BEST HOURS

okay let's get straight here. the best hours of my day are during 11pm to 1am or sometimes 2am or if lucky enough, 4am. why? because i just feel that i own the world those times. it's like i can do everything i want without anyone disturbing me. it's peaceful. it's harmonic. it's tranquil. i am at peace with myself.

now what's with these best hours? i share it with the special people in my life. or i should say, if i am with you during my best hour, it means you are special to me. i shared these best hours already with all the special people in my life. i mean, all those i considered special, we had our own best hours moment already. except for one. i think.

okay let's get straight again. kevin. kevin jake. there are so many times that i get excited because there is no class the next day and that means i can sleep late and kevin can sleep late too and we can have our best hours moment. but sigh oh sigh, he never responded to this best hours thingy. or if he did, i can't remember when was it anymore. or if we did have, i already remembered the latest time he slept was 12am. i told him about this best hours thing. he said sorry and that he's not used to sleeping very late at night. and i was like, okay. i understand. i won't force him anymore. but at the backest part of my brain?! "oh please jake. i really want to spend some of my best hours with you." i don't know. somebody please help me. i am getting paranoid here. hahaha.

now with the mindset. i just have to accept it. accept the fact that jake doesn't really sleep late at night. that we can't have best hours. or if we can have, it would be once in a blue moon? haha. i really think so. accept it. don't be so mean dinzlee. don't be selfish. jake has his life too. you don't own him. you don't control him. and it's bad. it's bad if you force him to do the things he doesn't want to. that's really being selfish. you are just experiencing some adjustments now. in time, you will get used to it.

i don't know why i am teary-eyed right now. i don't have any reason to cry. i guess.

thanks benben. you never fail to be my best hours buddy whenever i need someone to get crazy with. haha.

i know i'm used to being alone. i can handle loneliness. but not now. just, not now.

"thou shall not compare." always remember that dinzlee.