one. i think.

okay let's get straight again. kevin. kevin jake. there are so many times that i get excited because there is no class the next day and that means i can sleep late and kevin can sleep late too and we can have our best hours moment. but sigh oh sigh, he never responded to this best hours thingy. or if he did, i can't remember when was it anymore. or if we did have, i already remembered the latest time he slept was 12am. i told him about this best hours thing. he said sorry and that he's not used to sleeping very late at night. and i was like, okay. i understand. i won't force him anymore. but at the backest part of my brain?! "oh please jake. i really want to spend some of my best hours with you." i don't know. somebody please help me. i am getting paranoid here. hahaha.

now with the mindset. i just have to accept it. accept the fact that jake doesn't really sleep late at night. that we can't have best hours. or if we can have, it would be once in a blue moon? haha. i really think so. accept it. don't be so mean dinzlee. don't be selfish. jake has his life too. you don't own him. you don't control him. and it's bad. it's bad if you force him to do the things he doesn't want to. that's really being selfish. you are just experiencing some adjustments now. in time, you will get used to it.

i don't know why i am teary-eyed right now. i don't have any reason to cry. i guess.

thanks benben. you never fail to be my best hours buddy whenever i need someone to get crazy with. haha.

i know i'm used to being alone. i can handle loneliness. but not now. just, not now.

"thou shall not compare." always remember that dinzlee.

ENGLISH 21

1.BEST COMICAL ACTOR

2.BEST IMPERSONATOR

3.BEST EVENT MANAGER

4.BEST DIRECTOR

5.MOST ENTERTAINING GROUP

6.BEST DANCE CREW

7.BEST MUSIC INTERPRETATION

8.BEST COMICAL PLAY

9.BEST LIVE MTV

10.BEST IMPERSONATION

11.MOST UNITED CLASS

12.BEST OVERALL SHOW

THANK YOU LORD! :))

ECE! ME! BSA! MA!

PRINTSCREEN

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, “It’s because you’re gay, isn’t it?”

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, “you will die in Seven days…” (Note, if you don’t understand this, watch The Ring. Then watch The Ring 2. Then watch Ringu.)

FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, “Walk much, dumb ass?”

FRIENDS: Help you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnap him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you’re okay when you’re crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, “Ha Ha, Loser!”

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, “Run, fucker, run!”

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, “That was awesome! Let’s do it again!”

or

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail again

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying “DAMN!” we messed up!
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried…just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, “My bad…here’s a tissue.”

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story…

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd’s ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME.”

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you’ve had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say “Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don’t waste!

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this :)


dash, yabee, this is for you! i miss you pigs! i miss you so muuuuuuch!!! :))

PWEDE MA SAD?

first day of october
this is my status in facebook
my twitter is full of sad words
there is one sad face on my tumblr
and now in blogspot?

I WANT TO CRY.
I WANT TO BURST INTO TEARS AND LET THESE WORRIES GO AWAY.

THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-NINE

i did not notice the time! haha! it has been 369 days already since i started blogger! 1 YEAR AND 4 DAYS! hahaha! happy 369 days to my blog! happy 369 days seventhpaper! :))

52 MESSAGES

i just erased some of the messages in my inbox as well as in my sent items. of course, i didn't erase those memorable messages. you know me, i am very sentimental. and as i checked, my inbox has 52 messages and my sent items has 55. i want to make it both 50, but i can't help it. i can't erase such memorable messages.

actually, i am really sleepy now. i just slept for 5 hours last night. i should be in bed right now. but i don't know why. tinatamad pa akong matulog. i felt that i should do something first before sleeping. so here i am, typing a new post.

i just want to share something --- something which happened yesterday. nobody knows this yet. but i think after i'll post this, the whole universe will know it already. that is! if someone, out of boredom, accidentally browsed my page out of nothing at all. haha.

okay. here is what the story is really. it's a continuation (sort of) of my last post. ralph texted me last sunday and everything followed. yesterday, i let jake (kevin) read our conversation (me and ralph). oh really i was nervous. it was like my hands were super shaking. then after, i let him made his comments and violent reactions. his first question was "mahal mo pa siya?" i immediately answered, "di na." then i had a little explanation about things until i ended up sharing to him what was REALLY our story. oh i know blogger you know already my story with ralph. so i won't relay it AGAIN in this post. haha. so that was it. i also explained to him the reasons why i don't believe easily. why sometimes i doubt. why i made a decision for him to wait for me until i graduate. the reasons for everything i am now. i told him that it was because I AM AFRAID. i am scared to trust again or expect easily. trauma in short. because of what happened in the past, i am traumatized now. my tears were almost falling that time i was explaining. but i was able to stop it. thank GOD. then he put his left hand around my waist and i lay my head also on his left shoulder. i don't know what to say anymore until such time these words came out my mouth. "thank you. dahil kahit bad ako, mahal mo pa rin ako. di ka napapagod mahalin ako. thank you at nandiyan ka pa rin kahit problema na lang lagi binibigay ko sa'yo." and you know what? i just burst into tears. i felt it. tears. TEARS. falling tears! i didn't know i was sobbing already. i was saying thank you and sorry to him with my eyes so full of droplets of water falling down. I WAS CRYING.

