NOT AGAIN?! :(

if you wanna make up for your mistakes, THEN DO IT AND BE SINCERE. not just stay there, stand or sit on the corner.


eh parang wala naman eh. parang wala pa rin. ano wala lang? wala walaan na lang?


ewan ko sa'yo. ewan.


kainis ka.


undangi oy.

IT WILL ALL GET BETTER ALL WE NEED IS TIME

i have hurt someone special in my life.
he doesn't deserve this i know.
but as much as i've tried to steer the wheel away from him,
still i hit him.

i just want him to know how much i miss him.
that everday i am tempted to contact him.
how i wish we could keep in touch again.
but yeah, time's not the same anymore.

sorry again.
i know i've said this many times already.
i know it's kinda cliche,
but i hope you accept it real soon.

how i wish we could talk again.
do things the way we used to.
but yeah, you need time - we need time.
i just hope you will not see me in a different way.

for you.

PINIPILIT KONG KAYANIN. I AM. TRYING TO.

magtatagalog ako ngayon. o baka taglish na lang. bahala na.

i want to cry. i feel like crying. i am on this time of my life where i feel the uncertainties crushing me --- they are drowning me.

to my mom and dad.

oo pinili kong mag ece. pero kasi kung pinili ko ang ibang kurso labas sa pagiging inhinyero o arkitekto, papayagan ba nila ako? naaalala ko pa noon, nabanggit kong gusto kong mag business administration. plano ko kasi mag MBA pagkatapos. pero ayaw nila. wala raw kasi kaming business. alam niyo bang pagiging CEO ng isang kompanya talaga ang ambisyon ko dati? pero binalewala ko na lang. tapos nalaman ko noong 4th year high school ako na may kursong multimedia arts. GUSTO KO YUN. gustong gusto ko yun. drawing, photography, art, anything bout expressing yourself. pero nalaman ko ding sa college of st. benilde lang pala siya offered. la salle. manila. eh di ko maiwasan eh. i mean, alam kong wala naman kaming ganoon kalaking halagang pera para mapag-aral nila ako sa CSB. naaalala ko talaga yung mga araw na nagcocompute si mommy ng gastusin para sa pag-aaral ko sa kolehiyo. natanggap din kasi ako sa up. oo iskolar ka ng bayan. pero papatayin ka naman sa gastos ng renta sa dormitoryo/bahay, allowance, projects, at kung ano ano pa. naalala ko talaga yun. may tatlong choices pinakita sa akin si mommy. up, addu, um. eh sa tatlo, malaki talaga ang matitipid sa um. kaya yun na lang pinili ko. kahit gusto kong mag addu noon, pinili ko ng mag um kasi ayaw ko na ng away o ano pa mang diskusyon. oo nag-aral ako dun. architecture. pero di ko rin nagustuhan. nafrufrustrate ako everytime i draw. it's like pinipilit ko ang hindi naman lumalabas sa aking mga kamay. kaya naisipan kong mag shift. masaya ako dahil sinuportahan niyo ako dun. pero di naman ako masaya dahil ang daming diskusyon na naman sa kung ano ang pipiliin kong kurso. i had 4 options then. pharmacy, psychology, computer engineering and chemical engineering. i remember again, when i told papa that i want to enroll in pharmacy somehow, he told me "wag yan." oh basta ganun. wag daw medical courses. ewan ko. basta yun. so binalewala ko na lang rin ang psychology. pharmacy nga ayaw, psychology pa kaya? ewan. ayun. eh di pumunta na ako sa engineering courses. nakita ko namang masaya si papa, kaya dun na lang din ako. ayaw din ata niya sa chemical engineering eh so sa computer engineering na lang ako pumunta. sinabi niya na kung mag cocomputer engineering ako, mag ece na lang daw ako. pumayag lang din ako. ewan ko rin sa sarili ko. di ako marunong makipaglaban. i don't know how to fight for what i really want. yun bagang kung saan sila masaya, dun na lang din ako kasi ayaw ko na ng mga diskusyon. kasi sa tuwing may mga diskusyong nangyayari, NAIIYAK AKO. di ko talaga yan mapigilan. tapos baka pagalitan lang nila ako pag umiyak ako. ewan. basta napaparanoid ako. natotrauma ako. duwag kasi ako. sobrang duwag.

