IF I WERE A BOY

this is what i will do on valentines day IF I WERE A BOY and IF I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND or maybe not a girlfriend, A CRUSH WILL DO.

-- i will ask her friends what is her favorite flower and buy it.

-- i will ask her friends again what is her favorite chocolates and buy it.

-- or maybe i'll just buy a cake instead of chocolates.

-- i will write a poem for her telling her how much i love her.

-- or what if i'll draw her face? that would be cooler! how i wish i'm a good artist.

-- i will sing in front of her in the public. oops! i think i don't have that much guts so i'll just record my voice in a cd singing sweet songs for her.

-- i will make sure she's free for valentines even just for an hour or two. even if we can't have dinner together, at least we can spend quality time together and make the most out of it.

-- i will do all the preparations secretly. i'll make sure she'll have no single idea what my mind is up to.

-- in short, these things will all come as a surprise.

-- in the end, i'll tell her how much i love her by simply saying these words sincerely --- I LOVE YOU.

how sweet! how romantic! i am willing to do these all! ONLY IF, IF ONLY, I AM A BOY. :)

VALENTINES

red day! haha. and for that day, these are the things i always wish for. too sad, it only stays as a wish. it never came true. oh, some of them came true. but that was so long ago already. haha. i'll post some wishes here. these things that make me oh so kilig everytime they pass through my hands. hahaha!

1. WHITE ROSES. i always wanted blue, but too sad, no blue roses here in the philippines.
2. CHOCOLATES. snickers, ferrero rocher, kitkat, hersheys. yeah.
3. CANDIES. skittles!!!!!! im craving for them. haha.
4. CAKES and PASTRIES. brownies. cheesesticks. red ribbon.
5. SONG NUMBER. that kind of love song that will really make me laugh. haha.
6. i forgot the others.
7. now i remember that i don't even care what people will give me,
8. as long as it will SURPRISE me,
9. and it comes really from the HEART. :)
10. BOW.

<3 :)

TWET TWET TWET

this is supposed to be a tweet on twitter. but i realized it's too long so i just decided to post it here on my blog.

just droppin' by to tweet, please people let us respect each other's opinions. oh yes, i'm pertaining to the elections thingy in our school. not just in our school, but this also extends to the community. we are all unique. we have each our own will. that's why candidates have their campaign period for them to have the chance to say their platforms and FOR US to listen to them and NOT to judge them. let us give all candidates the chance to campaign their selves. let us not close our minds to what other people say or what do our friends believe. because even friends have different thoughts. and to all the friends - friendships out there, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, respect your friends' choice. true friendship is when you have trust, respect, understanding, support and belief no matter WHAT YOUR DIFFERENCES ARE.

PLEASE, let us all be mature enough to set aside work from personal life. let us all be professional. let us not hurt each other, pressure each other, blackmail each other and brain wash each other. if it's meant to be, it will be. IT'S DESTINY. IT'S GOD'S WILL. in the end, we will all be friends. in the end, we will all BE WITH OUR FRIENDS.

this is the very reason why, i have decided, I WILL NOT JOIN ANY POLITICAL PARTY ANYMORE IN OUR SCHOOL. i had plans before, but now those plans will stay as a plan. i may support some candidates from different parties, but that will be from MY OWN BELIEF, OPINION AND DECISION.

also, i think i will not run too for any position in the EASEC (if given the chance) anymore. perhaps for a spot in the ECE rep i will. but for other posts, i think i won't anymore. i can't stand the fact that some people hurt others' feelings just because of what they believe. i think i will just run posts for SELECOMES. i think.

the very reason of all the things i murmured above is --- FRIENDS. i can't take it seeing them hurt, pressured, confused or what. i love them all so much. i just don't want to have reasons for us (friends) to have misunderstandings, and worst, break ups. it's going to be so painful. trust me.

this is just an opinion --- a thought that needed to have an outlet. and this blog is an outlet. so, please, let us start practicing our respect for each other after reading this. i am not pointing to specific persons here. this is just what i observed. but if i have hurt you somewhere here in my post, from the bottom of my heart, i am humbly saying SORRY.

always remember that, after all, the two most important things in life are happiness and peace of mind. that kind of thing that you can sleep peacefully, dream happy dreams, wake up with a smile, start the day right, and walk publicly without having to worry what will my life be. :)

BREAKEVEN

feel like crying now. i do not even know why. i think i am just carried away by the breakeven song. it's by the script. heard of it before. years ago. but it's just now that the lyrics really sank in my mind. and it's ouch.