what kevin did? he wiped my tears. he offered me hanky but i refused. he hugged me tighter. he held my hand tighter. he put his face near mine. he kissed me. he kissed me over and over again. he kissed me on the lips over and over again. he kissed me on the cheeks. he kissed me on my forehead. he put his face close, closer to my cheeks.

then he said, "don't worry. di lagi ako maging kagaya ni ralph. di ko gagayahin si ralph. iba man ako. i am not one of them. hindi man sex ang hanap ko sa babae." i interrupted, "true love?" (with a little smirky smile) he answered, "YES." (with a little smirky smile too) then i told him, "sumbaga si ralph pag magkita mo. bali-balia jud iyang bukog. as in sipa sipa-i jud siya. (RAR!)" he replied, "oh ayaw kabalaka. sumbagon jud to nko sya pag mgkita mi. ngnong gipasakitan man ka nya. sumbagon jd to nko sya. wla syay klaro." (pasikat daun braces. haha.)

yesterday was also the first time he said to me I LOVE YOU in person.

last night was really a turning point. napalabas ko na talaga lahat ng hinanakit ko kay ralph na matagal ko ng tinatago.  i cried. and mind you, it was the first time i cried to a boy personally. good thing kevin was there. if he wasn't there, oh i don't know what will happen to me yesterday. i was happy. very happy. not because of kevin's kisses! hahaha! oh it is a factor too. hahaha. but honestly, i didn't expect those kisses. all i want yesterday was that masabi ko lang kay kevin lahat lahat at maging clear na talaga sa kanya na siya talga pinili ko. 'yun lang. mapalabas lang kung ano yung mga matagal ko ng tinatago sa kaloob-looban ko. the kisses were very very very big bonuses. hahaha. i never expected it. really. so thank you LORD. thank you kevin jake. :))

as of now, i don't know what's going on with ralph. i don't know how he feels. but i really hope he's fine.

and as for kevin jake, THANK YOU. i'll say this again. and i will be saying it again over and over. i hope you won't get tired of hearing it. it's you whom i chose. so smile. be happy. don't ever be sad again. do it for me. :))

as of the moment, i already have 65 messages in my inbox. but the 52nd message that came in when first i was constructing this post was...

"I love you too..."

-0923_ _ _ _585

i was not even saying any i love you's. haha.

<3 :)) :D

FOR THE FIRST TIME

it's a song i'm currently listening to right now. it's by the script. and i just fell in love with it. well, i decided that it will be my post's title now because something just happened today --- an event how i wished happened a year ago.

ralph texted me today. i was shocked somehow. he shared to me that there is already a sun signal in pantukan. i replied to him. yeah we texted. shared some stories. until i received the text containing this message --- "should i still wait? should i still expect?" i know what he meant. i just made it sure i was thinking the right thoughts. then i was right. he asked if he still has the chance. i answered not anymore. then he replied to me, "aw. hahahaha. i'm late." then i told him why did he just tell me that today when i waited for him for almost 2 years. where was he during those times? he answered "do i have an excuse for being late? at least i was not absent." i replied, "yeah you may not be late but you made your absence too long and you didn't gave me any assurance." he replied back "i have an excuse letter here. it's a 2 year old excuse letter. but it's already useless. it's denied before it has gotten to you." i didn't know exactly what to say after. i want to read that excuse letter. I WANT TO HEAR THAT EXCUSE LETTER. i want to hear it from him. what was he feeling about me all those times we were apart. i just said to him i want to read that excuse letter somehow. but he replied "never mind. joke lang to. haha." i said sorry to him. sorry because i don't want to hurt him. and i don't mean to hurt him. but he just said "Don't be sorry. I don't deserve it. Save it for the most important person in your life now." i texted him "thank you ralph. one of my happiest moments were with you. and i don't regret all the things we made." i am not sure of the exact words of his reply, but if my interpretation is right, his text was like this, "you'll forget it soon. especially now that you have a new love." but i won't. i will always carry that memory for the rest of my life. it's not an illusion ralph. it's a memory. you were in it. we were in it. his last text was "encourage him to draw or paint you. because painting a picture of you is like painting a thousand words. and it spells and defies what love is. go ahead. tell him now. i know he will rush for it." i was like speechless and thoughtless for a few minutes. i wanted to cry but i don't know why. iiyak ba sa panghihinayang o iiyak dahil hindi ko akalaing ganoon pala niya ako kamahal? ewan.

i also had my last text. i told him i still want to be friends with him. that i want to him to meet kevin soon. i said sorry and thank you. after that, i did not receive any text message anymore.

i just found the most mature ralph this day. i was happy. but i don't know what was that happiness for. if only he acted like this way way way before, then he would not have to ask if he's late or not now. maybe i'm happy because naka-text ko na rin siya ng matino after 2 years. that we have talked about certain things. maybe, this is already our way of closing what we had before. closure. our love story has ended now. there is no more twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn. no more edward. no more bella. sayang lang. sana sinabi niya lahat ng mga pinagsasabi niya kanina noon pa, yung panahon na mahal na mahal ko pa siya, yung halos hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa kakahintay sa kanya. eto nga siguro yung sinasabi nilang, hindi kami para sa isa't isa. destiny just won't let us. we are just not meant to be.


