THE KID WHO BROUGHT ME A THOUSAND PIECES OF EAR TO EAR SMILE

The title seems odd right? Awkward? Like it doesn't have coherence? Haha! Well just leave it like that. I did it on purpose anyway. It's still understandable though. :)

After more than 5 months of no buzz here, it's just so timely that I make this post. This is for the kid who brought me a thousand pieces of ear to ear smile. :)

All my college life, I am like the vampire Elena Gilbert when Jeremy died (The Vampire Diaries) --- I turned off my humanity. Uhm no, not really. But yeah, sort of like that. College has CHANGED me so big that I set aside my old self and created a new one. I am still me less sentimental, sweet, thoughtful, and stuff.

To the defense of the old me, the "old me" is still alive BUT to just some chosen people. Mostly, my high school friends because they know me as the "old me". There are some arki and ECE friends who I treat with the "old me" but I can just count them with my 10 fingers and 10 toe fingers. So yeah, generally, the "new me" is what they (the people I met after graduating high school) know about me.

I lived my college life as it is, very fast pace. That teacher from the movie Three Idiots was right somehow when he said that life is a race. I lived my college life like that. I didn't have time to be celebrate happiness whenever I feel so much happy or mourn over things which I failed. It was always MOVE ON IMMEDIATELY because if you won't, you'll get left behind on the so called college race.

I have lived with this principle for 5 years and a half. And I was planning to just live with it, live by it until I finished college or up to even I go to work. Not until somebody SHAKED my plans.

The kid. I call her Niknik. She's a total stranger to me. I don't know her. She doesn't know me. Really, we are total strangers. I only knew her because of basketball. But that's just it. I don't even have any care at her at first. Well she's good at playing basketball. In fact superb, excellent. But that's it. It's like my relationship to her was just purely basketball. No more, no less.

Until one day, Nads, my ECE classmate slash basketball teammate told me that Niknik needs our help and wants to have a tutor session. I don't know what's with the word tutor that I always say yes to the call. Maybe because of my promise to myself that I will help anyone with regards to studies as much as I can. Uhm, a teacher in the making I can say.

So I did. But up to the very last minute, I don't even have her number. It was just Nads who serves as our messenger. See? I don't care. In Filipino, wala talaga akong pake-alam. It was Niknik who even contacted me first because really, I was late that time. Haha. I even let her wait for a couple of minutes because I was rushing stuffs for our thesis with Meg, my thesis partner. Good thing she was patient enough to wait for me. Haha. Sorry Niknik. :)

We had the tutor session. Algebra and Trigonometry. Nads class was cancelled that afternoon so she joined us. Niknik had two instant teachers. So yeah. Then I mentioned to Nads, to them maybe, that my right knee hurts because of that last basketball practice. Niknik told me that I just have to ice it and stuff. Since I really don't have any idea what to do with injuries, and since she's a pro basketball player I can say, I followed her. Niknik had to leave early that time because her mother told her so. I went to church. Just a normal Saturday. Then I texted Niknik again that night just to ask about what to do with my knee. Then I think that was the start of everything. If our story would be featured in MMK, the title would be TUHOD. Or TUTOR would be a candidate too.

So what about Niknik? Why such a fuzz about her? Hmm. Let's just say, SHE CHANGED ME. Why? How?

• She is cuteness overload. Just one look at her and your heart will melt. It's like you will have no reason ever to get mad at her. No wonder she has many friends and lovers. Haha.
• Speaking of friends, YES SHE HAS MANY! Anywhere we go! She knows someone! I am not like that! I mean, I have friends, but I am not as friendly as her. I am really amazed by her congeniality.
• She is a very loving daughter. She is an ulirang anak. SHE WAKES UP AT 4AM EVERYDAY TO CLEAN THEIR HOUSE OR WASH CLOTHES AND COOK BREAKFAST FOR HER MOM! LIKE WHUUUUT! I don't do that! It's the other way around in my world. My mom does everything. But Niknik, aaaaahhhhhh!!! She really is abnormal. :)
• She is also a loving granddaughter. She takes care of her grandmother. And me? Oh don't ask anymore.
• She is sweet. She is thoughtful. She reminds me of the "old me", willing to do everything just to make her friends happy.
• She is lambing. She is makulit. She is a very bright light in a very dark vacuum space.

At pwede na ba akong mag tagalog simula rito? Naubos na Ingles ko eh. Haha! No. I'll just make this TagLish instead.

Wala lang. Iba lang talaga si Niknik. Hindi naman kami close noon pero anong ginawa niya sa akin? Kinatok niya ang buhay ko. Inalog niya ang mundo ko. Ginising niya ako mula sa bangungot na nakasanayan ko ng pamuhayan.