i know i shouldn't be talking bout them anymore. but i can't help it. it sucks. they haunt me. okay i know i'm in control of my thoughts but you know, there are just times that you can't stop them from popping out in your brain. rawr.

ralph? i miss him. i really miss him! i daydream him. i dream him at night. i always wish that he would text slash call me one day and say he misses me cause really, i will HUG him!!! oh poor me. poor me.

jake? i just want to ask him what is really the reason behind last dec 23, 2010. i didn't ask him. maybe i deserve an explanation. a clear explanation. maybe not. i do not know! if i ask him now, would it still be valid?! i don't know. honestly? if he'll ask for a second chance now, i will really give it to him! no doubt! no hesitations! poor me again. poor me.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin'. And yeah, I'm fallin' to pieces."

DREAMSSS

i remember, last wed-thurs night, i dreamed bout ralph. in my dream, we were so happy together. we were undeniably sweet. we were in a certain store with key chains all over. i saw an A key chain. i dunno why A and what's with that A. i wanted to buy it but he said in my dream that he wanted to give me something more than that letter A. and so he handed me a key chain that is shaped like a little boy and a little girl with some little bells on it. he said that i should wear it always and that he will get mad if i won't wear it. he told me not to lose it. then he held my hand. i also held his' too. he wrapped my arms around me, pulled me closer to him. i wrapped my arms around him as well. then, poof. dream disappeared. another second passed, i just heard my mom calling my name telling me to wake up already.

okay now, WHAT WAS THAT DREAM ALL ABOUT?! does it have a meaning? if so, WHAT'S THE MEANING? i wanna know. but i know i will not know it. i will never know it. even though i want to find answers, they will never just show up. so okay, move on. continue living. go back to what i usually do. home school home school.

i miss you ralph. i do. and believe it or not, i miss kevin jake too. sigh. what is happening to me? i miss two boys. is that even right? well, i don't care anymore. put me to prison now because i'm definitely guilty. guilty of missing two boys in my life. guilty of bringing back memories with them. guilty of denying if i have really moved on now or not yet. GUILTY.

DISE OTSO

posted last jan. 29, 2010 on my facebook account. i just wanna share this here. :)

.it was very much like this a week ago. rainy weather. cold breeze. dark clouds. it seemed that the heavens are pouring on a handful of tears to earth. i was staring up in the sky wishing that the following day i would see mr sun. for it was the 23rd of january. a day scheduled to be part of my history.

.boooom baby.!! 6 days ago i celebrated my 18th birthday. it was sooooo fuuuuun.!! i admit i had a hard time planning for it. everybody knows that i want a children's party at mcdo for my 18th. but our budget can't afford it. haha. so we tried asking for other restos with a great deal. but we just couldn't find one. they all seem to have something lacking. until one day. i think 2 weeks from 23. mom's idea popped out her mind. she suggested that we will have the celebration here in our house. she will cook the food. and we will just rent chairs for the visitors. so i thought. if i can't have my children's party at mcdo. why not bring mcdo here in our house.!? hahaha.

.and so i did. i brought mcdo here in our house. [not literally though. :))] i asked mom if i could have balloons for my birthday. she said yes.!! weeee. i bought party hats from my savings to add drama to my children's party. huweee. spongebob.!! hahaha. and my cake.? a pink barbie chuchu. we got it from my aunt. she's a good baker. it was my first time to see a cake like that. :)) so LOVE everything. all plans i had in mind became REAL. hahaha.

.hmm. what was it like when i woke up last 23.? it was a normal day. i got up early to go to school and attend my pe and fydp classes. after that i went home immediately to help my mom in all the stuffs for my party. when i reached our gate. hahaha.!! i laughed.!! i saw all the chairs and tables already set up. i even saw the balloons and put them inside our house because they might pop due to extreme heat. oh yeah. mr sun shone that day. i thank GOD so much for granting my request. :)) you see. i was already happy just by seeing those chairs, tables and balloons. tinuod na jud ni.!! :))

