I THOUGHT OF NOT MAKING THIS ANYMORE BUT THEN I CHANGED MY MIND (MY 2011 SPEECH))

it's 12:07 in the morning and it's the last day of the year. hours from now, it will be 2012 already. before the last tick of the clock for 2011 happens, let me share this i-hope-not-so-emo words to all of you. it's my way of saying thank you to everyone and everything who has given an impact  this 2011.

to sir marloue, yes sir, you are the first. you deserve to be. hehe. thank you for saving me. yeah. really. i know it's cliche already but i'll say it again. i almost gave up (again) and was about to make a shift course (AGAIN). yeah the plan was already there, take up creative writing or mathematics. but THANK GOD for you. thank you for making my (ece) dreams alive (still). thank you for the never ending support sir. and when i say support, i mean SUPPORT. you know already what are those. SUPERMAN, you should have that name. :)

to maam ferolin, thank you for changing. hahaha! yeah, thank you. you truly are a mother to us. can't believe we'd be this close to you and you'd be this close to us. you know, they say, you are one of the powerpuff girls. but guess what, we are mojo jojo! we are destined to be connected forever. why mojo jojo? because sometimes we are "pabadlongs". hehe. sorry for that maam. don't worry, we'll do our best not to ruin the "city" anymore so that the powerpuff girls will not get tired from saving the day. :)

to my ECE family, thank you for the guidance. for the help. for the schematic diagram. for the pcb layout. for the soldering etching thingy. in short, FOR EVERYTHING. yeah. thank you so much for the big power supply help up to the very last small resistor that's a part of it. hahaha. for simply just being there whenever we need help. we are really a family. i hope we would stay intact as a family. i hope we would become stronger as a family. ONE ECE, ONE FAMILY. :)

to the MIGHTY 13, yeeeeeeeeeeeeees. yeah. THANK YOU. college life has never been this fun. i admit. i kinda actually have this small pinch of i-don't-like-going-to-school when i entered college. i always have a hard time waking up. yeah i force myself. good thing the force is strong enough. hehe. but when we established ourselves as the THIRTEEN, THE MIGHTY ONES, wow. i can already sleep at 2am because of studying and wake up at 6am. see the change you have brought to me? THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING ME. now i do not worry anymore so much of what tomorrow school stuffs will bring us because i know, I HAVE 13 CRAZY PEOPLE WHO WILL BE WITH ME, JOURNEYING THROUGH. let's get closer guys. let's be more open to each other. LET US BE MIGHTIER. :)

to my high school friends who will graduate this 2012, oh how wish so much that i would be with you wearing a toga too. haha! but i guess this is just the way it goes. i congratulate you all. hats off! hands down! if only you know how proud i am. if only you know that i, most of the time, stop at the registrar's bulletin and look for your names on the graduates list and i can't help but smile. yeah. true. good luck on the last days of your education lives. good luck more on the start of your real lives. don't ever forget me. hehe. :)

and to my high school friends who kinda will not yet graduate this march 2012, THANK YOU FOR ACCOMPANYING ME! hahahahahahaha! maybe 2013 is your year. or maybe, we'll graduate together on 2014. so don't worry much. you still have me as your company. >:)

to my arki friends, oh you still have one year too. hahahahaha! i'll congratulate you on 2013. for now, keep up the good work. more power! hihihi. :)

to mommy, papa, arvin, THANK YOU. i've never been so happy like, uhm, i mean, i do not ask so much for you know, material things. though i would like to have new things. hahaha. i mean that's already normal, but then, i just pray for simplicity, happiness and contentment in our family. nothing can beat that. and of course, LOVE. thank you for filling our house, and all our lives with it. let's just CHILL, okay? :)

to GOD, oh THANK YOU. 2011 was full of tears yet i was able to smile and laugh and squeeze all the crazy stuffs i did just to forget even for a while the stresses that were trying to disturb me. THANK YOU for the strength, the courage, the knowledge, the wisdom and of course, the energy to wake up everyday and to the things i have to do. hmm. 2012 again! i need more of those. hehe. by next week, i will face again school and all its branches. help me do them. help me accomplish them. i hope when i'll open my sis account this march, i'll see 75 and above grades. :)

i'll end this speech with a line from the movie REMEMBER ME. yeah i know it stars robert pattinson and i presume some of you don't like him but nevermind. hehe. he's a very good actor and this movie has a very good story. amazing one! i recommend all of you to watch this. (endorse much? haha.) naaaaaaah. it's just that, i watched it a while ago on star movies and it very much inspired me. what a way to end my 2011. :)

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her (him, it) yours forever.