Marami siyang ginawa. Marami siyang ginagawa.

• Kinamusta niya tuhod ko kahit DI NAMAN KAMI CLOSE (noon). Nasa isip ko pa noon, ano ba itong batang ito. Bored ba siya sa buhay niya? Haha.
• Dinalhan niya akong ng something foam thingy para di sumakit tuhod ko nung naglaro kami nung EA sportsfest. Siya pa talaga ang naglagay.
• AAAAHHHHH!!! ANG VIVA MINERAL WATER! KAINIS! Binigyan niya ako ng viva mineral water out of nowhere! Surprise kung surprise! Ayaw na ayaw kong tanggapin pero napakatigas din ng ulo ng bata. Ayun. Talo ako. Tinanggap ko na lang.
• Nilibre din niya ako 5 pesos! Kainis again!
• Nilibre din niya ako pamasahe sa jeep! Kainis again and again!
• Napaka kulit. Palaging nagtetext kung nasaan ako. Ganun ba niya ako ka miss? Haha!
• Kinikidnap ako ng batang ito. Kahit saan ako dinadala. Ako naman, nagpapadala rin. Haaaay bata. Ewan ko ba bakit malambot puso ko sa iyo.
• Binigyan niya ako ng happy pills. Napakaraming happy pills with matching letters inside. Yung iba nakakatawa. Yung iba nakaka iyak. :)
• May dark chocolate din pala siyang binigay sa akin. Hersheys. At curly tops. Ano sunod bata? Snickers? Kitkat? Haha!
• At ngayon bago lang! She is learning piano so that she can dedicate and play songs for me! Like what the bata! Are you sure?! Haha!
• She always hugs me! Everytime we meet! Walang palya! Like wow. And it's always she caughts me off guard. Minsan di na lang ako maka hug back kasi di ko alam ano gawin ko. Haha.
• Kung may nakalimutan man ako, pasensya na at alalahanin ko muna. Haha.

Pero ang pinakanatamaan talaga ako sa lahat ng ginawa niya ay yung nag dropbox siya sa akin ng isang notepad letter thing at isang kanta.

Eto yung letter.

HAYYS atee nag duha2 ko about this song funny corny and watsoever proo i'll tell youu bata pko ani gnahan jd ko .. 

so expected pang bata jd kaau .. hahaha ! proo bata pko naga isip pd ko na naa koi sister .. pro krn pa ko nagka sister na 

mkaingon jud ko na ma feel nko ang pagka SISTER .. haha ! dghan gd dha ba kai daghan ko ate.2 proo SAIMO NKO NA FEEL ANG LOVE SA

ISA KA ATE NA AQNG GNA PANGITA .. KYA THANK YOU KAAAAAYOO ATEEE FORR BEIING MY SISSTERRRR .. THOUGH NOT BY BLOOD BUT BY LOVEE :D HAHAHAHA !

HMM .. sa song na ni pd kaaii a part of my fav. character hahaha ! lol . basta funny kaaau :D proo pag mag tan.aw jd ko sa 

t.v ani kaii chuuy ! haha ! taz kantahon daun ni na song .. mka ingon gd ko na nta naa koi sister .. hahaha ! but den nag 

promise ko skng self na ipadunggog jd nkoo ni sa taong mka feel ko na SISTER jd nkooo ( DLE NI JOKE OR JAMMING ND MAKING A STORY ) .. though pang bata mn gd kaau ba .. maoo ng 

gna ingnan tka na pass sa ko pag about sa song kaii dli ni well known na song kaii pang bataaaaaa jd kaaau .. hahahaha ! 

BUUT IM HOPPING NA DI KA MALAIN ANII NA SONG HAHAHA ! LOOL . JUD KAAAAYO KO OOOYYY ! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH ! 

ULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :p AHAHHAHAHAHAH ! 

-----------> KULLLLLLIITTT :p

Eto naman yung kanta.