pero me, pa. di ako nagrereklamo or what. pinapalabas ko lang ang nararamdaman ko. ang sakit sakit na kasi eh. di ko na kaya pang itago. pa, me, sa 4 na taon ko sa kolehiyo, napagtanto kong gusto kong magsulat. magsulat ng mga nobela, kwento, istorya. gusto kong maka-inspire ng mga tao sa pamamagitan ng aking mga salita. pero alam ko kasi, late na masyado. if i shift again today, sigurado akong magtatagpo na yang mga kilay niyo. so i thought, i'll just finish this ece. para naman mapasaya ko kayo. maging proud kayo sa akin. at siguro, pagkatapos kong mag ece, dun na ako magsusulat. mag-aral magsulat og magsusulat na talaga, di ko alam. basta yan muna ang plano ko sa ngayon.

me, pa, sorry. i really didn't mean to disappoint you. sorry kung nababad mood ako dahil sa studies ko. i know di ko dapat dinadala ang galit ko or what sa paaralan dito sa bahay. pero di ko lang talaga mapigilan minsan. sorry me. sorry pa. pipilitin kong maging matapang. para sa inyo lahat ito. i will really push myself to the limits because i want you to see me receiving my diploma this 2014. i really hope so.


to my teacher. to all my teachers. to all the teachers out there reading this.

i think it would be better if you lift your students, not degrade them further. you'll never know the future. you might need their help one day. you know, give and take. you help them today, they help you tomorrow.

when a student asks you, answer him/her properly. the reason why students ask is because they want to learn. it's just like your son/daughter asking you questions about little things they observe everyday.

as a continuation to the paragraph above, i think it would be better to treat your students as your sons/daughters. it helps much more. you became a teacher for a purpose. and one of that purpose is to share what you have, what you know. help the dreams of your students become a reality.

school is the second home of students. teachers are the second parents of the students.

give proper information. misunderstanding causes failure too.

teach them carefully. don't just give them a book to read. not all students understand the book. most understand better if someone will explain it to them.

be transparent enough in your grade calculations. don't ever let your personal stuffs affect your students grade.

most of all, love what you do. love your students. i hope there will come a time that you don't just teach for the money --- but you teach for the "passion". i hope there will come a time that you teach because to want to be one of the reasons why your student succeeded.

i don't know. these are just opinions coming from a student. but i hope these will help you become better, if not the best, teachers.

and yes, i plan to become a teacher when i finish ece.


*tears*

AMAZED BY BLOGGER'S NEW LAYOUT! CLAP CLAP!

i just would like to say clap clap clap to blogger for this very great idea! i love how they thought of merging blogger and google plus. at least now i won't have to think so much of my blogger account because one edit for google plus means one edit for blogger too. YEAH! plus the new layout, oooooh yeah. i love it! it may be simple to some of you but to me, it's uh-mey-zing! my happiness is just shallow. so yeah, i'm happy to see a new look for blogger. :)

so wasup!? well, it's summer now here in the philippines. summer means no school. but technically, i am still not on "summer". why? cause we still have a pending project. it's done already but it's just that our teacher did not (or does not like) check it yet. so yeah, it's still here in our house. waiting. i hope, i really hope it will be checked already this tuesday. well anyways, (i don't want to think so much about it. it stresses me somehow) i am finishing reading the hunger games and planning to buy catching fire and eventually, buy mockingjay. but yeah, i'm still finding other books to read. yung tipong kikiligin ako at matatauhan ako at the same time. okay. if you don't understand that, just use the help of google translate. haha! so yeah, still finding a very good book with that story.

i think imma finish this post now. sorry if it's hanging. it's a good thing though. you'll have something to look forward to. you'll keep craving for more. >:)

HOHOHO. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE FIRST TULIPS OF MY LIFE.

jessi xx : woah! it's my first time to receive tulips! it has always been roses or the likes.

kyle xy: it's my first time to give flowers too. :)

belated happy valentine's day! :)

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHEN TO STOP?

because i think, that word (stop) will be the talk of my brain cells these coming days.