.i helped mom cooked the sphagetti. i grated the cheese. but what's more interesting during that span of time. i even made my assignment for my chem class.!! hahaha. maybe i just don't know what to do exactly. then i sent a gm to everybody. dash texted me. lola texted me. they were all asking for the details. i set up the balloons outside. hmm. i was just all smiles that day. then i turned on my laptop. i was hoping i could post something on my fb's wall, my twitter and my tumblr before the party starts. but whoooosh. somebody from outside called my name.!! teneeeeen.!! it was lola and tina.!! oh my. tinupad talaga nila ang kasabihang early bird catches the early worm. haha. i thought sila lang talaga dalawa ang pupunta dahil si berna ay nagdrama sa akin minutes before. but then. i hate berna so much. haha. it was just a joke. a prank. she just want to surprise me. how sweet. i remember i was shouting "i hate you berna" so many times when i saw her walking towards me that time. hahaha. then they let me close my eyes beacuse they told me they still has a surprise for me. i thought it was jintot. oh yeah. i really thought it was her. i thought lola was able to kidnap her and brought her here in our house. but when i opened my eyes. it was a boy.!! hahaha.!! benben.!! whoooo.!! hahaha.!! peace benben. i mean really thought it was jintot and i don't mean to hurt you naman. i thought kasi you will be with jiar. i'm still happy though you made it. i thought you won't accept my invitation. but you came.!! hahaha.!! the best.!! may white roses pa.!! :)) that was it. i immediately rushed to the bathroom to take a bath. finally. my first batch of visitors were here. i gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. :))

.i took a bath dali dali. haha. after. we picture2 with co2 and benben and the white rose. haha. ralph called me but i wasn't able to answer it. so i texted him. he replied. he said sorry for he can't come. huwel. okay. the show must go on with or without you. hahaha. :p it was already dark. we went outside na to place ourselves sa mga tables. mom told us that we picture muna sa cake and sa food. family picuture nga daw. so ayun. but while having picture2. huwaaa. haha. shishi and the gang sprouted. haha. there goes shishi marj and emuii. hazel also was here na. jenki arrived few minutes after. huwooo.!! love. hapit njd. haha. when aya and kamil arrived. ayun na.! boom.! haha. pray na si hazel. kanta na si emuii ng korean version sa hapi bday. sang il chu kahamnida.! hahaha. mali pjd dw to huwel. bahala na. basta lingaw. aya and shi helped me light the candles. perti kadaghan uii. 18 jd. hahaha. then BLOOOOW.!! huwooo. :))

.kainan na.!! attack the food na. timing lang dumating ang v1 cmates ko. pti nrn cla master at iber. timing jd kau cla. kaon na. haha. go go. join the attack.! haha. while i was eating. suzette came sa house at binigay ang gift niya. huwaaa. so touched.!! nka smile jd ko.!! samot hapi.!! i invited her to eat muna but she said no na because she was going to a debut also. at alam ko na kng kaninong debut yun. hmmm. hahaha. aun kain2 na. dash arrived finally.!! haha. pasaway kau. 8pm njd niabot. ana ko 5. haha. dumating na rin si ian my labs. nag jump2 jd ko pag abot nya. haha. at napatunayan ko ult na kapag bday mo di ka tlga makakakain ng mabuti. dahil di ko tlga natapos ang pagkain ko.!! haha. we proceeded na sa getting to know you. actually. plano ko lng tlga nun introduce yourself lng. eh naging message2 something na. mas bongga.!! huweee. lupigan pa nko ang nag 18 candles and roses.!! hahaha. love.!! salamat sa tnan. labun na kay ian ug kay benben na pabadlong kau. haha. last din pala dumating si anin. sus wla jd nagbago. haha. sya rin last nagchuchu introduce. natats jd ko sa tnan ninu gi ingn. sa tnan nga wishes and hopes for me. salamat. :))

.lingaw kau uii. master and shishi the best tandem ever. hahaha.!! maski kinsa lng gitira.!! LOVE.!! katawa tnan.!! so fun.!! ang pinakalingaw sa tnan.?! ktng lalake na katugon ang nawung na naka long sleeves ug red. hahaha. doms.!! bida kau ka.!! haha. :))

.videoke na. ang kampay ng lahat. haha. knta na mga assumptionista. ang mga bagag nawung wla jd nagpapigil. haha. master bonded with my arki cmates sa um. wee. birds of the same feathers arkis flock together. haha. getting to know. pa hawday daw lgi drawing. hahaha. naulaw man akng mga v1 cmates. ambot lgi ngno. kelangan cguro nila the bar ato pra ma charge. haha. pro peace guys. clean fun muna tau. next time nlng. haha. love kau uii. enjoy everyone. it was just to happy to see everyone laughing even though some are inside the house singing. while some are outside chatting and eating. :))