---Tyler Keats Hawkins 

TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

HOLD ON TO THIS LULLABY EVEN WHEN THE MUSIC'S GONE

BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ

HEY I THOUGHT YOU'D CALL ME BUT GUESS WE'RE JUST OUT OF COURAGE

paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!! ano ba! ewan ko ba! nung sabi mong tatawag ka, kinabahan ako pero mas nangibabaw yung pakiramdam na "SANA TATAWAG KA."

I PROMISED YOU TO MAKE ONE SO HERE IT GOES

this will be the start of long titled blog entries! bwahahaha! K. do i sound like an evil witch laughing? no right? hahahaha! so i'll stop with that thing already. i am no evil so i don't know how to laugh evilly. hehe.

this post is for a long lost friend slash classmate slash boyfie. CHOS! hahahaha! he's not my boyfriend or what. but i do consider him a special person in my life, a very special part of my high school life. without him, high school would not be that much fun i think. you know, something would be missing. most of all, third year prom would not be perfect if i haven't met him. (chos chos again! hahaha!)

we had a series of text sessions last month, november, yeah. until december actually. but it just stopped recently. i became busy studying for my exams. i think he got busy too in his exams and duties. :) during those text thingy sessions, he mentioned about blogs, and he asked me if i do blogging, and that if i could blog about him. WOAH. hahahaha! i was shocked but then i just laughed bout it. i said sure but i'll do it on december since i had so much school stuffs to do back then. and now it's december, so here's my promise, PAK. :)

PAK, as what we call each other (it's a shorter form of PAKNER. it rooted from the word PARTNER. i just don't know where the term PAK came from. can't remember i think. haha!), was my classmate in 3rd year high school. YES i admit i had a crush on him then. why? because he's chinito! hahahaha! you know me. i melt whenever there is a chinito boy in front of me. haha! yeah yeah. we became groupmates and the rest was history. chos! hahahaha! naaaaah. there are these things (with him, about him) that made a mark in me that i can't forget. never. ever.

he was the first boy that i had the courage to ask if he could be my prom partner. 

he was the first boy that i held his hand, his right hand specifically in public.

he was the first boy that i spent whole night and dawn just texting. the reason of my late night sleeps.

he was the first boy that i had this NICKNAME CALLING thingy. we first called each other, TITO and TITA before PAKNER and PAK came.

he was the first boy that i kissed on the cheek.

he was the first boy that i felt i was loved back and i think i loved him too. i think? yeah. ey no. i really loved him. really? did i? hahahaha! i don't know. i'm not sure. all i know is that i enjoy everything with him, because of him, and about him. i was happy doing things knowing that i have a TITO, a PAKNER on the sidelines supporting me.

but those were all in the past. i mean, we were like 14 or 15 years old back then. so young. everything changes. but you know, these things will forever live in me. they belong to those that i will treasure and cherish forever.

PAK! oh ha! as i promised! i made a blog about you. sorry it's too emote emote. hahaha! well you can ignore the emote things. i bet you don't remember those that i mentioned above anymore. hahaha! it's okay. what matters most is that, we remain pakners until now. and we will remain pakners forever! hahahahahaha!

PS

i still have the winnie the pooh stuff toy you gave me last 3rd year christmas party. i hung it on my bedroom wall so that i can see it everyday. :)

COMMENTS!

want to hear comments/suggestions/reactions from you! all of you! drop some shoutouts!

LET'S TALK! :)

YUNG FEELING NA (THAT FEELING WHEN)

yung feeling na gusto mong ma in love ulit.
that feeling when you want to fall in love again.

ang saya kasi eh.
it's so happy.

nakaka-inspire!
it inspires you!

but yeah, whatever happens, happens.
pero, kung ano man ang mangyayari, mangyayari.

i'll let destiny decide.
bahala na ang tadhana.