Nung pagbasa ko ng letter, pinipigilan ko na lang talaga yung luha ko. Ayoko umiyak eh. Pero nung sinimulan ko ng patugtugin yung kanta, ewan ko ba, intro pa lang ng kanta, BUMUHOS NA ANG LUHA KO NA PARANG BAGYO. Ewan ko. I immediately lay down on the sofa, curled up body like a baby and CRIED MY HEART OUT. I don't know. Hindi ko alam bakit ako umiyak nung gabing iyon pero isa lang ang sigurado ako, TOTOO ang iyak na yun. Totoong naiiyak ako dahil, because I am so touched with what she did. Natamaan ako. Sobra. Repeat playlist pa talaga ang media player ko at nag iisang kanta lang yun kaya ayun, balik balik ang kanta. Palakas ng palakas din ang iyak ko. Ewan ko ba. Para akong batang inagawan ng lollipop nung gabing yun. Tulo na sipon ko. Plus luha ko. Basa na masyado tshirt ko. Wala pa rin. I stayed up curling my body and crying like a baby. I felt so helpless and vulnerable. Parang feeling ko ang damaged ko pala talaga na tao noh? Tapos sa isang bata ko makikita, mahahanap ang solitude. Ayun. Iyak. I was crying like that for about 10? 15? 20mins? Di ako kumibo. Di ako gumalaw. Napatunganga ako sa pangyayaring iyon. In short, I was moved. I was touched. Natamaan ako. Di ako makapaniwalang may gagawa pa pala niyan sa akin or uso pa pala yan ngayon or ewan ko, lumambot talaga ang puso ko nung narinig ko ang The Sister Song.

Alam ko humiling ako sa Diyos noon na sana magkaroon ako ng kapatid na babae. Pero lalake ang binigay sa akin ni Lord, okay lang. Tanggap pa rin. Pero nung dumating si Niknik, nung nakilala ko na siya, nasabi ko talaga sa sarili ko na OH LORD THANK YOU. Parang siya na talaga ang sagot mo sa panalangin kong magkaroon ng younger sister. Nese kenye ne eng lehet eh. Halos pareho kami lahat ng gusto! Para ngang anak ako sa labas ng papa niya o anak siya sa labas ng papa ko. Haha. Basta. Long lost younger sister indeed.

Grabeng happiness ang dala niya sa buhay ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. At ang happiness na binibigay niya sa aking ay na spread na rin sa ibang tao. Like for example, nagsisimula na ulit akong gumawa ng little notes/letters. Nabigyan ko na sila Nads and Meg, classmates ko, at si Faith, isang kasama pa namin sa basketball. Tapos loving na rin ako sa mga ECE classmates ko ngayon. Mas loving pala. Haha. Tapos sa kapatid ko, sa totoo kong kapatid, wow lang. Tinuturuan ko na siya kahit pagod ako or what at mataas na pasensiya ko sa kanya. Tapos loving na rin ako sa mama at papa ko ngayon. I mean more loving and lambing. See the change she has brought me? Yun sinasabi ng mga tao na iba raw ang smile ko sa mga pictures ko lately especially sa instagram, hindi yun dahil sa kung anong something. Dahil yun lahat kay Niknik. Ear to ear smile nga ang hatid niya sa akin.

The most important change she has done to me is, she has destroyed my effin tall and strong walls. The walls I built because of too much pain and sadness I felt from the past. The walls I built to protect myself from being hurt again. She let me realize that those walls are no good. That they will just continue to isolate me from the wonders of the world. She let me realize that okay lang masaktan. Parte yan ng buhay. Ang importante is maging masaya ka. Yung tipong genuine happiness talaga at ikalat mo ang genuine happiness na yan sa mga taong nakapaligid sa iyo.

Indeed, she is God's instrument to fix my ever damaged and broken personality. Inuntog talaga ako ni God sa pamamagitan ni Niknik at sinabing, "Hoy Dinelle! Tama na yang walls walls mo. Giba-in mo na yan at magsimula ka muli!" Siguro nga, sinadya ni Lord na sabay kaming dumating sa Garden Oases nung first practice namin sa basketball. Na kahit late na ako/kami, hinintay ko pa rin siya at di ako tumakbo. Siguro yun na yung simula. Doon pa lang, concern na pala ako sa kanya. Di ko lang alam. Unconscious lang.

Sa ngayon, di ko alam kung anong mga susunod na mangyayari. Bahala na? Haha. I mean, whatever happens, happens. All I know is that, I am happy that Niknik is in my life and I don't have any plans whatsoever of letting her go or something like that. I'll take care of her and I will cherish her presence forever. Yes. Forever. With her I believe that there is forever. Kahit na umabot ang araw na kelangan naming mag separate ways, forever pa rin. In our hearts and in our minds. True sisters/friends don't work outside. They work inside, in the heart and in the mind. Sorry sa english. Sleepy na ako. Haha. Basta ang thought is that the physical aspect lang yung malayo, pero ang pagmamahal namin sa isa't isa ay hinding hindi mawawala. Char lalim. Haha! And yeah, pag dumating man ang araw na yun, may technology naman to communicate. So worry not. And I know that even though we will be miles apart, Niknik and Ate will stay as Niknik and Ate. Always and forever. :)

Niknik

Thank you!

