actually, i am really sleepy now. i just slept for 5 hours last night. i should be in bed right now. but i don't know why. tinatamad pa akong matulog. i felt that i should do something first before sleeping. so here i am, typing a new post.
i just want to share something --- something which happened yesterday. nobody knows this yet. but i think after i'll post this, the whole universe will know it already. that is! if someone, out of boredom, accidentally browsed my page out of nothing at all. haha.
okay. here is what the story is really. it's a continuation (sort of) of my last post. ralph texted me last sunday and everything followed. yesterday, i let jake (kevin) read our conversation (me and ralph). oh really i was nervous. it was like my hands were super shaking. then after, i let him made his comments and violent reactions. his first question was "mahal mo pa siya?" i immediately answered, "di na." then i had a little explanation about things until i ended up sharing to him what was REALLY our story. oh i know blogger you know already my story with ralph. so i won't relay it AGAIN in this post. haha. so that was it. i also explained to him the reasons why i don't believe easily. why sometimes i doubt. why i made a decision for him to wait for me until i graduate. the reasons for everything i am now. i told him that it was because I AM AFRAID. i am scared to trust again or expect easily. trauma in short. because of what happened in the past, i am traumatized now. my tears were almost falling that time i was explaining. but i was able to stop it. thank GOD. then he put his left hand around my waist and i lay my head also on his left shoulder. i don't know what to say anymore until such time these words came out my mouth. "thank you. dahil kahit bad ako, mahal mo pa rin ako. di ka napapagod mahalin ako. thank you at nandiyan ka pa rin kahit problema na lang lagi binibigay ko sa'yo." and you know what? i just burst into tears. i felt it. tears. TEARS. falling tears! i didn't know i was sobbing already. i was saying thank you and sorry to him with my eyes so full of droplets of water falling down. I WAS CRYING.
what kevin did? he wiped my tears. he offered me hanky but i refused. he hugged me tighter. he held my hand tighter. he put his face near mine. he kissed me. he kissed me over and over again. he kissed me on the lips over and over again. he kissed me on the cheeks. he kissed me on my forehead. he put his face close, closer to my cheeks.
then he said, "don't worry. di lagi ako maging kagaya ni ralph. di ko gagayahin si ralph. iba man ako. i am not one of them. hindi man sex ang hanap ko sa babae." i interrupted, "true love?" (with a little smirky smile) he answered, "YES." (with a little smirky smile too) then i told him, "sumbaga si ralph pag magkita mo. bali-balia jud iyang bukog. as in sipa sipa-i jud siya. (RAR!)" he replied, "oh ayaw kabalaka. sumbagon jud to nko sya pag mgkita mi. ngnong gipasakitan man ka nya. sumbagon jd to nko sya. wla syay klaro." (pasikat daun braces. haha.)
yesterday was also the first time he said to me I LOVE YOU in person.
last night was really a turning point. napalabas ko na talaga lahat ng hinanakit ko kay ralph na matagal ko ng tinatago. i cried. and mind you, it was the first time i cried to a boy personally. good thing kevin was there. if he wasn't there, oh i don't know what will happen to me yesterday. i was happy. very happy. not because of kevin's kisses! hahaha! oh it is a factor too. hahaha. but honestly, i didn't expect those kisses. all i want yesterday was that masabi ko lang kay kevin lahat lahat at maging clear na talaga sa kanya na siya talga pinili ko. 'yun lang. mapalabas lang kung ano yung mga matagal ko ng tinatago sa kaloob-looban ko. the kisses were very very very big bonuses. hahaha. i never expected it. really. so thank you LORD. thank you kevin jake. :))
as of now, i don't know what's going on with ralph. i don't know how he feels. but i really hope he's fine.
and as for kevin jake, THANK YOU. i'll say this again. and i will be saying it again over and over. i hope you won't get tired of hearing it. it's you whom i chose. so smile. be happy. don't ever be sad again. do it for me. :))
as of the moment, i already have 65 messages in my inbox. but the 52nd message that came in when first i was constructing this post was...
"I love you too..."
-0923_ _ _ _585
i was not even saying any i love you's. haha.
<3 :)) :D
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