DREAMSSS

i remember, last wed-thurs night, i dreamed bout ralph. in my dream, we were so happy together. we were undeniably sweet. we were in a certain store with key chains all over. i saw an A key chain. i dunno why A and what's with that A. i wanted to buy it but he said in my dream that he wanted to give me something more than that letter A. and so he handed me a key chain that is shaped like a little boy and a little girl with some little bells on it. he said that i should wear it always and that he will get mad if i won't wear it. he told me not to lose it. then he held my hand. i also held his' too. he wrapped my arms around me, pulled me closer to him. i wrapped my arms around him as well. then, poof. dream disappeared. another second passed, i just heard my mom calling my name telling me to wake up already.

okay now, WHAT WAS THAT DREAM ALL ABOUT?! does it have a meaning? if so, WHAT'S THE MEANING? i wanna know. but i know i will not know it. i will never know it. even though i want to find answers, they will never just show up. so okay, move on. continue living. go back to what i usually do. home school home school.

i miss you ralph. i do. and believe it or not, i miss kevin jake too. sigh. what is happening to me? i miss two boys. is that even right? well, i don't care anymore. put me to prison now because i'm definitely guilty. guilty of missing two boys in my life. guilty of bringing back memories with them. guilty of denying if i have really moved on now or not yet. GUILTY.

DISE OTSO

posted last jan. 29, 2010 on my facebook account. i just wanna share this here. :)

.it was very much like this a week ago. rainy weather. cold breeze. dark clouds. it seemed that the heavens are pouring on a handful of tears to earth. i was staring up in the sky wishing that the following day i would see mr sun. for it was the 23rd of january. a day scheduled to be part of my history.

.boooom baby.!! 6 days ago i celebrated my 18th birthday. it was sooooo fuuuuun.!! i admit i had a hard time planning for it. everybody knows that i want a children's party at mcdo for my 18th. but our budget can't afford it. haha. so we tried asking for other restos with a great deal. but we just couldn't find one. they all seem to have something lacking. until one day. i think 2 weeks from 23. mom's idea popped out her mind. she suggested that we will have the celebration here in our house. she will cook the food. and we will just rent chairs for the visitors. so i thought. if i can't have my children's party at mcdo. why not bring mcdo here in our house.!? hahaha.

.and so i did. i brought mcdo here in our house. [not literally though. :))] i asked mom if i could have balloons for my birthday. she said yes.!! weeee. i bought party hats from my savings to add drama to my children's party. huweee. spongebob.!! hahaha. and my cake.? a pink barbie chuchu. we got it from my aunt. she's a good baker. it was my first time to see a cake like that. :)) so LOVE everything. all plans i had in mind became REAL. hahaha.

.hmm. what was it like when i woke up last 23.? it was a normal day. i got up early to go to school and attend my pe and fydp classes. after that i went home immediately to help my mom in all the stuffs for my party. when i reached our gate. hahaha.!! i laughed.!! i saw all the chairs and tables already set up. i even saw the balloons and put them inside our house because they might pop due to extreme heat. oh yeah. mr sun shone that day. i thank GOD so much for granting my request. :)) you see. i was already happy just by seeing those chairs, tables and balloons. tinuod na jud ni.!! :))

.i helped mom cooked the sphagetti. i grated the cheese. but what's more interesting during that span of time. i even made my assignment for my chem class.!! hahaha. maybe i just don't know what to do exactly. then i sent a gm to everybody. dash texted me. lola texted me. they were all asking for the details. i set up the balloons outside. hmm. i was just all smiles that day. then i turned on my laptop. i was hoping i could post something on my fb's wall, my twitter and my tumblr before the party starts. but whoooosh. somebody from outside called my name.!! teneeeeen.!! it was lola and tina.!! oh my. tinupad talaga nila ang kasabihang early bird catches the early worm. haha. i thought sila lang talaga dalawa ang pupunta dahil si berna ay nagdrama sa akin minutes before. but then. i hate berna so much. haha. it was just a joke. a prank. she just want to surprise me. how sweet. i remember i was shouting "i hate you berna" so many times when i saw her walking towards me that time. hahaha. then they let me close my eyes beacuse they told me they still has a surprise for me. i thought it was jintot. oh yeah. i really thought it was her. i thought lola was able to kidnap her and brought her here in our house. but when i opened my eyes. it was a boy.!! hahaha.!! benben.!! whoooo.!! hahaha.!! peace benben. i mean really thought it was jintot and i don't mean to hurt you naman. i thought kasi you will be with jiar. i'm still happy though you made it. i thought you won't accept my invitation. but you came.!! hahaha.!! the best.!! may white roses pa.!! :)) that was it. i immediately rushed to the bathroom to take a bath. finally. my first batch of visitors were here. i gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. :))

