REPETITION

ang saket. ang saket saket. sakeeeeeeeeet. saaaaaaaaaaakkkkkeeeeeeeeeeet.

it's ouch. it's so ouch. ouuuuucccchhhhh. oooooooooouuuuuuuccccchhhhhhhh.

saaaaaaaaaaa---keeeeeeeeeeeeet

ouuuuuuucchh---ccccchhhhhhyyy

saaaaaaakkkkkkeeeeeeeeeetttttt

ooooooouuuuuuuccccchhhhhhhhh

hoooooooooooooooooooooooo

hoooooooooooooooooooooooo

:'((

I JUST WANT TO BE...

i just want to share this photo. i made this that time when i was in the era of my shifting transition. this is for someone out there who seems to be bothered lately by a situation similar to mine before. just remember that life doesn’t end there. it may be hard today, but rest assured there’s a happier light waiting ahead for you.

THIS IS FOR ALL THE FAILED-AND-WANTS-TO-SHIFT, FAILED-BUT-STILL-WANTS-TO-STAY, NO-FAILURES-BUT-AREN’T-HAPPY, WANTS-TO-SHIFT-BUT-JUST-CAN’T STUDENTS. i know a lot of people who are experiencing this now. i hope they all get okay soon and that they'll find what they really want --- peace of mind, confidence, happiness.

let us all put our happiness on top of our priority list. :))

NINETY

these are my first sem grades. i don't know if you can read it but i hope it's clear enough. haha. and for that blank spots, my teacher gave me a 92. i wasn't able to take a picture of it anymore because i got hyped when i saw my final and official grades. haha. and when we computed for the wpa, the calculator displayed... 90. :D

THANK YOU LORD!!!
THANK YOU ALSO BECAUSE MY CLASSMATES PASSED!!!
:))

ANGELS OR DEVILS

since i can't post on tumblr and i don't know why, i decided to just post it here on blogger. and since i can't post the video. argh!!! i decided to just post the lyrics instead.

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall 
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us 
are we ever 
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down 
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time 
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see 

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us 
are we ever 
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around 
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one 
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold


nangyari na eto noon. wag naman sana ngayon.

THE NAME AUBREY

and here it is for aubrey! since dinelle is not common and i don't think i am that famous already to be in wikipedia. haha. what?! i'm a ruler of elves? how did this thing happen? haha. i really don't know. but i find my name's origin funny. enjoy reading again! :D

Of Teutonic origin, "Aubrey" means "Fair Ruler of the Little People", or "King of the Elves" ^[1]. The name Alberich is a more common Germanic variant, with the syllable 'Alb' translating as "Elf" and 'Ric' representing "power". In the twelfth century, a Christian saint and abbot named St. Aubrey founded the Cistercian Order, seeking to operate under the Rule of St. Benedict, continuing Benedict of Nursia's tradition of solitary scholarship in a community of monasticism. In some nations, he as known as the savior turtle.

The name is traditionally male, but is more commonly used as a feminine name in the United States. It was the 41st most popular namegiven to girls born in the United States in 2009.^[2] It was last ranked among the top 1,000 most common names for boys in the United States in 2002. It was the 479th most common name for all males in the United States in the 1990 census.^[3]

THE NAME KEVIN

hahaha! i know i'm bored so you don't have to tell me. just let me post this. i found this one on wikipedia. didn't know that kevin is a name originally from ireland! woah! so woah! what a very sosyal name. so here it is. the rest of the explanation of the name kevin.

Kevin, Irish Caoimhín (Old Irish Cóemgein, Middle Irish Caoimhghín), is a male first name of Irish origin. It is believed that Saint Kevin was the one who popularized the name, although Kevin is not a biblical name. Caoimhghín is believed to be derived from the Irish cóem "kind, honest, and handsome" and gein "birth".^[1] Kevin is unrelated to the names Kelvin or Calvin. "Kevin" is one of the top 100 male baby names in Canada, Catalonia (within Spain) Chile, France, Hungary, Ireland, the Netherlands, Northern Ireland, Norway, Slovenia, Spain (as a whole),Sweden and the United States.^[2] It can also be spelled Kevyn, Keven, Kevan, or Kévin.