.the time came. everybody had to leave. they go home na. it was already late too. me and dash nlng naiwan. perti si yabee kadugayan uii. haha. i think it was already 12 when she arrived. didto pa sya nag diner. haha. oh ha lechon iyang midnight snack. haha. then it was sleepover time.!! huweee.!! punas muna kami. ice cold kau ang tubig. nag mejas jd ko after. haha. fb sa laptop. fb sa computer. fb everywhere.! haha. tpos nun nanoon na kmi ng sleepover sa laptop. special request ni dash. plus. di pa tlga kmi nadala. kain prn junk foods habang nanonood. huwoo. haha. pro ambot ngno to. katugon kau ko nag tan aw. awa. pa yuko2 akng ulo. gi kataw an ko nila dash ug yabee. haha. picture2 habang nanonood. hanggang sa matapos. then tulog. ang sweet. ako sa gitna. katabi ko mga love ko sa buhay. soft soft pa. haha. :)) nagkasya tlga kami sa isang kama. oh ha. that was one of my most memorable sleeps. sleeping with the two persons you love most. :))

.when we woke up. LOVE. haha. i love our faces. picture kaagad.!! then we had breakfast. kain mango pudding. watch 2012. naligo. at hindi pa tlga nadala. wlang trip. attack dunkin donuts sa robinsons.!! hahaha. LOVE. nagbaktas lng mi padulong didto. dagan2 kay ulan na.!! haha. mura jd mga bata. nag hot choco at coffee sa dunkin. munchkins at donuts. oishi at ung isang junk food pa. ice coffee. dd rangers. ang resulta.?! gipangsakitan ug tiyan after.!! hahaha. lingawa jd ato uii. chika chika. i revealed something to them. a secret i tried to keep to myself forever at first but eventually decided to tell it to them because they are my sisters. :)) na stop gd c dash pag ingn nko. na shock jd dw sya. hahaha. bsta mao nto. kmo ghpn akng masters. magpraktis sko pra mapildi nko ang 7minutes. haha. it was another moment with tripod. moment na di ko kelanman ipagpapalit ng kahit na ano. :))

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR MAKING MY 18TH BIRTHDAY A CERTIFIED MEMORY!! THANK YOU FOR THE GREETINGS PIPLETS --- THE TEXTS, CALLS, CHATS, AND EVERYTHING.!! THANKS TO ALL THE PEEPS WHO CAME TO MY SIMPLE YET WORTHWHILE CELEBRATION DESPITE OF EACH OUR BUSY SCHEDULES. THANK YOU ALSO TO THE PEEPS WHO WANTED TO COME BUT JUST COULDN'T. I KNOW YOU ALL HAVE REASONS WHY AND I UNDERSTAND IT. I KNOW TOO THAT YOU LOVE ME AND YOU CARE FOR ME AND YOU REALLY WISHED YOU WERE THERE. KNOWING THAT IS ALREADY ENOUGH TO ADD MORE SO MUCH TO MY HAPPINESS. THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY TOO FOR STICKING TO MY PLANS AND MAKING THEM ALL COME TRUE. THANK YOU PAPA FOR THE BUDGET AND THANK YOU MOMMY FOR THE PREPARATIONS AS WELL AS THE RESTORATION. MOST OF ALL, THANK YOU DEAR JESUS FOR THE 18TH YEARS ON EARTH, THE CHANCE TO LIVE HERE IN YOUR WONDERFUL WORLD, THE BLESSINGS, THE LOVE, CARE, SUPPORT AND CONSTANT GUIDANCE, AND FOR THE HAPPINESS I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

.hantod karon. wala gihapon ko ka get over. hang over gihapon. salamat. salamat jud kaayo sa inyo tanan. LOVE. :))

19th on the 19

to my high school friends who did not forget my birthday.

to my architecture buddies who texted me also even though lately, we haven't that much kept in touch.

to my ece 2 and ece 3 family for the tshirt surprise.

to my v1 friends who "pasimple" greeted me.

to my ece seniors for the unending happy birthday song.

to migen for the breaking dawn book.

to ron for the patago-tago letter in my bag.

to kuya tiany for the human red wallet.

to the 232 all in all wall posts on my facebook.

to everyone who greeted me.

to my mom, dad, and bro for everything.

to Lord Jesus for the last 19 years of existence and for the next years to come.


THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

BIRTHDAY (MATERIAL) WISHES

1. HUMAN red wallet. the biggest one with the zipper and stitches thingy. i saw it last dec 21 at their store in gmall. i hope it's still available now.