RALPH,
I'm proud of you. You were man enough to accept the situation now. I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but I hope you'll be fine. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Thank you anyway. Raphelle is such a happy memory. I still want to be your friend. I am still your friend. Hope you feel the same way too.

Bella.

What happened today? It's like the first time I and Ralph texted. It was like Oct. 22, 2008 again.

I AM SAD

ako ay malungkot. at hindi ko alam. siguro alam ko, pero hindi ko lang inaamin. oh nga. alam ko. pero pinipilit kong huwag isipin dahil hindi naman dapat. di naman dapat ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. dapat okay lng ko. relax kumbaga. chill. pero di ko maintindihan kung bakit ang bigat ng damdamin ko. halos anim na araw ko na itong nilalabanan at sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na "hoy! magising ka nga! dapat masaya ka ngayon!" pero hindi eh. kahit anong ngiti ko, kahit anong tawa ko, may kulang pa rin. haaaaaay ewan. ewan ko kung anong gagawin ko. hindi ko talaga alam. siguro nga dapat sinuntok ko na ang sarili ko. bahala na si batman.

MIXED EMOTIONS

mixed emotions week. as in super mixed emotions. as in literally mixed emotions. a week of laughter, tears, frustrations, depressions, fun, enjoyment and a lot more. but above all these emotions, i can say, this week is so much damn memorable. yeah! :))

first up, the ece acquaintance party last saturday, july 31. it was held at waterland or rather waterworld. hahaha! i thought it would be just another day going out with my ece classmates. then we would meet higher eces then just say hi or hello then nothing more. but, we never expected something MORE would happen. haha. it was so FUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! our ates and kuyas were so caring. we are like their real little brothers and sisters. i so love it. we played. games, poker, killer, volleyball! most of all, i super enjoyed the moment when we were able to meet and greet the higher years of ece. the survivors of the fight! hahaha. they were all so welcoming. they did not treat us as an outsider or an alien in their group. so love that day. i love you all ates and kuyas in ece! you are all simply the best! until the next time! maybe a christmas party i think? yeah! party again! haha.

after that acquaintance party, jong, nadz, kate, nemz, and me went to mcdo damosa. eat. talk. laugh. picture. sign the tissue paper. so LOOOOOOVE!!!! we arrived there about 7pm. we went home around 10pm. hahahaha! what a 3-hour sharing of stories and laugh trip. it was really fun. super fun. so memorable.

JULY 31 --- one of the days where i wish the world doesn't just revolve for 24 hours.

then this week? i mean from monday to friday? hahaha! so love the ece 2 bondings. super different trips. like we do this and do that. play here then play again there. haha! i also love our moments with the ece 2.5's, 2.8's, 4's, 4'1's, 4.2's, 4.5's and everyone else! hahaha! it's like we're a family now. i can't explain the feeling. it's just that. so fun! hahahahaha! happy! :))

then nadz?! oh she shared something to us, me and jong, last wednesday. i won't tell it here anymore for privacy purposes. :)) it's just that, i want to say thank you to her for being so open and most especially for choosing me as one of the people whom she trusts. it is definitely a great privilege. thank you for the filler, the jobee treat, the walk around, the trust, and the FRIENDSHIP. i'm honored. i know there are still more stories left for you to share to us. i will just wait for that time when you are ready, when you feel like sharing some stories again to me and jong. friiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeendsssssssssssss. :))

and for this last paragraph..... oh kevin. kevin jake de guzman magbojos. i really miss you. super miss you! if only you could read this post. but i know you can't because nobody visits my blog anyway. hahaha. but really, i miss you. i know i can always text you but i am just not yet ready to. it's like i don't have the face to see you already after all the hurt and torture i have caused you. i know you said you will wait for me. i know i don't have all the time in the world so i have to make a choice as very soon as possible. i think i already have. there is this one name that keeps popping out in my mind these days. sorry again. super sorry. i know you don't deserve this because all you did was love me. if only i could do anything to ease your pain or take it all away totally. i am just not brave enough to do it --- to do what i should do so that you won't feel hurt anymore. again, i am sorry for that..... sorry kevin, sorry. thanks for the space and the time anyway. i hope you won't get tired. i really hope so.

I MISS YOU KEVIN JAKE! your name keeps popping out in my mind these days. i miss you. i really do. i am really waiting to see your number again in my inbox. i am really hoping that every time i receive a text message, it would be you. :((