YIELD POINT

gikapoy na ko.
pagod na ako.
i am tired already.

HEY (SO YEAH)

hey. i saw you today. you're still, uhm, handsome. we were about to cross paths. i planned to say hi. but you detoured. so yeah. i guess that's the punctuation mark. i wish you were there with me though. i wish we had the chance to talk. but yeah, yeah.


what happened this day? it is IT. the thing that i can finally say, no more you, no more thought about you, no more fantasies about you, no more dreams about you, no more expectations about you. NO MORE YOU.


we're done. forever done. what happened between you and me is now just a mere memory.


so yeah. i'm single as of the moment. single in mind and heart. no attachments. no commitments. no any something. looking forward? i do not know. just letting things happen the way they want to happen.


LET IT BE.


goodbye LOVES of my life. goodbye. it was nice creating good memories with you.

HEY.

do you want some daily conversations? advices perhaps? or just, if you feel like talking to someone but you don't have anyone to talk with? just comment here. i'll try to answer your questions and read your stories as much as i can. :)

07/29/2010

Hi Dinelle/Dinz/Wormy,

This is the first time I write you a letter and maybe it would also be the last depending on your decision. I usually write a letter when it comes to a situation like this. Usually when it comes to talking in person, I always say "Okay lang uyy..." then smile but deep inside myself I'm really not ok. Kapoy na mag english. Haha.. Basta hindi ko kaya sabihin in person kung ano talaga nararamdaman ko kaya dinadaan ko na lang sa pagsulat.

Pangit akong handwriting noh? Haha. pasensya na rin kung sa yellow paper ko lang gilagay, ngayon ko lang kasi naisipan na sulatan kita ng letter kasi gusto ko sabihin lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sayo. Okay let's start.

Hmmmm... Kamusta ka naman? Sad ka pa rin ba? Anu ba pwede kong gawin para mapasaya kita? Gagawin ko talaga ang lahat pata mapasaya lamang kita. Ayaw ko kasi makita ka na malungkot eh. Tsk3x. Smile ka naman jan. =p Hahaha..

Anyways, about nung Wednesday, alam mo naman ata kung ano talaga nararamdaman ko eh. Sa totoo lang nasaktan talaga ako eh, ito siguro reason kung bakit mahirapan ako maghinga nung Wed. But I ask myself, bakit ba ako masaktan? May karapatan ba ako sayo? I'm really sorry kung selfish ako. Wala naman akong rights eh, hindi naman kita girlfriend kaya wala akong karapatan.

I know someday you will really choose between the two of us. I'm a man of my words, I won't give up on you, I will still wait for you and definitely I will fight for you. But if you choose "Him", then I will step aside, I will let you go if that will really make you very happy. I'm still waiting for your decision. Kaya siguro ang lalim ng ginaisip mo ngayon maybe because you are choosing between both of us.

I really don't know what to do right now. Tsk3x. Siguro nalabas ko na lahat ng saloobin ko. Hintayin ko na lang kung ano magin decision mo. I will take the risk/s kung ano man maging decision mo. I'm really sorry wormy and thank you for everything.

Kevin Jake

*INSERT TITLE HERE*

it has been a/an *insert adjective here* third week of school.

wanna know what happened?

• vector analysis assignment
• material science quiz
• electronics quiz
• differential equations exam

plus the forever first sem 8 to 8 class schedule. maybe you will all say that the above mentioned things are just "easy". but it's not. what they said was really true. third year is very stress. very bombarded with all the major major subjects. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! do you know that feeling when you just want to scream and shout out so loud all the stress that you have in your body and brain!? the heavy feelings you have inside?! that is what i want to do now. problem is, i don't have my voice back yet. still suffering from sore throat.

and for the tshirt design, i wanna say sorry if the statement turned out to be "hilas". we never intended it to be like that. when we thought about doing it, we were just thinking of fun and enjoyment. you know. we just give it a shot to pass that design. you know, as they say, there is no harm in trying. and that, opportunity comes once so grab it when it comes to you. yeah. we just wanted to join the tshirt design contest. if our design wins, it's a celebration. if not, then it's okay. we'll join again next year. the contest has just a very simple rule. if you like the design, vote for it. if not, vote another one. we did not have any control anymore of the voters. lastly, if they wanna change it, wanna have new designs, it's okay with us. what's important is the shirt that wins is the one that everybody loves to wear anytime anywhere. i hope that clears our side. let's not make divisions. let's be one. after all, CEA is a family. we should be. :)

in two days, another *insert adjective here* week will start. yeah yeah.