2. BELT. i saw one at human too. it's pink. i think i like it. that would be enough.

3. BREAKING DAWN. yes. i mean the last book of the twilight saga. i still haven't read it. i'm more than eager to own one. really, i want to read it. -_-

4. PIANO. that piano with the screen which i can see the chords thingy.

5. DSLR CAMERA. i prefer canon more than nikon.


the first three things are reachable. but the last two are unreachable as of now. i posted this to remind myself that somehow i still have to save money in order to buy at least one of these things. or if somebody would give it to me as a present, i'll surely jump for joy. i hope this wish comes true. :)

4 days to go! :)

SAD

gusto ko ito ang title ng post ko ngayon. para parang ironic masyado ang drama. sad ito. tapos ang kasunod na post is happy. oh ayan maganda. good combination.

oo. malungkot ako ngayon. last week ko pa talaga to nararamdaman. palagi ko lang dinedeny sa sarili ko. kasi wala naman akong dahilan para ma sad. yun ang palaging nilalagay ko sa utak ko. pero nung friday. ewan. tinamaan na talaga ako. hanggang kahapon. mas lalo na ngayon. kung hindi pa ako pumunta sa birthday dinner ni ron kahapon, siguro nga nabaliw na ako ngayon.

hindi ko talaga alam bakit ako malungkot. pero ewan. umiiyak na ako ngayon. bigla na lang tumulo ang mga luha ko. at alam kong totoo ito dahil kahit anong pilit kong gawin para pigilan sila, tumutulo pa rin. at malalaki pa talaga ang patak. yung halos matabunan na ang buong mata ko ng tubig, pinipigilan ko ngunit patuloy pa rin ito sa pagtulo. ayan. umiiyak na naman ako. umiiyak na talaga. pwede tama na?

birthday, integral at nangungulila --- yan sila tatlo ang mga dahilan kung bakit ako malungkot. bago ko lang napagtanto. palagi ko kasi itinatatwa pero ngayon pumasok na talaga sila sa isipan ko.

birthday - di ko alam ano gagawin ko. gusto ko maging memorable pero di ko alam paano. nahihiya naman akong manghingi sa parents ko ng pera. actually parang ayaw ko na maghanda o manlibre. para kasing di ako fully makakasaya dahil sa iniisip kong integral ngayon. oo sabihin niyo na baliw ako. pero yan lang talaga nararamdaman ko ngayon. sorry. pasensya na. gusto kong lumigaya. pero ewan paano. siguro naman maiintindihan ng mga kaibigan ko kung di muna ako maghahanda o manlilibre ngayon. sa susunod na lang. pag marami na talaga ako pera. gusto ko rin maghingi na lang ng piano as a gift. dslr sana pero mahal pa masyado. siguro piano pwede na? pero nahihiya pa rin ako. mahal pa rin siya. naiisip ko na ipambabayad na lang yun sa tuition ko. oh di ba? marami akong gustong mangyari. pero wala lang pera. kaya cancelled na lang muna lahat. alam ko pwede naman maging masaya kahit walang perang involved. di ko lang alam paano. somehow napagod na ako sa kaka-isip. kaya tinanggap ko na lang as of last week pa na magiging ordinaryo lang ang jan 19. magsisimba. makakatanggap ng mga mensahe. aside dun, im not expecting anything more.

integral - oh alam na. 68 ako. exam namin bukas. sana nga makaperfect ako. para mabawi ko na talaga ang 68. ayokong mabagsak. di dahil sa nakakahiya, di dahil baka sabihin nilang bobo ako, di dahil sa baka mapag iwanan ako, di dahil sa baka husgahan nila ako --- makakaya kong tanggapin lahat ito. pero ang dahilan na gagastos ulit ako pag akoy nabagsak, yun ang di ko kaya. yun ang ayaw ko. ayaw ko ng mahirapan ang mga magulang ko sa kakatrabaho at kaka-isip paano i-budget ang aming pera. nag aaral akong mabuti para pumasa talaga dahil gusto kong maka graduate sa ateneo de davao university sa kursong bachelor of science in electronics engineering. kung noon, nag dalawang isip ako sa arki, ngayon di na. sigurado na ako sa ece at masaya na ako dito. pinaglaban ko to na lilipat ako ng paaralan at magshishift ako. dahil nga ito ang gusto ko. kaya lang, medyo nahihirapan ako. sana lang. sana. sana nga. malampasan ko to. gusto kong pumasa! ayokong mabagsak! gusto kong grumaduate ng ece! gusto kong maging Engr. Dinelle Aubrey L. Amper, PECE.....

nangungulila - di ko lang alam kung "sino" ba or "ano". basta ang alam ko may kulang talaga sa akin ngayon. i feel so empty. oh tawagin niyo ng korni. pero totoo. di ko lang alam kung ano o sino ang kulang sa akin. tao ba o bagay. ewan. basta kulang ako ngayon. kulang na kulang.