Maybe not now.

Maybe not immediately.

But I am starting to put down my walls and slowly going back to the "old me".

Uhm, maybe not all the "old me".

Just the good features of the "old me".

And I'll combine them with the good features of the "new me" too.

Scrap the bad features of the "new me".

Little by little.

Slowly.

I will be a better person.

I will be happier.

I will share more happiness to the people around.

Thanks to you Niknik.

Thank you so much. 

I owe you the change (for the better) I am experiencing right now.

Definitely, a kairos moment

:)

Alexandra Nicole Salcedo Navidad

The Kid Who Brought Me a Thousand Pieces of Ear to Ear Smile
^___________________________________________________^

Finished

Aug. 25, 2013

2:52 am

Now off to sleep. :)

STRAIGHTJACKET FEELING

Taglish muna tayo ngayon ah. Punong-puno lang talaga ng mga di mailabas-labas na hinanakit at hinaing ang aking damdamin ngayon.

Hinihintay kong makapag-online sa skype ang pinaka echosang mahal kong kaibigan. Pero busy pa ata sa kanyang bonding moments with friends, kaya dito na lang. Baka sakaling matulungan niyo pa ako.

Korni pala to. Bipolar-ish. Kaya beware na lang.

Ako ngayon ay. Rephrase that. I am currently in a. Hmm. I don't really know how to state this. Siguro nga, yan mahirap pag wala kayong label. Yes. I am in a relationship. But he's not my boyfriend yet. I'm not his girlfriend too. Oh di ba? Confusing? Special someone. Special siya sa buhay ko. Oo. Mahal ko. Pero natatakot lang ako minsang sabihin ang mga katagang I love you o ano pa man jan. Bakit? Mamaya na. Darating din tayo jan. Oo yun na. Basta ispesyal siya sa akin. M.U., more than friends, exclusively dating, tawagin mo na lahat. Yan. Pasok kami jan.

Ako din naman ang may gusto nito eh. Kung tutuusin, pwede ko na siyang sagutin. Pero may kasunduan lang talaga ako sa sarili ko na AYAW ko pang magkaroon ng boyfriend hangga't di pa ako tapos sa kolehiyo. KORNI KO NOH? Maria Clara 2013? Ewan ko ba sa akin. Saan ko ba to nakuha. Gusto ko lang din yun. And I don't want to break that promise. Weird na nga talaga siguro ako. Pwede na akong ipasok sa mental.

Eto ngayon, si special someone, si BOY 1, mabait naman siya. Understanding. Caring. Loving. Supportive. Napapatawa niya ako kahit napaka ewan na ng jokes niya. Walang problema. Ay hindi, kung walang problema, di dapat ako malungkot ngayon. So ano nga ba talaga ang problema?

Busy siya. Busy din ako. Busy kaming dalawa. Naiintindihan ko naman yun. Pero may mga oras lang talaga na, I am put into a fight versus myself. Why? Because my mind is not coinciding with what my hearts feels. Let me give you an example for a better understanding.

Yesterday, our department had a technical exhibit in one of the biggest malls here in the city. He's part of the main working committee because basically, he is the PRO in the student government in our school (School of Engineering and Architecture). So yeah. Very busy. In charge of something, of everything. Busy din naman ako. Klase sa umaga with matching PAASCU dialogue sa umaga then hosting gig doon din sa exhibit. Nung tapos na ang segment ko, ay ang saya ng puso ko. Iniisip niya na YES! Pwede kong ma invite si boy 1 kasi nasa mall na lang rin man kami, kain na lang kami. UNFORTUNATELY, may meeting pala sila pagkatapos nun. Nahulog ang mundo ni puso. No chance. Para naman kay isip, okay lang yan. Umintindi ka lang. Trabaho lang. Pero yun nga, conflict of interests na sila ni puso. Patay tayo diyan.