*smile*

SEPTEMBER

this is one tough month for me. so many things are happening. most of them are problems, worries. though they say that you won't have problems if you don't worry them but i can't help it. this is really one tough month for me.

until now, we are still not yet done with our power supply project. oh yes the schematic is there but the transistors, it's nowhere to be found. or if there is available, it's not available here in the philippines. i don't know. honestly, i am tired of probleming it already. so it's like what's on my mind now is, whatever happens, happens. but i still find ways though. i really am. it's just that i can't help but worry that we only have 3 weeks left before the deadline. :'(

you know what, mom asked me just moments ago, "are you still happy with your course? because if not, you can still shift. you still have a long future. you are still young. you can still do many things. you can take psychology if you want. then you can be a teacher, or a doctor, or a human resource personnel."

everytime mom tells me these kind of statements, i can't help but form tears on my eyes. i don't know. maybe i'm just sad because i can't make my mom proud. you know, i already shifted course. i don't want to fail her again. i don't know. i really don't know. my mind is very pre occupied nowadays.

plus plus plus. oh my, i am failing in my circuits and electronics subjects. plus i still have a vector to cope with. am i gonna die? i do not know again.

actually i have one very big thought in my mind right now. but it's getting late and if i start to write about it, i think i will sleep past 3 am already. hahaha! but i can't do that now. i need to rest to recharge my body for another tiring, very tiring, very very tiring and exhausting week coming up. i'll write bout it some time soon. i will really write bout it. i will not let the time pass without unleashing my thoughts bout it. it's a life lesson. for me. for you. for him. for us. for them. for everyone.

Lord, take me to where You want me to be. Lead me to the path where You think I should belong.

i love you mom.

i love you pa.

i love you bin.

YIELD POINT

gikapoy na ko.
pagod na ako.
i am tired already.

HEY (SO YEAH)

hey. i saw you today. you're still, uhm, handsome. we were about to cross paths. i planned to say hi. but you detoured. so yeah. i guess that's the punctuation mark. i wish you were there with me though. i wish we had the chance to talk. but yeah, yeah.


what happened this day? it is IT. the thing that i can finally say, no more you, no more thought about you, no more fantasies about you, no more dreams about you, no more expectations about you. NO MORE YOU.


we're done. forever done. what happened between you and me is now just a mere memory.


so yeah. i'm single as of the moment. single in mind and heart. no attachments. no commitments. no any something. looking forward? i do not know. just letting things happen the way they want to happen.


LET IT BE.


goodbye LOVES of my life. goodbye. it was nice creating good memories with you.

HEY.

do you want some daily conversations? advices perhaps? or just, if you feel like talking to someone but you don't have anyone to talk with? just comment here. i'll try to answer your questions and read your stories as much as i can. :)

07/29/2010

Hi Dinelle/Dinz/Wormy,

This is the first time I write you a letter and maybe it would also be the last depending on your decision. I usually write a letter when it comes to a situation like this. Usually when it comes to talking in person, I always say "Okay lang uyy..." then smile but deep inside myself I'm really not ok. Kapoy na mag english. Haha.. Basta hindi ko kaya sabihin in person kung ano talaga nararamdaman ko kaya dinadaan ko na lang sa pagsulat.

Pangit akong handwriting noh? Haha. pasensya na rin kung sa yellow paper ko lang gilagay, ngayon ko lang kasi naisipan na sulatan kita ng letter kasi gusto ko sabihin lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sayo. Okay let's start.

Hmmmm... Kamusta ka naman? Sad ka pa rin ba? Anu ba pwede kong gawin para mapasaya kita? Gagawin ko talaga ang lahat pata mapasaya lamang kita. Ayaw ko kasi makita ka na malungkot eh. Tsk3x. Smile ka naman jan. =p Hahaha..

Anyways, about nung Wednesday, alam mo naman ata kung ano talaga nararamdaman ko eh. Sa totoo lang nasaktan talaga ako eh, ito siguro reason kung bakit mahirapan ako maghinga nung Wed. But I ask myself, bakit ba ako masaktan? May karapatan ba ako sayo? I'm really sorry kung selfish ako. Wala naman akong rights eh, hindi naman kita girlfriend kaya wala akong karapatan.