FOR DINO ARVIN, MY BROTHER WHOM I LOVE SO MUCH

I THOUGHT OF NOT MAKING THIS ANYMORE BUT THEN I CHANGED MY MIND (MY 2011 SPEECH))

it's 12:07 in the morning and it's the last day of the year. hours from now, it will be 2012 already. before the last tick of the clock for 2011 happens, let me share this i-hope-not-so-emo words to all of you. it's my way of saying thank you to everyone and everything who has given an impact  this 2011.

to sir marloue, yes sir, you are the first. you deserve to be. hehe. thank you for saving me. yeah. really. i know it's cliche already but i'll say it again. i almost gave up (again) and was about to make a shift course (AGAIN). yeah the plan was already there, take up creative writing or mathematics. but THANK GOD for you. thank you for making my (ece) dreams alive (still). thank you for the never ending support sir. and when i say support, i mean SUPPORT. you know already what are those. SUPERMAN, you should have that name. :)

to maam ferolin, thank you for changing. hahaha! yeah, thank you. you truly are a mother to us. can't believe we'd be this close to you and you'd be this close to us. you know, they say, you are one of the powerpuff girls. but guess what, we are mojo jojo! we are destined to be connected forever. why mojo jojo? because sometimes we are "pabadlongs". hehe. sorry for that maam. don't worry, we'll do our best not to ruin the "city" anymore so that the powerpuff girls will not get tired from saving the day. :)

to my ECE family, thank you for the guidance. for the help. for the schematic diagram. for the pcb layout. for the soldering etching thingy. in short, FOR EVERYTHING. yeah. thank you so much for the big power supply help up to the very last small resistor that's a part of it. hahaha. for simply just being there whenever we need help. we are really a family. i hope we would stay intact as a family. i hope we would become stronger as a family. ONE ECE, ONE FAMILY. :)

to the MIGHTY 13, yeeeeeeeeeeeeees. yeah. THANK YOU. college life has never been this fun. i admit. i kinda actually have this small pinch of i-don't-like-going-to-school when i entered college. i always have a hard time waking up. yeah i force myself. good thing the force is strong enough. hehe. but when we established ourselves as the THIRTEEN, THE MIGHTY ONES, wow. i can already sleep at 2am because of studying and wake up at 6am. see the change you have brought to me? THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING ME. now i do not worry anymore so much of what tomorrow school stuffs will bring us because i know, I HAVE 13 CRAZY PEOPLE WHO WILL BE WITH ME, JOURNEYING THROUGH. let's get closer guys. let's be more open to each other. LET US BE MIGHTIER. :)

to my high school friends who will graduate this 2012, oh how wish so much that i would be with you wearing a toga too. haha! but i guess this is just the way it goes. i congratulate you all. hats off! hands down! if only you know how proud i am. if only you know that i, most of the time, stop at the registrar's bulletin and look for your names on the graduates list and i can't help but smile. yeah. true. good luck on the last days of your education lives. good luck more on the start of your real lives. don't ever forget me. hehe. :)

and to my high school friends who kinda will not yet graduate this march 2012, THANK YOU FOR ACCOMPANYING ME! hahahahahahaha! maybe 2013 is your year. or maybe, we'll graduate together on 2014. so don't worry much. you still have me as your company. >:)

to my arki friends, oh you still have one year too. hahahahaha! i'll congratulate you on 2013. for now, keep up the good work. more power! hihihi. :)

to mommy, papa, arvin, THANK YOU. i've never been so happy like, uhm, i mean, i do not ask so much for you know, material things. though i would like to have new things. hahaha. i mean that's already normal, but then, i just pray for simplicity, happiness and contentment in our family. nothing can beat that. and of course, LOVE. thank you for filling our house, and all our lives with it. let's just CHILL, okay? :)

to GOD, oh THANK YOU. 2011 was full of tears yet i was able to smile and laugh and squeeze all the crazy stuffs i did just to forget even for a while the stresses that were trying to disturb me. THANK YOU for the strength, the courage, the knowledge, the wisdom and of course, the energy to wake up everyday and to the things i have to do. hmm. 2012 again! i need more of those. hehe. by next week, i will face again school and all its branches. help me do them. help me accomplish them. i hope when i'll open my sis account this march, i'll see 75 and above grades. :)

i'll end this speech with a line from the movie REMEMBER ME. yeah i know it stars robert pattinson and i presume some of you don't like him but nevermind. hehe. he's a very good actor and this movie has a very good story. amazing one! i recommend all of you to watch this. (endorse much? haha.) naaaaaaah. it's just that, i watched it a while ago on star movies and it very much inspired me. what a way to end my 2011. :)

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her (him, it) yours forever.