When he offered to accompany me on the way to the jeepney terminal, I refused. He insisted. I threatened him that I would punch him if he would insist more. Alam ko sasabihin niyo na napakatanga ko. Nag offer na nga yung tao, tinanggihan ko pa. Alam ko. Dahil yan din yung naramdaman ko nung ako'y naglalakad ng mag isa papunta sa sakayan. But I realized, I have done that because I don't want to miss him EVEN MORE. It's like yes he would accompany me but what? After? He would not go with me. He will just stay there. Go back inside because HE HAS A MEETING. So para saan pa na ihahatid niya ako? Maiwan na lang siya dun. Di pa sasakit lalo ang damdamin ko sa fact na di kami pwede magsama ng matagal. Pero meron din naman akong kadramahan side. Di naman talaga ako umuwi agad. I mean, nag lakad lakad pa ako. Pumunta pa ako sa 3rd flr. Umikot-ikot. Bakit? Tinext ko kasi siya kung pwede ba siyang tumakas. Bad influence na kung bad influence. Pero gusto ko lang talaga siya makasama kahapon. Halos tatlong linggo na rin kaming di nagkakasama. Ayun. But that whole time where I wandered around the mall, I didn't receive a reply. So I finally decided to go home, rode a jeepney, then mukmok dito sa bahay. Like inisip ko agad yung ginawa ko. Palaka. Nasabi ko sa kanya yun? Tumakas? Nagawa kong maglakad lakad para lamang maghintay sa text na alam ko naman ang sagot na hindi pwede? Eh tinanggihan ko nga yung offer niya na samahan ako, tapos ako pa may karapatang magalit?

That. That is the biggest question I am questioning to myself now. WHY? Why do I feel this way? Maybe I am a possessive person in my last life and it's reflecting now. But I have developed more my emotions that's why I know too that being possessive is bad. That demanding time with boy 1 is wrong when seriously, he has more important priorities to make. That's why I've told you earlier that it's a fight between heart and mind --- a fight between myself and myself. Heart wants to kidnap him yesterday so that we could be together but mind knows that it's wrong so no, go home and understand him. A fight between should I get mad at him or not? Bakit naman ako magagalit? Bakit naman ako hindi magagalit?

Kaya naman ngayon kelangan ko talaga ng napakagandang advice. Yung tipong malulunod ako sa words of wisdom. Eh pano, si pinaka echosang love ko na friend out of coverage area pa. Eto na naman tayo. Sa susunod na lang.

Tama nga rin pala. Wala akong karapatan. Di ko naman siya boyfriend. Kaya parang null and void lahat ng pinagsasabi ko dito. Bzzz.

Ang hiraaaaaaaaaap! Napakakomplikado! Pero ako lang din naman ata ang nagpapakomplikado sa sitwasyon ko. Napakahirap lang talagang kalabanin ang sarili mo. It's so hard to carry a thing wherein you are not used to carrying.

Takot pa rin pala akong masaktan. Akala ko okay na. Napakataas at napakalakas pa rin pala ng mga bakurang ginawa ko. Kaya siguro halos di ko masabi-sabi ang tatlong most essential words in a relationship.

I love you.

*straightjacket feeling*

OH THESE TIMES ARE HARD YEAH THEY'RE MAKING US CRAZY DON'T GIVE UP ON ME BABY

SAD

• Screwed my Digital Communications quiz yesterday.
• Can't seem to grasp school lately.
• Project/school stuffs overload
• Feels tired. Really tired.
• Should have seen you before you go but WHAT. THE. HECK.

HAPPY

• Friends who have just passed the NLE.
• Jinky top 8.
• 84 on my Philosophy subject.

I really feel down these days. I thought I have recovered already from that not so good birthday aftermath. But yeah, looks like I still haven't. I thought I could celebrate my birthday again but yeah, looks like again it will be postponed further.

Sigh. :(

RESHUMEY

Will my resume forgive me for not having so much to write on the awards and clubs portion? Been thinking of things lately. But I stay still on where I find happiness.

Yesterday, we had this guidance session. And in that session, we were asked to make a resume draft. I was kinda bothered that I had so little to write on the awards and clubs portion. Really, little.

Recently, I had offers on running for certain positions --- club president, course representative. At first I got interested. But then again, I said no. Why? I thought of my happiness. If I became one of it, I won't be able to sleep that much. I won't be able to study that much. My concentration on my thesis will be divided. Maybe I can't join the basketball team. I won't have so much time with friends. I won't have so much time with my family. I won't have time with the creature who puts a convex curve on my lips.

It's not a sin to be happy, isn't it? I just choose to be happy. I just choose where my heart and mind will have peace. Being a leader is not just about the title or the position. You can be a leader; you can serve the people even if you are just a commoner. Being a good leader means being a good follower.