PAANO KO BA MAGAGAWANG MEMORABLE ANG AKING KAARAWAN?

PAANO KO BA MAALIS ANG KABA SA AKING DIBDIB SA TUWING INTEGRAL NA ANG PAG-UUSAPAN?

PAANO KO BA MALALAMAN KUNG SINO O ANO ANG SA AKIN AY KULANG?

PAANO?

*umiiyak*

:'((

HAPPY

better late than never again...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY 2011!

hope it's gonna be a really a "happy" year

*especially for me* :)

MY 2010 SPEECH

"Even if we still want to stay, we have to go forward, let go, and move on. The clock will continue to tick even if we stop working."

I know this line sounds familiar to some of you. I uttered these words during our high school graduation. It may sound so cliche now, but really, I just grasped its fruitful meaning the day I stepped into college. 

You may wonder why. Yeah. WHY? I was the one who made that speech, so why put words if I don’t know the meaning? I also asked myself that question. Then I found out the answer to my question. I usually take for granted word meanings before. But now I know that every word, every single word we say or speak everyday, has its own deep meaning that can affect our lives forever.

That quote above is the philosophy I always bring wherever I go lately. It is the perfect explanation of our college life. It’s so fast! I sometimes can’t even race with its pace. We fail on a certain exam today; we start to study for a new topic tomorrow. I sometimes can’t even get it. We don’t even have the time anymore to grieve for a 57 percent exam. Haha! I know. We seldom see great friends now. Even our own classmates, we don’t get that much bonding time because of conflict of schedules. Well, that’s college. It’s fast. We have to race with its pace. We have to learn how to accept things immediately. And whatever happens, LIFE GOES ON.

Days from now, it will be another year --- a start of a new decade. So before the early 21^st century ends, let me thank the people whom have touched my life and gave me oh so much inspiration. Whether you like it or not, you will be all connected to me now, forever. >:)

TO ALL MY HIGH SCHOOL CHUMS --- MarJiDiChel, joinerz 04 and 07, T.R.I.P.O.D, LDR 789, the CONOANZ, CLiMsterz, gorettianz, OLPHianz, PEDROSITOHZ, MARKerz, --- name it all!!! Hahaha! Did I forget something? I hope I did not. But if I did, please accept my apologies. Well anyway, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I just can’t help it but laugh at myself because next next year, 2011, you will all graduate already. And me?! A big hahaha! I will still be in school then finishing my third year in ECE and will still be eating numbers. I know we all want to have a mega reunion. But I hope you can wait for me. Let me graduate first, please? Haha. Then we will definitely have that major Marco Polo conference room reunion or that Asian cruise trip as what Aya said. Hahaha! Thank you for always supporting me even though we are all miles away from each other due to our own responsibilities and priorities. Don’t worry. We’re gonna bond absolutely some time soon. (kinsa sunod mag birthday?! hahaha!) And oh, thanks to Shishi for helping me out in my Integral Calculus. I’m progressing na shi. Hihi. I hope I will finally find my range na jud.

TO MY ARKI PEEPS, I miss drawing. *sad* hahaha! Yeah really. I don’t know why but my hand is craving for B pencils and sketchpad lately. I was planning to sketch this Christmas break, but then I got too lazy so I think, next time, maybe this summer. I got my subject already so yeah, next time. I just hope I still know those techniques we learned in visual tech. hahaha! Thanks for always being there, never forgetting me even though I shifted and transferred already. (i know im being drama now. haha.) Thanks for the one of a kind friendship na kahit sa text, fb, ym, skype lang tayo minsan nag cocommunicate. Good luck in all your plates. Graduate na ako diyan. Haha! And when you graduate, imma let you design my house. Actually, I have my plans na. I’ll just let you improve it. I hope the service is for free. Hahaha!