.i took a bath dali dali. haha. after. we picture2 with co2 and benben and the white rose. haha. ralph called me but i wasn't able to answer it. so i texted him. he replied. he said sorry for he can't come. huwel. okay. the show must go on with or without you. hahaha. :p it was already dark. we went outside na to place ourselves sa mga tables. mom told us that we picture muna sa cake and sa food. family picuture nga daw. so ayun. but while having picture2. huwaaa. haha. shishi and the gang sprouted. haha. there goes shishi marj and emuii. hazel also was here na. jenki arrived few minutes after. huwooo.!! love. hapit njd. haha. when aya and kamil arrived. ayun na.! boom.! haha. pray na si hazel. kanta na si emuii ng korean version sa hapi bday. sang il chu kahamnida.! hahaha. mali pjd dw to huwel. bahala na. basta lingaw. aya and shi helped me light the candles. perti kadaghan uii. 18 jd. hahaha. then BLOOOOW.!! huwooo. :))

.kainan na.!! attack the food na. timing lang dumating ang v1 cmates ko. pti nrn cla master at iber. timing jd kau cla. kaon na. haha. go go. join the attack.! haha. while i was eating. suzette came sa house at binigay ang gift niya. huwaaa. so touched.!! nka smile jd ko.!! samot hapi.!! i invited her to eat muna but she said no na because she was going to a debut also. at alam ko na kng kaninong debut yun. hmmm. hahaha. aun kain2 na. dash arrived finally.!! haha. pasaway kau. 8pm njd niabot. ana ko 5. haha. dumating na rin si ian my labs. nag jump2 jd ko pag abot nya. haha. at napatunayan ko ult na kapag bday mo di ka tlga makakakain ng mabuti. dahil di ko tlga natapos ang pagkain ko.!! haha. we proceeded na sa getting to know you. actually. plano ko lng tlga nun introduce yourself lng. eh naging message2 something na. mas bongga.!! huweee. lupigan pa nko ang nag 18 candles and roses.!! hahaha. love.!! salamat sa tnan. labun na kay ian ug kay benben na pabadlong kau. haha. last din pala dumating si anin. sus wla jd nagbago. haha. sya rin last nagchuchu introduce. natats jd ko sa tnan ninu gi ingn. sa tnan nga wishes and hopes for me. salamat. :))

.lingaw kau uii. master and shishi the best tandem ever. hahaha.!! maski kinsa lng gitira.!! LOVE.!! katawa tnan.!! so fun.!! ang pinakalingaw sa tnan.?! ktng lalake na katugon ang nawung na naka long sleeves ug red. hahaha. doms.!! bida kau ka.!! haha. :))

.videoke na. ang kampay ng lahat. haha. knta na mga assumptionista. ang mga bagag nawung wla jd nagpapigil. haha. master bonded with my arki cmates sa um. wee. birds of the same feathers arkis flock together. haha. getting to know. pa hawday daw lgi drawing. hahaha. naulaw man akng mga v1 cmates. ambot lgi ngno. kelangan cguro nila the bar ato pra ma charge. haha. pro peace guys. clean fun muna tau. next time nlng. haha. love kau uii. enjoy everyone. it was just to happy to see everyone laughing even though some are inside the house singing. while some are outside chatting and eating. :))

.the time came. everybody had to leave. they go home na. it was already late too. me and dash nlng naiwan. perti si yabee kadugayan uii. haha. i think it was already 12 when she arrived. didto pa sya nag diner. haha. oh ha lechon iyang midnight snack. haha. then it was sleepover time.!! huweee.!! punas muna kami. ice cold kau ang tubig. nag mejas jd ko after. haha. fb sa laptop. fb sa computer. fb everywhere.! haha. tpos nun nanoon na kmi ng sleepover sa laptop. special request ni dash. plus. di pa tlga kmi nadala. kain prn junk foods habang nanonood. huwoo. haha. pro ambot ngno to. katugon kau ko nag tan aw. awa. pa yuko2 akng ulo. gi kataw an ko nila dash ug yabee. haha. picture2 habang nanonood. hanggang sa matapos. then tulog. ang sweet. ako sa gitna. katabi ko mga love ko sa buhay. soft soft pa. haha. :)) nagkasya tlga kami sa isang kama. oh ha. that was one of my most memorable sleeps. sleeping with the two persons you love most. :))