I hope my resume can forgive me. More importantly, I hope my employer will see more than just the writings on those papers. Most importantly, I hope I will be happy on whatever work I'll have and wherever work I'll go. Hope my colleagues won't be so hard on me. :)

LOVE

MY 2012 SPEECH

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show, the you I've come to know
If a face could launch a thousand ships then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you, you're all that's left me too

High School Super Friends, Classmates, Batchmates, CONGRATULATIONS to each one of you who graduated this year (especially to those who graduated with flying colors! (Wait. What color does fly? Ay. Joke. Haha!)). Congrats part 2 to everyone who passed their boards and became RN's, CPA's, RPh's, etc. AND to those who are still waiting for the results, and those who are yet to take the boards, keep calm and own those extended letters on your names. AND AND to those who will graduate this March 2013, just a little bit more so just go go go. AND AND AND to those whose graduation is still a long way to go, don't worry, you still have me, forever companion. >:)))

Arki buddiessssssss! This is it pancit! Thesis mode eh? I hope you will all have an excellent mark on your final deliberations. And I really really really hope many of you will graduate this March. I know thesis is sooooooo haaaaaaaard but don't lose the fight. Make yourselves haaaaaaardeeeeeeeer. >:)))

PS. If ever there are thanksgiving parties, you know I'm just a text away. >:)))

And when my love for you is running dry
You come and pour yourself on me

The Mighty 13 ECE Family Solid Forever. Hahaha! I wonder what would be the next name that we'll call ourselves. Not so much talk here. Just want to say, prepare the 500Php and up exchange gift for our Christmas party next year. Prepare also the glam outfits for our class picture. And, prepare the chos chos chos. Hahaha! Kiddin'. Just, I love you all. Let's continue to love, care, understand and support each other. I have witnessed countless "family" deeds that we've done this year. Let's continue doing it next year and next year and next year and you know when. :)))

PS. Let's patronize Reeza's dictionary from now on or else, she'll brenda us. >:)))

New found friends --- SEA Basketball Girls --- thanks for welcoming me, us. Thank you for letting us be a part of the TEAM. We may not have reached the final two spots but hey, there's still the third place up for grabs. It will still be history right? Hehe. But yeah win or lose, I'm happy already. With the friendship we have and the moments we've shared, it's more than a championship game to me. The fact that I got to play even just a few minutes, it's more than a championship trophy to me. Thank you for making this little girl's dream come true. Hihi. :)))

If a man could be two places at one time I'd be with you
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way
If the world should stop revolvin' spinnin' slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you and when the world was through

TRIPOD. *whispering* Psssshhhhh. Hey dash, let's not disturb yabee cause she's gonna take the boards this January. She needs concentration. Hahaha! Hey yabee! Good luck on your boards! Perfect it! Top it! Haha! Naaaaw. I know you can do it. Just remember, me and dash are waiting for the celebration echosan party already. Chos chos chos! Haha! And you dash, I am waiting for your graduation party too. As for my party, you still have to wait for it. Hihi. I LOVE YOU BOTH! I miss youssss! We're gonna go bonding soon don't worry. (During your parties maybe. Hehe.) BIIIIG HUUUUUG! *especially to you, dash* >:)))

PS. We're almost all 21. Please, whoever wants to wed first, don't hesitate to announce it. >:)))

Family. I believe that keeping things simple makes the world a better place. I believe that simplicity can be understood easily by the majority (Ms. Universe answer lang ang peg?! Haha!). So, I'll just keep this simple. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. (caps lock for emphasis) And like I always pray, I don't care if it's simple, as long as we're happy. :)))

Revel bar, I hope the letter covered everything. If it didn't, you can always ask me. :)))

Chocolate, you don't know who you are. If you can guess, text me. Then maybe I'll tell you the things I should say here. Haha!

GOD. THANK YOU. SUPER. I'm not saying that fourth year is a stress free year but yeah, thank You because I was able to have more rests this year than last year, I think. Haha. Though the schedule is not that convenient still, I prefer it more than last year. Thank you for helping me manage my time (family, friends, school, social life, love life? haha!). Thank you for my awesome performance last semester. Even I myself can't believe it. But yeah, as they say, nothing is impossible with You. So yeah, I did it! Thank you! Highest WPA so far. But it's not yet enough. I need to eat more rice to achieve my goal. As of now, goal's too far to reach, but I will try to get back on track. Thanks for keeping us safe and healthy always. Continue to guide us. Continue to shower us Your blessings. I really really really hope I can achieve my goal. Please help me do it. I don't know what's in store for me in 2013. But whatever it is, big or small, biggest or smallest, help me face it bravely. :)))

PS. THANK YOU FOR THE HAPPINESS (in all kinds and forms). Bahala na simple basta masaya. :)))

Special shoutouts to:

• Jintot, the person who revolutionized good morning text messages, sorry if I wasn't able to go with your invite but i really do hope we can see each other next year (after a very loooooong time). I miss you! :)
• Hippooooo!!! Good to see you again! Good that you put your business at City Tri. At least there'll be chances that I'll see you every lunch TTH. Oh yeah friends, buy now at the new buko drink store inside City Tri! (Forgot the name. Haha!)
• Benben, my forever skype buddy. Don't worry, if time permits, let's go happy lemon again! This time, I'll be the one who will treat you. And I hope you'll experience the happy lemon magic too. That when we finish our drink and go out of the cafe, you'll have that ear to ear smile and cloud 9 happiness (just like me when we did it last time. hihi.). GO FIGHT WIN! :)

Then one by one the stars would all go out
Then you and I would simply fly away

*SMILE* :)

MY FIRST DAY AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD

They say the world would end on Dec. 21, 2012. I guess I survived. I wouldn't feel happiness now if I didn't, right? :)

Thank you for KFC. Snackbox and spoonfuls. These are way better than Starbucks really. You know how I love gravy so much. :)

Your "damak" fingers. Haha! You have girly fingers than I do. :)

My first time to try spoonfuls. Mango cheescake is more delicious than tiramisu. And yeah I know, you have to put first the crust then the cream then the mango. SKELAN! >:)

IMAX! First time again! Whooooo thank you! It was worth it because it's The Hobbit. Almost 3 hours! I know they say IMAX and 3D have little difference but I prefer IMAX. Really HD and it doesn't cause headaches for me! YEY! Or maybe because you were just there that's why I didn't feel any sickness at all. >:)

MCDO. ALONE. But even though I'm alone, I have never felt so happy. It was the even the highlight of my day. You needed to go home and I understand it. I don't know, but, I was like feeling you were just there in front of me watching me eat all these stuffs. >:)

AND THIS! You really tricked me with this! I am good with busting surprises but I don't know why I hadn't busted your plan! RAWR! Hahaha! It's not for your sister, it was for me ALL ALONG. I HATE YOU! Hahaha! At least you didn't have to guess what size I am and I don't have to go back and exchange this one with another size (in case). >:)

Four years ago, I planned on doing something special on the 22nd day of December but it didn't push through. I didn't know it will happen four years after without me planning at all. Guess they are right. UNPLANNED MOMENTS ARE THE BEST. :)

THANK YOU. :)

I'M HERE ONCE AGAIN

That feeling of frustration
That feeling of depression
I don't want to give in
But I'm here once again

PS
I hope and pray I can finish my logic project tomorrow or on Friday.

HEART HEART HEART

I just want to share these two songs that make my eyes heart heart these days. Actually, there was only one at first. The second song just sprouted this day. Haha. Yes. Whenever I hear these two songs, I don't know, my eyes just turn to hearts and my heart just jumps for joy. Hopeless romantic indeed. Wish I am with someone singing these songs. But I guess, I'll have to undergo self service as of the moment. Hahaha!

This first song is by Taylor Swift featuring Ed Sheeran. YEEEEEES! Ed Sheeran my baby! Haha! Naaah. Yeah really. This song just caught my attention when I was reviewing Taylor's new album, Red. It is my favorite song in the album already (next would be Begin Again). I don't know, I just fell in love with this song so much that I learned it on guitar and now I'm memorizing its lyrics. Yes, so obsessed. Hihi.

AND THIS! ONE DIRECTION! I am a directioner at 20! Haha. Whatever they say, this song just really got the X factor. The melody, the lyrics, the totality, PERFECT indeed. Would love to have someone sing this for me. There I go again, hopeless romantic. Haha! Enjoying it anyway. I am just imagining that the boys are singing this for me. :)

KAPITAN AMERIKA

KAPITAN AMERIKA

Kapitan Amerika

Nasaan ka na?

Mapaglalaanan mo ba ako?

Ng kahit konting panahon mo?

Naiintindihan ko

Ang mga tungkulin mo

Ikaw ang tagapagligtas

Ng mundong kumukupas

Pero paano naman tayo?

Naiisip mo ba ako?

Paano ang ating bukas?

Pangakong pag-ibig na wagas?

Araw ng ating pagkikita

Ako'y tinawagan mo pa

Pero sadyang napakasaklap

Bumagsak ka mula sa alapaap

Ikaw ay nakatulog

Habang ako'y sabog na sabog

Naghihintay sa muling pagmulat

Ng mga mata mong sikat

Di ko kayang maghintay

Wala akong habambuhay

Napakahabang panahon

Ng pitumpung taon

Ngayo'y gising ka na muli

Sana nga'y di pa ako huli

Mapapatawad mo ba ako?

Sa biglang paglisan ko?