A BLOG POST TO GOD 4

Dear God,

Sorry if we can't go again to mass this week. Three Sundays I think already that we weren't able to go to church. But I know You are there listening to us. As much as I can, I speak to you in any time, in any place. Even though I am alone speaking to You, I think that could be considered already a church, OUR CHURCH together. We are having a conversation one on one. :)

Thank You God for the love. I feel so much love from You, from my mom, my dad, my brother, and nothing can simply ever replace it. Nothing can beat it.

Thank You for guiding me for the past 8 days of school. Thank You for being with me all the time, in every classroom I go into, in every lesson I hear, in every teacher I meet, in every classmate I talk to, in every assignment I do, in every meeting or commitment I go. Third year is not easy. It is not a joke. We are so bombarded with major subjects plus our schedule is not so friendly too. But still I survive each day. And I cannot do it without You. Thank You so much. :)

God, You know what I feel right now. Everyday I am fighting the temptation of my bed because I know I have to study or scan my notes first. Everyday I am urging myself to wake up immediately so that I won't be late. Everyday I am orienting myself to keep calm and not panic over the requirements that our teachers give us. Everyday, I am balancing my schedule because I still can't catch up with the 30 minutes lunch, activity period breaks, and 8pm dismissal time. Sometimes, I wanna give up already. I admit that. But whenever I see my laptop's wallpaper, whenever I see my phone's wallpaper, I am reminded that I should continue what I am doing. Don't give up. Fight the negative energies. Never think of having a detour again. Make the pathway straight. Little by little, slowly, one step at a time, I know I can finish this. I WILL FINISH THIS.

Help me God. Give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom, the knowledge, the energy I need to continue my journey and surpass all the humps I'll take ahead. I know this is just part of the training for me to become a MORE better person.

Thank You God. I think this is life at its best. Simplicity. Nothing beats the pleasure and comfort of sleeping at night without any worries at all. Calm. Peace of mind. Happiness.

I LOVE YOU! Amen. :')))))

EASY A

i just wanna share this. i know it's already somehow a movie shown last year but, this movie contributed to my best night this summer when i watched it again. and that is, tonight! :)

ENJOY! :)

A BLOG POST TO GOD 3

Dear God,

Hello there! Sorry God if I can't go to church this week. That's why I am writing you again this blog post. It's my way to thank you for all the things that happened to my life this week and for the past weeks.

• For the hair overhaul (Hahaha! I like this term so much.)
• For the dinner at Chika-an last Sunday
• For the many many foods like ice cream, fruit salad, chocolates, siomai, carrot juice, etc.
• For the enrollment (Thanks that it went well and that I was able to enroll really. It's a tough time for our family today financially. I want to go to school and finish ECE. I really want to. (Please let me.))
• For the love and happiness I feel, love from my parents and happiness in my surroundings

THANK YOU FOR THESE ALL!

And as school year 2011-2012 starts on Wednesday, help me as I take a new revolution again in my school life. It's a new year, new subjects, new challenges. Help me surpass it all. Help me not to have failing grades. I don't want to fail. I want to pass. I don't want to have that pink form and be in the probationary status. Help me make my parents proud. I am not doing this for them only, this is also for You and for myself. Be with me always. Amen. :)

ANG DAKILA KONG SEATMATE

Hindi siya pankaraniwan

In short, abnormal kung minsan

Di madaling maintindihan

Kaya laging naiiwanan

Pero pag lubos ng makilala

Ibang saya ang hatid niya

Super funny jokes daw ang dala

Sa kakornihan ka na lang natatawa

Minsan kami’y kumakanta

Pagduduet ang aming naging halimbawa

Kahit sintunado ay patuloy pa rin

Di mapigilan kahit ano mang gawin

Magaling din siya sa paghihilot

The best sa pag pindot pindot

One of a kind ang power niyang ito

Na wala sinuman kahit si Super Inggo

Siya ang tinutulugan ko pag ako’y inaantok

Ang boring naman kasi ng lesson ni Sir Bok

Minsan kami’y parang mga batang naglalaro

Kahit seniors na ay power rangers kung tumodo

Ulirang photo editor namin

Hilig din niya ang subject na cooking

Nangongopya sa akin [??]

At super emo pagdating sa damdamin

Siya ang dakilang seatmate ko

Two years kaming partner sa panloloko

Si Rupunepel! Wala ng iba pa!