The female version of Caoimhín (Kevin) is Caoimhe (anglicised as Kiva or Keva).

NEW THEME! NEW DIARY!

i just love my new theme. it's so winter. so christmas like. with a pinkish reddish color on the title. perfect! hahaha. everybody knows that i love christmas. i'm looking forward to it every year. alone or with someone, it doesn't matter. as long as it's christmas, i'll surely love it. i just love the ambiance, the feeling. though i would want to be with someone during this season. hahaha! poor me i spent it alone the last 3 or 4 years. but itchuki. i still manage to make the most out of it. woah! so much for that! go new theme! go winter! go snow! go pinkish reddish! go christmas! :D

and by the way, i have a new diary. i just bought it last saturday. i really miss writing so much. well don't worry, i will still post some stuffs here. but on that diary, i will write all the stuffs i can't post here. haha. writing is so much fun. thanks for making me realize it, vampire diaries. :D

YEAH --- my 7th diary's title. yeah. you read it right. SEVENTH. :D

BEST HOURS

okay let's get straight here. the best hours of my day are during 11pm to 1am or sometimes 2am or if lucky enough, 4am. why? because i just feel that i own the world those times. it's like i can do everything i want without anyone disturbing me. it's peaceful. it's harmonic. it's tranquil. i am at peace with myself.

now what's with these best hours? i share it with the special people in my life. or i should say, if i am with you during my best hour, it means you are special to me. i shared these best hours already with all the special people in my life. i mean, all those i considered special, we had our own best hours moment already. except for one. i think.

okay let's get straight again. kevin. kevin jake. there are so many times that i get excited because there is no class the next day and that means i can sleep late and kevin can sleep late too and we can have our best hours moment. but sigh oh sigh, he never responded to this best hours thingy. or if he did, i can't remember when was it anymore. or if we did have, i already remembered the latest time he slept was 12am. i told him about this best hours thing. he said sorry and that he's not used to sleeping very late at night. and i was like, okay. i understand. i won't force him anymore. but at the backest part of my brain?! "oh please jake. i really want to spend some of my best hours with you." i don't know. somebody please help me. i am getting paranoid here. hahaha.

now with the mindset. i just have to accept it. accept the fact that jake doesn't really sleep late at night. that we can't have best hours. or if we can have, it would be once in a blue moon? haha. i really think so. accept it. don't be so mean dinzlee. don't be selfish. jake has his life too. you don't own him. you don't control him. and it's bad. it's bad if you force him to do the things he doesn't want to. that's really being selfish. you are just experiencing some adjustments now. in time, you will get used to it.

i don't know why i am teary-eyed right now. i don't have any reason to cry. i guess.

thanks benben. you never fail to be my best hours buddy whenever i need someone to get crazy with. haha.

i know i'm used to being alone. i can handle loneliness. but not now. just, not now.

"thou shall not compare." always remember that dinzlee.

ENGLISH 21

1.BEST COMICAL ACTOR

2.BEST IMPERSONATOR

3.BEST EVENT MANAGER

4.BEST DIRECTOR

5.MOST ENTERTAINING GROUP

6.BEST DANCE CREW

7.BEST MUSIC INTERPRETATION

8.BEST COMICAL PLAY

9.BEST LIVE MTV

10.BEST IMPERSONATION

11.MOST UNITED CLASS

12.BEST OVERALL SHOW

THANK YOU LORD! :))

ECE! ME! BSA! MA!

PRINTSCREEN

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, “It’s because you’re gay, isn’t it?”

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, “you will die in Seven days…” (Note, if you don’t understand this, watch The Ring. Then watch The Ring 2. Then watch Ringu.)

FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, “Walk much, dumb ass?”

FRIENDS: Help you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnap him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you’re okay when you’re crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, “Ha Ha, Loser!”

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, “Run, fucker, run!”

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, “That was awesome! Let’s do it again!”

or

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail again

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying “DAMN!” we messed up!
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried…just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, “My bad…here’s a tissue.”

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story…

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd’s ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME.”

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you’ve had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say “Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don’t waste!

FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this :)


dash, yabee, this is for you! i miss you pigs! i miss you so muuuuuuch!!! :))

PWEDE MA SAD?

first day of october
this is my status in facebook
my twitter is full of sad words
there is one sad face on my tumblr
and now in blogspot?

I WANT TO CRY.
I WANT TO BURST INTO TEARS AND LET THESE WORRIES GO AWAY.

THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-NINE

i did not notice the time! haha! it has been 369 days already since i started blogger! 1 YEAR AND 4 DAYS! hahaha! happy 369 days to my blog! happy 369 days seventhpaper! :))

52 MESSAGES

i just erased some of the messages in my inbox as well as in my sent items. of course, i didn't erase those memorable messages. you know me, i am very sentimental. and as i checked, my inbox has 52 messages and my sent items has 55. i want to make it both 50, but i can't help it. i can't erase such memorable messages.

actually, i am really sleepy now. i just slept for 5 hours last night. i should be in bed right now. but i don't know why. tinatamad pa akong matulog. i felt that i should do something first before sleeping. so here i am, typing a new post.

i just want to share something --- something which happened yesterday. nobody knows this yet. but i think after i'll post this, the whole universe will know it already. that is! if someone, out of boredom, accidentally browsed my page out of nothing at all. haha.

okay. here is what the story is really. it's a continuation (sort of) of my last post. ralph texted me last sunday and everything followed. yesterday, i let jake (kevin) read our conversation (me and ralph). oh really i was nervous. it was like my hands were super shaking. then after, i let him made his comments and violent reactions. his first question was "mahal mo pa siya?" i immediately answered, "di na." then i had a little explanation about things until i ended up sharing to him what was REALLY our story. oh i know blogger you know already my story with ralph. so i won't relay it AGAIN in this post. haha. so that was it. i also explained to him the reasons why i don't believe easily. why sometimes i doubt. why i made a decision for him to wait for me until i graduate. the reasons for everything i am now. i told him that it was because I AM AFRAID. i am scared to trust again or expect easily. trauma in short. because of what happened in the past, i am traumatized now. my tears were almost falling that time i was explaining. but i was able to stop it. thank GOD. then he put his left hand around my waist and i lay my head also on his left shoulder. i don't know what to say anymore until such time these words came out my mouth. "thank you. dahil kahit bad ako, mahal mo pa rin ako. di ka napapagod mahalin ako. thank you at nandiyan ka pa rin kahit problema na lang lagi binibigay ko sa'yo." and you know what? i just burst into tears. i felt it. tears. TEARS. falling tears! i didn't know i was sobbing already. i was saying thank you and sorry to him with my eyes so full of droplets of water falling down. I WAS CRYING.

what kevin did? he wiped my tears. he offered me hanky but i refused. he hugged me tighter. he held my hand tighter. he put his face near mine. he kissed me. he kissed me over and over again. he kissed me on the lips over and over again. he kissed me on the cheeks. he kissed me on my forehead. he put his face close, closer to my cheeks.

then he said, "don't worry. di lagi ako maging kagaya ni ralph. di ko gagayahin si ralph. iba man ako. i am not one of them. hindi man sex ang hanap ko sa babae." i interrupted, "true love?" (with a little smirky smile) he answered, "YES." (with a little smirky smile too) then i told him, "sumbaga si ralph pag magkita mo. bali-balia jud iyang bukog. as in sipa sipa-i jud siya. (RAR!)" he replied, "oh ayaw kabalaka. sumbagon jud to nko sya pag mgkita mi. ngnong gipasakitan man ka nya. sumbagon jd to nko sya. wla syay klaro." (pasikat daun braces. haha.)

yesterday was also the first time he said to me I LOVE YOU in person.

last night was really a turning point. napalabas ko na talaga lahat ng hinanakit ko kay ralph na matagal ko ng tinatago.  i cried. and mind you, it was the first time i cried to a boy personally. good thing kevin was there. if he wasn't there, oh i don't know what will happen to me yesterday. i was happy. very happy. not because of kevin's kisses! hahaha! oh it is a factor too. hahaha. but honestly, i didn't expect those kisses. all i want yesterday was that masabi ko lang kay kevin lahat lahat at maging clear na talaga sa kanya na siya talga pinili ko. 'yun lang. mapalabas lang kung ano yung mga matagal ko ng tinatago sa kaloob-looban ko. the kisses were very very very big bonuses. hahaha. i never expected it. really. so thank you LORD. thank you kevin jake. :))

as of now, i don't know what's going on with ralph. i don't know how he feels. but i really hope he's fine.