TO MY ECE FRIENDS, thank you. *big grin* I prayed to God that He will give me the family that I will need in order to survive the remaining years in engineering. But instead, He gave me a FAMILY TREE that I never expected. From ECE 2 to ECE 3, 4, 5 as well as ECE 1!!! This year was a blast! Thank you for welcoming me into your family --- for accepting a new kulit member. Even though I’m new, you did not let me feel that I’m “others” and that I don’t have a space in your family circle. To our ate’s and kuya’s, thank you for taking care of us, your little siblings. I’m really looking forward for our next acquaintance party. I just hope we will not have any projects slash exam when that happens. Haha! Yeah! YOU SAY FAMILY? I SAY ECE! (plano ko ni sa tshrt nxtyr. hahaha) And to my fellow Integral Calculus takers, lezz take away all our worries and doubts. We still have midterm and prefi. WE CAN STILL MAKE MAJOR BAWI. We just have to work harder and believe WE CAN. Just have this as your mindset. If we pass this subject handled by Ma’am Ferraren, then it’s like winning the 700 million jackpot in lotto. :)))))))

TO RALPH, oh, I have the courage now to mention your name. Haha! Well I know you will not read this. I just want you to know that I am still your friend and I do consider you my friend too and I really want us to become friends and that I want to spend time with you again someday --- laugh until our lungs get out just like what usual friends do. Thanks Ralph. You know what that is for. :)))))))))))

TO JAKE, KEVIN JAKE, well what can I say? Uhm welcome to my speech thingy. Haha! I know this is weird but please just bear with it. Thank you for wormy-birdy and aubrey-jakey. Thank you for the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds that you spent with me. Thank you for texting me last june 19, 2010. Thank you for treating me to eclipse. Thank you for July 18, 19, 24, Aug 8, 13, 14, 19, 24, 27, Sept 5, 11, 13, 17, 25, 26, 27, and Oct 13 and 21. Though Dec 23 was not a so good day, I still believe in the power of friendship. (andito na naman si friendship. pabida lagi na siya? haha) Yeah. No joke. I will always be your aubrey and you will always be my jake. (bahala na kung naay mupalag. haha) What we had? No one and nothing can take it anymore. It’s like a data stored already in the memory card, a memory stored in our brains, an EVENT stored in our HISTORY. Thanks jake! I hope too we can spend some time again soon. I miss punching you and your gaya-gaya acts. Haha! Do you know how to read french? :))))))))))

TO MY FAMILY --- mommy, papa, arvin. *cries* Sorry if sometimes I can’t live up to your expectations. Sorry, sometimes I’m bad. Sorry, I should be in third year now. Sorry if I am currently struggling to pass my subjects. Haha. Yeah I know. You told me I can do this and this is engineering life and IF ever, IF, I fail, there is still summer for me to take it up again. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to disappoint you. I am really working hard to pass so that I could see all your happy faces again this March. Yeah! I will this. I will! I can! Thanks for your unending support and love and care and for just being there always. Don’t worry. Someday, you will be proud of me. One day, I will be, ENGR. AMPER. :)))))))))

TO GOD, THANK YOU OH SO MUCH!!! MY LIFE IS DEFINITELY THE BEST GIFT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME! EVER! I cannot imagine what it would be if I did not live in this world. Thank you very much! Memories. Experiences. Lessons. Belongingness. Relationships. These are just some life’s gifts to me. I would not have it if You, Yourself, did not give it to me. Thank you for always making a new bright day everyday for me (us). It just emphasizes more that everyday is really a new day. If I fail today, I can always have tomorrow to learn from my mistakes and make them all right. Thank You also for letting me meet such wonderful people this year. I hope next year would be fantastic too, an amazing start for the next decade. I know there will still be humps ahead, but as I always say, please, dahan-dahan lang po. :))))))))))))

Ay! Wait wait wait! TO TRIPOD! Hahahaha! I have observed that in 2010, we only had TWO bondings that we were complete --- my 18th birthday and dash's 18th birthday. Other than that, it was a jerk-dash bonding or a yabee-yabee bonding. It may sound so sad, but I understand. I know you both understand too. We are all now busy doing each our stuffs. So itchuki. As long as we know we love each other and we're here to support each other. Let us worry not. There are still 365 days coming ahead. I'm sure we can have at least 3 days to bond and beat our 2010 record. Hahahaha! I LOVE YOU DASH AND YABEE! THANK YOU AS ALWAYS! And oh yabee! Don’t think anymore that dash is mad at you or what. She’s not. WE ARE NOT. We love you and we understand. In fact we are already waiting for your graduation day, because REALLY, you will be the FIRST one to graduate among us three. (then sunod si dash at, oh na oh na, ako last. haha) :))))))))

So that’s it people. My annual speech ends here. Thank you for sticking up with me through the years and for the next years to come. Until the 2011 speech! Lezz make more and more and more memories together! YEAH! Spread the LOVE people! Everybody needs it everyday. :)))))))))

NO REGRETS.