Mapabupuhapay kapa! Hapahapa haphapa!

this is a poem i made for my ever beloved seatmate for 2 years. i call him rupu. he calls me dipi. yeah he's a boy. many said that we should just end up together. but still, NO WAY HIGHWAY. i just don't feel IT. hahaha! though i really love him as my bestfriend, my boy bestfriend. we share everything together. and when i say everything, i mean everything. >:) yeah. i just miss him lately. you know, all the childish things we do. maybe soon, we can do power rangers stuff again. :]

OH SORRY, the poem is done in filipino. you  can translate it anyway using google translate or whatever translator online. :]

UNFINISHED BUSINESSES

i have MANY MANY MANY poems that aren't finish until now. some are two liners, some one stanza, some two stanzas, bottomline, they are all unfinished. hahaha! i know i know, i should finish them. but you know, writer's block. maybe one day, someday, i'll finish them. i just need some inspiration. :)

-----------------------------------------------

It was destiny’s celebration when we met

The stars changed the orbit of our planets

It was like the most perfect time of our existence

Never thought it would be a one of a kind experience

My heart started to pump more blood

I was standing like a human lightning rod

You brought thunder and electrified my whole body

You made it shiver so enthusiastically

----------------------------------------------------------------

Those memories we‘ve shared will last forever

It is already drafted on my life’s tracing paper

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, we met again 3 days ago

--------------------------------------------------------------

there you go. this is my way to you know, expose them. at least even though they are all unfinished, they can still have the exposure they deserve. :]

THEN AND NOW

It was 8 years ago when I first had a crush on you
I was only 5 when my sky turned into blue
You made me open my heart for you
Even though at that time I am still 7 minus 2


I was only a kid when I first saw your face
I was sitting on a chair feeling out of place
I never thought we'd be classmates on that year
Cause it was only my first day, still shy and with fear


Years had passed, we were separated apart
You and I went to someone's heart
I have my own, you have yours too
But still I finish seeing myself in you


Now I'm here, the chance is in me
I have said it to in front of everybody
But I don't know if you took it seriously
What's important is, I have faced the reality


So if someone will ask you about my feelings
You know already the answer to that thing
I know you're not numb to feel it in me
And I know you're a friend who can understand me


To a person I call JB. That day when I shouted inside our classroom in front of our classmates that I have a crush on you, I meant it. It's just so sad you lost the bookmark I gave to you. Meant it or not, bottomline is you lost it. That just means, let's forget about it. Let's forget about everything. :)

BETTER THAT WE BREAK

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby 




RELAX. this is just a song by maroon 5. no more, no less. or should i say, no less, but i think there's more than just this being a song. :]

MARKerz

this is something i made 3 years ago. this is supposedly put on our yearbook in high school as our class prophecy. but oh well, we decided to take out the prophecy and had a page of  photos collaged instead. you know, a picture paints a thousand words as the song goes. since it wasn't published, i decided to publish it here instead. at least my efforts would not be put to waste. at least this composition will have its deserved exposure. :)

“Saint Mark is not a first section class. It is a community. But it is not a community if there is no common goal and unity.” –BSN

“You are the one to be blamed for this!”

“No! You are!”

“You are!”

“No! You!”

WAAAAAH!!! Saint Mark is that you??

Do you still remember these lines? Oh yeah. The most unforgettable speech choir it is! The event that made us screamed “YES!! WE MADE IT!” It was our long waited success. But do you know the story behind it? Does everybody know what we went through before we got our triumph? I am sure not all of you know it. So let me have this pleasure to tell it to you.

IL SATIRA CHUPETA ANGEL CONDENSADA

Ehem ehem!! Introducing… Saint Mark!! (mga dakilang anak ni Brady S. Nave a.k.a Regine Velasquez!)  Whooooo yeah!! We know it was tough handling fifty-one students. (halata naman eh!) But we were so blessed to have him as our adviser—optimistic, understanding and so patient.

Being a resident of St. Mark does not mean convenience. (mahirap talaga pag nasa first section ka) it is not as easy as what you think. We are like superman! (oh yeah! up, up and away!) We have this big red cape on our back but in front of us is a kryptonite that we always try to hide. Why I said so? Let us just say that the pressure is in us. (pressure daw! physics!) We are expected to be the models of our batch and eventually, the whole high school department. It is much a herculean task. (iiddiioommss!!) Everybody is looking at us. One false move and we are definitely out.