I know someday you will really choose between the two of us. I'm a man of my words, I won't give up on you, I will still wait for you and definitely I will fight for you. But if you choose "Him", then I will step aside, I will let you go if that will really make you very happy. I'm still waiting for your decision. Kaya siguro ang lalim ng ginaisip mo ngayon maybe because you are choosing between both of us.

I really don't know what to do right now. Tsk3x. Siguro nalabas ko na lahat ng saloobin ko. Hintayin ko na lang kung ano magin decision mo. I will take the risk/s kung ano man maging decision mo. I'm really sorry wormy and thank you for everything.

Kevin Jake

*INSERT TITLE HERE*

it has been a/an *insert adjective here* third week of school.

wanna know what happened?

• vector analysis assignment
• material science quiz
• electronics quiz
• differential equations exam

plus the forever first sem 8 to 8 class schedule. maybe you will all say that the above mentioned things are just "easy". but it's not. what they said was really true. third year is very stress. very bombarded with all the major major subjects. aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! do you know that feeling when you just want to scream and shout out so loud all the stress that you have in your body and brain!? the heavy feelings you have inside?! that is what i want to do now. problem is, i don't have my voice back yet. still suffering from sore throat.

and for the tshirt design, i wanna say sorry if the statement turned out to be "hilas". we never intended it to be like that. when we thought about doing it, we were just thinking of fun and enjoyment. you know. we just give it a shot to pass that design. you know, as they say, there is no harm in trying. and that, opportunity comes once so grab it when it comes to you. yeah. we just wanted to join the tshirt design contest. if our design wins, it's a celebration. if not, then it's okay. we'll join again next year. the contest has just a very simple rule. if you like the design, vote for it. if not, vote another one. we did not have any control anymore of the voters. lastly, if they wanna change it, wanna have new designs, it's okay with us. what's important is the shirt that wins is the one that everybody loves to wear anytime anywhere. i hope that clears our side. let's not make divisions. let's be one. after all, CEA is a family. we should be. :)

in two days, another *insert adjective here* week will start. yeah yeah.

A BLOG POST TO GOD 4

Dear God,

Sorry if we can't go again to mass this week. Three Sundays I think already that we weren't able to go to church. But I know You are there listening to us. As much as I can, I speak to you in any time, in any place. Even though I am alone speaking to You, I think that could be considered already a church, OUR CHURCH together. We are having a conversation one on one. :)

Thank You God for the love. I feel so much love from You, from my mom, my dad, my brother, and nothing can simply ever replace it. Nothing can beat it.

Thank You for guiding me for the past 8 days of school. Thank You for being with me all the time, in every classroom I go into, in every lesson I hear, in every teacher I meet, in every classmate I talk to, in every assignment I do, in every meeting or commitment I go. Third year is not easy. It is not a joke. We are so bombarded with major subjects plus our schedule is not so friendly too. But still I survive each day. And I cannot do it without You. Thank You so much. :)

God, You know what I feel right now. Everyday I am fighting the temptation of my bed because I know I have to study or scan my notes first. Everyday I am urging myself to wake up immediately so that I won't be late. Everyday I am orienting myself to keep calm and not panic over the requirements that our teachers give us. Everyday, I am balancing my schedule because I still can't catch up with the 30 minutes lunch, activity period breaks, and 8pm dismissal time. Sometimes, I wanna give up already. I admit that. But whenever I see my laptop's wallpaper, whenever I see my phone's wallpaper, I am reminded that I should continue what I am doing. Don't give up. Fight the negative energies. Never think of having a detour again. Make the pathway straight. Little by little, slowly, one step at a time, I know I can finish this. I WILL FINISH THIS.

Help me God. Give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom, the knowledge, the energy I need to continue my journey and surpass all the humps I'll take ahead. I know this is just part of the training for me to become a MORE better person.

Thank You God. I think this is life at its best. Simplicity. Nothing beats the pleasure and comfort of sleeping at night without any worries at all. Calm. Peace of mind. Happiness.

I LOVE YOU! Amen. :')))))