ISKOLAR

the title is the filipino translation of the english word, scholar. and i think you know already what that word means.

all my life i have been a scholar since the day i started learning how to hold a pencil and write my name on a piece of paper. not until i transfered school and studied in ateneo, that was the time i got no hold of any scholarships anymore. i know, i worked hard during my high school days for me to have a good record because i really planned to apply for any scholarship. but the thing was that, i wanted to study architecture back then. and i really want to study in ateneo. but they have no scholarship grants for nursing and architecture students. i don't know why. but it's their policy so let's respect it. when i graduated, i received 3 scholarship grants from 3 different schools namely davao doctor's college, siliman university in dumaguete, and university of mindanao. i even passed the university of the philippines college admission test which makes me eligible to enroll in that prestigious school. BUT... davao doctor's college only offer medical courses. siliman university has no architecture program and it's in dumaguete --- in the island of visayas! far away from davao. university of the philippines is also far away from the city proper. that means i have to spend added fare or spend money for a dormitory. in that case, i thought to myself that it's like paying tuition fees again. i tried to apply for other institutions that grants scholarship like SM but they offered no architecture. so i was left with my only option, grab university of mindanao's scholarship offer.

yeah. basically i studied there. dad was even sort of happy because it's his alma mater. to my surprise, i got a full scholar even though i should just get 50 or 75 percent. i don't know how they made the calculations. i just followed the rules. but i think this is like. people change. people's minds change. i can't take it architecture anymore because i realized, i'm a slow drafter. i'm a moody designer. i can't draw under pressure. i mean i can, but my designs will go abstract. you know what i mean when i say abstract. yeah. that was it. so i told my mom that i wanted to shift. it was a long battle. a very long one. dad was not so in favor of it at first but thank God he agreed later on. i told him i want to study engineering and i want to study in ateneo. LONG BATTLE as i said. blah blah blah. i don't want to put it in details anymore. i think you have had enough of it already.

uhm yeah. to make the story short, i don't know now. my dad is working abroad but their company is in danger of laying off workers again. i don't want him to lose his job. i don't want to stop going to school.

i know i should not say this but let me say this. it's bad to hide feelings right?

if only i had chosen engineering in the first place, i still would have been a scholar until now...