It is somehow true. I think we were the most controversial class ever. (hmmm.. let me remember..)  Wide gaps from different teachers arose. (boogsh! splat! wapak!) Many commented that we were the noisiest class among all the sections in the fourth year. (blah blah blah blah) They are saying that whenever they come in our classroom, it is like they enter into a whole new dimension. (planet yekok!) There even came to a point (I think!) that we were the talk of the town. That whenever someone will ask “What section are you?” and we answer “St. Mark”, they answer back “Oh, I see.” You know! Things like that! We were even sent to the guidance office for counseling!! (I’m talking as in all of us!) What a record breaking event isn’t it? (pwede na pang guinness) The dirtiest classroom, the super reactive students—these are all what they say. It is like a pirated CD playing over and over again. Oh well, we got used to it. (bumibili kasi ng pirated eh!)

Here comes this moment. (this is it!) Just one hour. Sixty minutes of nothing but mouthful of words from our adviser. (nag ULTIMATE STRESS na si sir breydi! oh no! physics again!?) Oh my... Everybody just got into their seats. Nobody even dared to talk or just stand up. Do you want to read some of his famous lines? (yung pang best actor..) Here it goes…

1. Kuyaw na kayo mo ba. Dako lagi inyong utok pero inyong heart pagamay ng pagamay!
2. Naa pud uban estudyante diri, NR lang kayo. Walay pake-alam sa mga panghitabo.
3. Mas maayo pa noh na mag adviser ko ug bottom 20 pero ang ugali top 20 man pud.
4. Sa sobraan ug trabaho, ang pamatasan di na maayo! (wow! pangmakata!)
5. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. (nosebleed…)

See! Who would not be moved with those lines! But above all, the bottom line there is… CHANGE. We need to change—an immediate change for the betterment of ourselves. Change our actions. Change our attitudes. That’s what Sir Breydi wants us to do. (and most of the teachers too!) In short, St. Mark needs a “renovation”. (sosyal! parang bahay!)

(pero di pa rin kami nadala!) We all went to the chapel and had a holistic way of solving our fight against ourselves. We all prayed for the change that it may be granted to us soon.

Yeah. We needed it badly. We were so down those times—planning to do something but cannot do it anyway. Many said that the cheering was a disappointment as well as the paskuhan. We were so hurt, you know. Where is our unity by the way? What do we know with the term “bonding”? Sometimes, we ask “Is St. Mark a failure?” But I keep on saying “NO!” I believe in our capabilities. I know we can do it. I know that all of us are trying to be good in whatever way we can. It is just that sometimes, we are not understood. We are always expected to be on top. We are expected to be with flying colors. But the reality speaks that, we are not robots. We are just mere humans. Even the best fall down sometimes. (uii. kanta yan!) We are these people, who are, one way or another, treated differently but, we, ourselves, try to reach out to others so that we will not be aliens of this world.

So we talked. We all agreed. (tarungon namo ang speech choir! last na jud ni! pag mapalpak pa ni, failure na jud ta! diri na namo mapatunayan tanan! mamugas jud ta! St. Mark gahut!)

But it was not easy. (supeeer!) I thought we all had one objective already, but, we still had feuds along the process. (at yun ang pinakamalaki! world war 3! clash of ideas! super duper misunderstanding! lumabas na lahat ng mga salitang ugat! gusto niyo sample? ehem! “oh ba! pagahiay ta ninyo. tan awun nto knsa mas gahi.” “f**k y**!” nitubag pud. f**k y** too!” haha! hah kau! tawanan nlng ntn. according pa nga kai marj. past is past. haha!)

BLAME! That was the main content of our piece. Now who’s to be blamed for this chaos? “Blame, blame, blame! Is there no end to this blaming game?” (igo kaayo mi sa among sariling speech) For almost a week we did not had a proper practice. Even our performance on our classes was disturbed. (matamlay masyado kami. nadala ng emosyon.) I remember we did not participate on two subjects the day after we had our open forum. (hmmm. anong mga subject kaya yun? RESPITO. haha!) We even had problems still days before our presentation. (grabe! pahirapan na jud ni..)

Tentenenentenen!! It was our presentation day already. Preparations here, last minute instructions there, taranta everywhere!! But that was so cool. IL SATIRA DI NOSTRO PALESE EVOLUZIONE!! The Satire of Our Seeming Evolution. (satire?? huh?? unsa na?? nosebleed) We performed our piece with the unity in our hearts and the MARK in our minds that we are the MARKERZ. We are all one! And know what, in the end, we won! We won the battle against ourselves! We have proven that we can make it and that we are not a failure! We have realized that we just have to be in harmony and everything else will be done in peace. Most of all, we have changed, and we can succeed no matter what.