.when we woke up. LOVE. haha. i love our faces. picture kaagad.!! then we had breakfast. kain mango pudding. watch 2012. naligo. at hindi pa tlga nadala. wlang trip. attack dunkin donuts sa robinsons.!! hahaha. LOVE. nagbaktas lng mi padulong didto. dagan2 kay ulan na.!! haha. mura jd mga bata. nag hot choco at coffee sa dunkin. munchkins at donuts. oishi at ung isang junk food pa. ice coffee. dd rangers. ang resulta.?! gipangsakitan ug tiyan after.!! hahaha. lingawa jd ato uii. chika chika. i revealed something to them. a secret i tried to keep to myself forever at first but eventually decided to tell it to them because they are my sisters. :)) na stop gd c dash pag ingn nko. na shock jd dw sya. hahaha. bsta mao nto. kmo ghpn akng masters. magpraktis sko pra mapildi nko ang 7minutes. haha. it was another moment with tripod. moment na di ko kelanman ipagpapalit ng kahit na ano. :))

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR MAKING MY 18TH BIRTHDAY A CERTIFIED MEMORY!! THANK YOU FOR THE GREETINGS PIPLETS --- THE TEXTS, CALLS, CHATS, AND EVERYTHING.!! THANKS TO ALL THE PEEPS WHO CAME TO MY SIMPLE YET WORTHWHILE CELEBRATION DESPITE OF EACH OUR BUSY SCHEDULES. THANK YOU ALSO TO THE PEEPS WHO WANTED TO COME BUT JUST COULDN'T. I KNOW YOU ALL HAVE REASONS WHY AND I UNDERSTAND IT. I KNOW TOO THAT YOU LOVE ME AND YOU CARE FOR ME AND YOU REALLY WISHED YOU WERE THERE. KNOWING THAT IS ALREADY ENOUGH TO ADD MORE SO MUCH TO MY HAPPINESS. THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY TOO FOR STICKING TO MY PLANS AND MAKING THEM ALL COME TRUE. THANK YOU PAPA FOR THE BUDGET AND THANK YOU MOMMY FOR THE PREPARATIONS AS WELL AS THE RESTORATION. MOST OF ALL, THANK YOU DEAR JESUS FOR THE 18TH YEARS ON EARTH, THE CHANCE TO LIVE HERE IN YOUR WONDERFUL WORLD, THE BLESSINGS, THE LOVE, CARE, SUPPORT AND CONSTANT GUIDANCE, AND FOR THE HAPPINESS I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

.hantod karon. wala gihapon ko ka get over. hang over gihapon. salamat. salamat jud kaayo sa inyo tanan. LOVE. :))

19th on the 19

to my high school friends who did not forget my birthday.

to my architecture buddies who texted me also even though lately, we haven't that much kept in touch.

to my ece 2 and ece 3 family for the tshirt surprise.

to my v1 friends who "pasimple" greeted me.

to my ece seniors for the unending happy birthday song.

to migen for the breaking dawn book.

to ron for the patago-tago letter in my bag.

to kuya tiany for the human red wallet.

to the 232 all in all wall posts on my facebook.

to everyone who greeted me.

to my mom, dad, and bro for everything.

to Lord Jesus for the last 19 years of existence and for the next years to come.


THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

BIRTHDAY (MATERIAL) WISHES

1. HUMAN red wallet. the biggest one with the zipper and stitches thingy. i saw it last dec 21 at their store in gmall. i hope it's still available now.

2. BELT. i saw one at human too. it's pink. i think i like it. that would be enough.

3. BREAKING DAWN. yes. i mean the last book of the twilight saga. i still haven't read it. i'm more than eager to own one. really, i want to read it. -_-

4. PIANO. that piano with the screen which i can see the chords thingy.

5. DSLR CAMERA. i prefer canon more than nikon.


the first three things are reachable. but the last two are unreachable as of now. i posted this to remind myself that somehow i still have to save money in order to buy at least one of these things. or if somebody would give it to me as a present, i'll surely jump for joy. i hope this wish comes true. :)

4 days to go! :)

SAD

gusto ko ito ang title ng post ko ngayon. para parang ironic masyado ang drama. sad ito. tapos ang kasunod na post is happy. oh ayan maganda. good combination.