JUST LESSONS LEARNED.

*smile*

A MILLIONAIRE'S FIRST LOVE

lately, i have been watching korean drama movies. this is my way of getting out the boredom of my christmas vacation. it's just 14 days. so i have to make the most out of it.

i had many things planned for this break. write, draw, watch movie, guitar, blog, etc. there's only one thing i haven't done yet. and it's drawing. i was planning to go back to sketching and draw a portrait of someone i think i owe something. but too bad, i got lazy again getting my pencils and sketchpad. so i just dropped that idea and concentrate more on writing and watching movies.

i have already watched a couple of korean movies for the past days and one thai movie also. and i do admit, i cried in all those films. until today, i watched this film entitled "a millionaire's first love", this movie made me cry the most among all the films i watched this break.

cry? what's with cry? i know it's just normal to cry when watching melodramatic movies. but today's cry was really to the boiling point. it's SOBBING. my tears were really continuously flowing from time to time --- that even though i wanted to stop it, i FORCED to stop it, it just flowed and flowed, rolled down my cheeks. i can't even breathe because the mucus are sticking inside my nose. hahahaha. :))))))))

but what made me really wonder is that, why did i cry so hard for a movie? i am not like this before. oh yeah i cry but just two or three tears. not like now, i cried two or three liters of tears. hahaha. then i realized, it's not the movie i was crying for. it's what had happened before.

okay. last dec. 23, jake (kevin) and i called it "quits". i texted him the day before and after 21 hours, he replied. he replied to me with a message stating that he's ending our "relationship" and that he's sorry and said goodbye. and as for me, i think i have expected it already, so i just agreed to what he said. yeah i think it's better for us to be not romantically linked anymore. i think, like what he said, yeah, we're better off friends. i didn't ask anymore why he had came up with a decision like that, what's the reason behind all the cold things and what was really his FEELINGS during our cold stage. okay call me a jerk. you can slap me on the face, but my being understanding ignited again. maybe because i expected already the outcome, maybe because i knew already what would happen, that's why i didn't ask anymore for any explanations. we were even exchanging jokes and laughing on that text session we had. i just don't know if he was REALLY happy slash laughing at that moment. i just don't know if I was REALLY happy slash laughing at that moment.

i think the movie "a millionaire's first love" was just my excuse to cry. it was just my excuse to sob for something i don't want to grieve for anymore. it was my excuse to go back to that day i want to forget. it was my excuse to say goodbye to all the things i had with jake. it was my excuse to instill in my mind that i will undergo another move on surgery in my life. it was a very good excuse. and i thank God for that excuse.

"THE HARDEST PART OF ENDING IS STARTING AGAIN."

-Linkin Park

LATE

i know it's late but as the saying goes, better late than never.

HAPPY CANDLE CAKES DAY JESUS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

SENTI SANDALI

just watched vampire diaries episode 11 this afternoon. then heard the song longest night by howie day. really good song. and it led me to where i am now --- writing this post about a certain person named kevin jake.

i told myself that i will talk to him when christmas break comes. but i changed my mind. why? i don't know where to start --- HOW to start. besides, i think he's not in the city. i remember he told me he was going to be out of town for the holidays. so no signal. i guess that's the sign. we are not meant to be. so no talk will happen this christmas break. that's what i think.

i just want to talk to him and settle things out. you know what i mean. he knows what i mean. i don't want this o not have a proper closure or whatever you call it. i don't want this to have a hanging ending like what most books and movies have.

IF IT'S A YES THEN LET'S GIVE IT ONE MORE SHOT.

IF IT'S A NO THEN SO BE IT.

life's like that. people come. people go.

DREAM

just this afternoon, i slept and had a dream that i got all failing marks in my integral calculus exams. for a little while, a very little while, just a short snap of a second, i felt happy because it was just a dream. then i realized, it was not a dream at all. i woke up seeing my test papers all blooded with a very low score. after that, i do not know what to do anymore.

i just want to cry but i won't anymore. i don't want to worsen my already worse colds.

i want to make bawi. i will make bawi. please no more hindrances.

*sad face*