This is us. This is who we are. This is St. Mark—the MARKERZ. Definitely, we were able to MARK a MARK in your lives. (hala sige! sabta!) We marked something—a memory that will never fade away in this school.

St. Mark heto tayo!!

Walang limutan!!

Stand up and say…

“I am proud to be a MARKER!!”

“I marked something in your world!”

“The change may not take overnight but it’s the start. So, what are we waiting for? What now?”

-pag sure ui!!

 NOW PLAYING...

…[tahong ni breydi ay este! Tahong ni Karla]

…[soulja boy chipmunks version—naay nasuya ani. haha. peace.]

…[low – ang pambansang awit natin]

Oh How I Love LOVE

Oh how I love LOVE so much

It makes me feel your warmest touch

It makes me smile for no reason at all

Even physics can’t calculate my heart’s free fall

Oh how I love LOVE superbly

It spells the words “you and me”

It may give some people a sad destiny

But for us, we are definitely meant to be

Oh how I love LOVE from head to toe

We could certainly match Juliet and Romeo

I could be your queen and you’ll be my king

Together we’ll create the kingdom we’re dreaming

Oh how I love LOVE because of you

How I love the way you say I LOVE YOU

How I’m blessed that K met D

How I wish you could really wait for me

this is a poem i made last july 25, 2010. i remember, i was making this one while studying for my physics exam the day after, or i should say, i stopped studying physics because i got bored and did this. :] that explains why there is sort of a physics aspect at the first stanza of this poem. :]

this is a poem i made for kevin (jake). that explains why there is the letter K there. and D, it's my initial obviously. :] well, what brought this up? uhm, tomorrow, may 13, is his birthday. so yeah. it's kinda a gift. i don't know if we'll see each other tomorrow. that's impossible for sure. so i'll just have this post my gift to him. i hope he reads this. hahahahaha! i really don't know. i think it will be a one in a million chance for him to read this. oh well, i'll leave it up to him. i'll greet him however tomorrow, through text and fb i think. i hope i can still memorize his number. hahaha! i did not save his number ever since. he knows it anyway. well oh well, so much for this rant. :]

happy candle cakes day jake. jakey. kevin jake. keviny jakey. jakeyoo. bird (birdy). hope you have a good one. you're popping out in my mind lately but i guess that's just normal, don't you? nevermind it anyway. :]

ISKOLAR

the title is the filipino translation of the english word, scholar. and i think you know already what that word means.

all my life i have been a scholar since the day i started learning how to hold a pencil and write my name on a piece of paper. not until i transfered school and studied in ateneo, that was the time i got no hold of any scholarships anymore. i know, i worked hard during my high school days for me to have a good record because i really planned to apply for any scholarship. but the thing was that, i wanted to study architecture back then. and i really want to study in ateneo. but they have no scholarship grants for nursing and architecture students. i don't know why. but it's their policy so let's respect it. when i graduated, i received 3 scholarship grants from 3 different schools namely davao doctor's college, siliman university in dumaguete, and university of mindanao. i even passed the university of the philippines college admission test which makes me eligible to enroll in that prestigious school. BUT... davao doctor's college only offer medical courses. siliman university has no architecture program and it's in dumaguete --- in the island of visayas! far away from davao. university of the philippines is also far away from the city proper. that means i have to spend added fare or spend money for a dormitory. in that case, i thought to myself that it's like paying tuition fees again. i tried to apply for other institutions that grants scholarship like SM but they offered no architecture. so i was left with my only option, grab university of mindanao's scholarship offer.

yeah. basically i studied there. dad was even sort of happy because it's his alma mater. to my surprise, i got a full scholar even though i should just get 50 or 75 percent. i don't know how they made the calculations. i just followed the rules. but i think this is like. people change. people's minds change. i can't take it architecture anymore because i realized, i'm a slow drafter. i'm a moody designer. i can't draw under pressure. i mean i can, but my designs will go abstract. you know what i mean when i say abstract. yeah. that was it. so i told my mom that i wanted to shift. it was a long battle. a very long one. dad was not so in favor of it at first but thank God he agreed later on. i told him i want to study engineering and i want to study in ateneo. LONG BATTLE as i said. blah blah blah. i don't want to put it in details anymore. i think you have had enough of it already.

uhm yeah. to make the story short, i don't know now. my dad is working abroad but their company is in danger of laying off workers again. i don't want him to lose his job. i don't want to stop going to school.

i know i should not say this but let me say this. it's bad to hide feelings right?

if only i had chosen engineering in the first place, i still would have been a scholar until now...