and as for kevin jake, THANK YOU. i'll say this again. and i will be saying it again over and over. i hope you won't get tired of hearing it. it's you whom i chose. so smile. be happy. don't ever be sad again. do it for me. :))

as of the moment, i already have 65 messages in my inbox. but the 52nd message that came in when first i was constructing this post was...

"I love you too..."

-0923_ _ _ _585

i was not even saying any i love you's. haha.

<3 :)) :D

FOR THE FIRST TIME

it's a song i'm currently listening to right now. it's by the script. and i just fell in love with it. well, i decided that it will be my post's title now because something just happened today --- an event how i wished happened a year ago.

ralph texted me today. i was shocked somehow. he shared to me that there is already a sun signal in pantukan. i replied to him. yeah we texted. shared some stories. until i received the text containing this message --- "should i still wait? should i still expect?" i know what he meant. i just made it sure i was thinking the right thoughts. then i was right. he asked if he still has the chance. i answered not anymore. then he replied to me, "aw. hahahaha. i'm late." then i told him why did he just tell me that today when i waited for him for almost 2 years. where was he during those times? he answered "do i have an excuse for being late? at least i was not absent." i replied, "yeah you may not be late but you made your absence too long and you didn't gave me any assurance." he replied back "i have an excuse letter here. it's a 2 year old excuse letter. but it's already useless. it's denied before it has gotten to you." i didn't know exactly what to say after. i want to read that excuse letter. I WANT TO HEAR THAT EXCUSE LETTER. i want to hear it from him. what was he feeling about me all those times we were apart. i just said to him i want to read that excuse letter somehow. but he replied "never mind. joke lang to. haha." i said sorry to him. sorry because i don't want to hurt him. and i don't mean to hurt him. but he just said "Don't be sorry. I don't deserve it. Save it for the most important person in your life now." i texted him "thank you ralph. one of my happiest moments were with you. and i don't regret all the things we made." i am not sure of the exact words of his reply, but if my interpretation is right, his text was like this, "you'll forget it soon. especially now that you have a new love." but i won't. i will always carry that memory for the rest of my life. it's not an illusion ralph. it's a memory. you were in it. we were in it. his last text was "encourage him to draw or paint you. because painting a picture of you is like painting a thousand words. and it spells and defies what love is. go ahead. tell him now. i know he will rush for it." i was like speechless and thoughtless for a few minutes. i wanted to cry but i don't know why. iiyak ba sa panghihinayang o iiyak dahil hindi ko akalaing ganoon pala niya ako kamahal? ewan.

i also had my last text. i told him i still want to be friends with him. that i want to him to meet kevin soon. i said sorry and thank you. after that, i did not receive any text message anymore.

i just found the most mature ralph this day. i was happy. but i don't know what was that happiness for. if only he acted like this way way way before, then he would not have to ask if he's late or not now. maybe i'm happy because naka-text ko na rin siya ng matino after 2 years. that we have talked about certain things. maybe, this is already our way of closing what we had before. closure. our love story has ended now. there is no more twilight, new moon, eclipse and breaking dawn. no more edward. no more bella. sayang lang. sana sinabi niya lahat ng mga pinagsasabi niya kanina noon pa, yung panahon na mahal na mahal ko pa siya, yung halos hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa kakahintay sa kanya. eto nga siguro yung sinasabi nilang, hindi kami para sa isa't isa. destiny just won't let us. we are just not meant to be.


RALPH,
I'm proud of you. You were man enough to accept the situation now. I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but I hope you'll be fine. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Thank you anyway. Raphelle is such a happy memory. I still want to be your friend. I am still your friend. Hope you feel the same way too.

Bella.

What happened today? It's like the first time I and Ralph texted. It was like Oct. 22, 2008 again.