Kapitan Amerika

Nasaan ka na nga ba?

May pag-asa pa kaya?

Ang pag-ibig nating dal'wa?

Kapitan Amerika

9x12 Sketchpad

Mongol No. 2 Pencil

All rights reserved

I WANT TO

I want to text you.
I want to see your name on my inbox.
I hope you'd text me.
I want to talk to you.
I want to just even come close, maybe closer to you.
I want to say Hi!
I want to ask "How's your day?"
I want to eat lunch or perhaps snacks with you.
I want to tease you.
I want you to tease me too.
I want to write you letters.
I want to make poems 'bout you.
I want to hug you.
I want to.
I want to.
I want to.
I want to say, I LOVE YOU.
(I hope you'd say you love me too)

SONG STORY 1

Because I am so emotional these days (Which I don't know why. Well I know, I think I'm just denying it.), this idea popped out of my mind. SONG STORY. It's basically a story, may or may not be happening in real life. The twist is that it is narrated in a song, an existing one. Characters say what they want to say through the lines in the song. So tadaaaaa! My first ever song story. Enjoy! :)

STAY
Lisa Loeb

(Girl1, Boy2)

Girl1: You say I only hear what I want to

Girl1: You say I talk so all the time so.

Girl1: And I thought what I felt was simple,

Girl1: And I thought that I don't belong,

Girl1: And now that I am leaving,

Girl1: Now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.

Girl1: Yeah, I missed you.

Girl1: And you say I only hear what I want to:

Girl1: I don't listen hard,

Girl1: I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running

Or to anyone, anywhere,

Boy2: I don't understand if you really care,

Boy2: I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no (bad)

Boy2: And so I, I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up

Boy2: 

And this woman was singin' my song:

Boy2: 

The lover's in love and the other's run away,

Boy2: 

The lover is cryin' 'cause the other won't stay.

Narrator: Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was

Narrator: 

Dying since the day they were born.

Girl1: Well, this is not that:

Girl1: I think that I'm throwing, but I'm thrown.

Girl1: And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.

Girl1: You try to tell me that I'm clever,

Girl1: But that won't take my anyhow, or anywhere with you.

Girl1: You said that I was naive,

Girl1: And I thought that I was strong. 

Girl1: I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."

Girl1: Oh but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you. 

Boy2: You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you and one day I'll let you go." 

Girl1: You try to give away a keeper
Boy2: Or keep me 'cause you know you're just so scared to lose.

Boy2: And you say, "Stay."

Girl1: You say I only hear what I want to.

DR. LEXIE GREY

Because I can't get over, really can't get over with Lexie's death, I dedicate this post to her.

Rest in peace my favorite Grey's character. :'(

Mark: I love you.
Lexie: You don't have to say it just because I said it.
Mark: I love you. I love you. I've always been in love with you. I will always be in love with you, which is why you have to stay alive. We can get married. And you'll gonna be an amazing surgeon. We're gonna have 2 or 3 kids.
Lexie: Sophia can have siblings.
Mark: Yeah, a sister and 2 brothers.
Lexie: It's nice.
Mark: We're gonna be happy Lex. You and me, we're gonna have the best life, you and me. We're gonna be so happy so you can't die okay? You can't die cause we're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be.
Lexie: Meant to be.

*cries*

WILL YOU (WE) EVER LEARN?

So what's the point in all of this

When you will never change

The days have pass, The weather's changed

Should I be sorry Could I be sorry

I did it all, all for you

Hoping you would see

Your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched

Are we ready? Are we ready?

But you, you think about yourself

Only but yourself

But what about... 

Un-lonely nights

Romantic moments

The love, the love

What about them?

Throw it all away

You know me well, You know it's wrong

Then what is it you feel?

You hide behind those perfect smiles

It won't fool me, cause you already did

I did it all, all for you

Hoping you would see

Your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched

Are we ready? Are we ready?

But you, you think about yourself

Only but yourself

But what about... 

Un-lonely nights

Romantic moments

The love, the love

What about them?

Throw it all away

The perfect dates

The sweetest kisses

The love, the love

What about them?

Throw it all away

So what's the point in all of this

When you will never change

The days have pass, The weather's changed

Should I be sorry Could I be sorry

Emo song it may seem, but i got hit. Again.

NOT AGAIN?! :(

if you wanna make up for your mistakes, THEN DO IT AND BE SINCERE. not just stay there, stand or sit on the corner.


eh parang wala naman eh. parang wala pa rin. ano wala lang? wala walaan na lang?


ewan ko sa'yo. ewan.


kainis ka.


undangi oy.