oo. malungkot ako ngayon. last week ko pa talaga to nararamdaman. palagi ko lang dinedeny sa sarili ko. kasi wala naman akong dahilan para ma sad. yun ang palaging nilalagay ko sa utak ko. pero nung friday. ewan. tinamaan na talaga ako. hanggang kahapon. mas lalo na ngayon. kung hindi pa ako pumunta sa birthday dinner ni ron kahapon, siguro nga nabaliw na ako ngayon.

hindi ko talaga alam bakit ako malungkot. pero ewan. umiiyak na ako ngayon. bigla na lang tumulo ang mga luha ko. at alam kong totoo ito dahil kahit anong pilit kong gawin para pigilan sila, tumutulo pa rin. at malalaki pa talaga ang patak. yung halos matabunan na ang buong mata ko ng tubig, pinipigilan ko ngunit patuloy pa rin ito sa pagtulo. ayan. umiiyak na naman ako. umiiyak na talaga. pwede tama na?

birthday, integral at nangungulila --- yan sila tatlo ang mga dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot. bago ko lang napagtanto. palagi ko kasi itinatatwa pero ngayon pumasok na talaga sila sa isipan ko.

birthday - di ko alam ano gagawin ko. gusto ko maging memorable pero di ko alam paano. nahihiya naman akong manghingi sa parents ko ng pera. actually parang ayaw ko na maghanda o manlibre. para kasing di ako fully makakasaya dahil sa iniisip kong integral ngayon. oo sabihin niyo na baliw ako. pero yan lang talaga nararamdaman ko ngayon. sorry. pasensya na. gusto kong lumigaya. pero ewan paano. siguro naman maiintindihan ng mga kaibigan ko kung di muna ako maghahanda o manlilibre ngayon. sa susunod na lang. pag marami na talaga ako pera. gusto ko rin maghingi na lang ng piano as a gift. dslr sana pero mahal pa masyado. siguro piano pwede na? pero nahihiya pa rin ako. mahal pa rin siya. naiisip ko na ipambabayad na lang yun sa tuition ko. oh di ba? marami akong gustong mangyari. pero wala lang pera. kaya cancelled na lang muna lahat. alam ko pwede naman maging masaya kahit walang perang involved. di ko lang alam paano. somehow napagod na ako sa kaka-isip. kaya tinanggap ko na lang as of last week pa na magiging ordinaryo lang ang jan 19. magsisimba. makakatanggap ng mga mensahe. aside dun, im not expecting anything more.

integral - oh alam na. 68 ako. exam namin bukas. sana nga makaperfect ako. para mabawi ko na talaga ang 68. ayokong mabagsak. di dahil sa nakakahiya, di dahil baka sabihin nilang bobo ako, di dahil sa baka mapag iwanan ako, di dahil sa baka husgahan nila ako --- makakaya kong tanggapin lahat ito. pero ang dahilan na gagastos ulit ako pag akoy nabagsak, yun ang di ko kaya. yun ang ayaw ko. ayaw ko ng mahirapan ang mga magulang ko sa kakatrabaho at kaka-isip paano i-budget ang aming pera. nag aaral akong mabuti para pumasa talaga dahil gusto kong maka graduate sa ateneo de davao university sa kursong bachelor of science in electronics engineering. kung noon, nag dalawang isip ako sa arki, ngayon di na. sigurado na ako sa ece at masaya na ako dito. pinaglaban ko to na lilipat ako ng paaralan at magshishift ako. dahil nga ito ang gusto ko. kaya lang, medyo nahihirapan ako. sana lang. sana. sana nga. malampasan ko to. gusto kong pumasa! ayokong mabagsak! gusto kong grumaduate ng ece! gusto kong maging Engr. Dinelle Aubrey L. Amper, PECE.....

nangungulila - di ko lang alam kung "sino" ba or "ano". basta ang alam ko may kulang talaga sa akin ngayon. i feel so empty. oh tawagin niyo ng korni. pero totoo. di ko lang alam kung ano o sino ang kulang sa akin. tao ba o bagay. ewan. basta kulang ako ngayon. kulang na kulang.

PAANO KO BA MAGAGAWANG MEMORABLE ANG AKING KAARAWAN?

PAANO KO BA MAALIS ANG KABA SA AKING DIBDIB SA TUWING INTEGRAL NA ANG PAG-UUSAPAN?

PAANO KO BA MALALAMAN KUNG SINO O ANO ANG SA AKIN AY KULANG?

PAANO?

*umiiyak*

:'((

HAPPY

better late than never again...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY 2011!

hope it's gonna be a really a "happy" year

*especially for me* :)