---Tyler Keats Hawkins 

TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

HOLD ON TO THIS LULLABY EVEN WHEN THE MUSIC'S GONE

BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ BZZZ

HEY I THOUGHT YOU'D CALL ME BUT GUESS WE'RE JUST OUT OF COURAGE

paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!! ano ba! ewan ko ba! nung sabi mong tatawag ka, kinabahan ako pero mas nangibabaw yung pakiramdam na "SANA TATAWAG KA."

I PROMISED YOU TO MAKE ONE SO HERE IT GOES

this will be the start of long titled blog entries! bwahahaha! K. do i sound like an evil witch laughing? no right? hahahaha! so i'll stop with that thing already. i am no evil so i don't know how to laugh evilly. hehe.

this post is for a long lost friend slash classmate slash boyfie. CHOS! hahahaha! he's not my boyfriend or what. but i do consider him a special person in my life, a very special part of my high school life. without him, high school would not be that much fun i think. you know, something would be missing. most of all, third year prom would not be perfect if i haven't met him. (chos chos again! hahaha!)

we had a series of text sessions last month, november, yeah. until december actually. but it just stopped recently. i became busy studying for my exams. i think he got busy too in his exams and duties. :) during those text thingy sessions, he mentioned about blogs, and he asked me if i do blogging, and that if i could blog about him. WOAH. hahahaha! i was shocked but then i just laughed bout it. i said sure but i'll do it on december since i had so much school stuffs to do back then. and now it's december, so here's my promise, PAK. :)

PAK, as what we call each other (it's a shorter form of PAKNER. it rooted from the word PARTNER. i just don't know where the term PAK came from. can't remember i think. haha!), was my classmate in 3rd year high school. YES i admit i had a crush on him then. why? because he's chinito! hahahaha! you know me. i melt whenever there is a chinito boy in front of me. haha! yeah yeah. we became groupmates and the rest was history. chos! hahahaha! naaaaah. there are these things (with him, about him) that made a mark in me that i can't forget. never. ever.

he was the first boy that i had the courage to ask if he could be my prom partner. 

he was the first boy that i held his hand, his right hand specifically in public.

he was the first boy that i spent whole night and dawn just texting. the reason of my late night sleeps.

he was the first boy that i had this NICKNAME CALLING thingy. we first called each other, TITO and TITA before PAKNER and PAK came.

he was the first boy that i kissed on the cheek.

he was the first boy that i felt i was loved back and i think i loved him too. i think? yeah. ey no. i really loved him. really? did i? hahahaha! i don't know. i'm not sure. all i know is that i enjoy everything with him, because of him, and about him. i was happy doing things knowing that i have a TITO, a PAKNER on the sidelines supporting me.

but those were all in the past. i mean, we were like 14 or 15 years old back then. so young. everything changes. but you know, these things will forever live in me. they belong to those that i will treasure and cherish forever.

PAK! oh ha! as i promised! i made a blog about you. sorry it's too emote emote. hahaha! well you can ignore the emote things. i bet you don't remember those that i mentioned above anymore. hahaha! it's okay. what matters most is that, we remain pakners until now. and we will remain pakners forever! hahahahahaha!

PS

i still have the winnie the pooh stuff toy you gave me last 3rd year christmas party. i hung it on my bedroom wall so that i can see it everyday. :)

COMMENTS!

want to hear comments/suggestions/reactions from you! all of you! drop some shoutouts!

LET'S TALK! :)

YUNG FEELING NA (THAT FEELING WHEN)

yung feeling na gusto mong ma in love ulit.
that feeling when you want to fall in love again.

ang saya kasi eh.
it's so happy.

nakaka-inspire!
it inspires you!

but yeah, whatever happens, happens.
pero, kung ano man ang mangyayari, mangyayari.

i'll let destiny decide.
bahala na ang tadhana.

*smile*