MY 2013 SPEECH

I don't know how to start this speech really. I don't even have plans like my 2012's. I have even thought of not making this now and just make this sometime next year. But hey, time has presented itself to me. So I should not waste it. TIME is GOLD. LOVE is ETERNITY. Hmm. This will just be spontaneous. Whatever thoughts that will come out of my mind, so be it. :)

JANUARY

• To Ron - Thanks for the birthday treat at Seafoods Island Northshore Grill. One of the best moments with ECE 13. As I can see in our pictures, we are all so happy. So yeah. Happy happy. Hopefully, on your next birthday treat, we are still happy like what we felt that time. :)
• To Drei - Thank you for the chance that I met your dad and siblings and the rest of your family on your dad's side. Thanks for the new orlean's cafe after. Sorry about my gift though. But I know you like it. I hope so. Thanks too for your birthday gift to me. :)
• To Naden - Thank you for the pack of yema gift! You're the first who gave me a gift for my birthday! :)
• To Papa - Thank you for throwing a party on my 21st birthday. I had lechon again after how many years. The last time was I think when I was 7 years old? Hihi. Thank you for sponsoring black label to my classmates. Hihi again. :)
• To my ECE 13 classmates - Sorry that my birthday had a rainy night. Everybody got wet and yeah, Adrian was the most wet one. But I thank you all for coming to my party. And thank you for your newsprint and correction tape gifts. :)
• To all JIECEP-SMS members who attended the summit at UIC bonifacio - Thank you for singing me a happy birthday song. :)
• To Yabee - Yey! Congrats Miss RPh! I knew you would pass. If you had no toothache that time, I think you would top the boards. Haha.

FEBRUARY

• To the people I was with during the cheerdance competition at Almendra's Gym and after, THANK YOU. Memories indeed. :)
• To Drei - Thanks for the post valentines date at Mandarin and for the The Fault in our Stars book and correction tape and paper flower. :)
• To Jinky - 8th placer on the nursing boards! Wow! Proud friend here! Hihi. Thanks for the invite at your thanksgiving party. Happy night that was. :)
• To Hazel - After Jinky's thanksgiving party, we went straight to your thanksgiving party. Hihi. Congrats too Ms. Pharma! Hoping to call you Doc soon. :)

MARCH

• Thanks Meg, my forever partner. Logic and Android projects. :)
• Thank you teachers for the grades. I was 0.75 short somehow. Hihi.
• Thank you Drei for inviting me to your younger sister's graduation party. I got to see lolabels that night. :)
• To  Lolabels - Congrats for graduating! Archi in the making! Thank you for inviting me to your thanksgiving party! :)
• To Dash - Congratulations for finally graduating! A degree in Mass Communications indeeeeed! Haha. Couldn't be prouder. Wait for me on the finish line. I am hoping to see you and yabee by the time I reached the finish line. :)

APRIL - MAY

• Thank you SMART for accepting us to have our OJT in your company. Live More! :)
• New found friends during OJT - Des, Ting, Franch, Jazz, April, Master Cedie, and to the rest of the Field Operations guys, and to my co-school trainees, Eldon, Kat, Harlita, Butch - BEST TIMES!!! Hahaha! The Beatriz karinderya and the Teresita sugbahan and the graduation. What happens in smart, stays in smart? Haha!
• All my supervisors and bosses in Smart, thank you for the opportunity and for patiently sharing your knowledge to us; for teaching us and for letting us apply the things that we have learned. :)

(APRIL) JUNE (JULY) (AUGUST)

• Thank you Maam Banluta for accepting our thesis proposal. :)
• Thank you Sir Marloue for constantly and patiently checking our thesis works and for teaching us how to become businessmen/women. :)
• To my SEA women's basketball teammates and Coach Freddie Roach - I never thought that first practice would mean so much to me. I just went for that practice thinking that it would be my last and even used my favorite socks and cyclings. But hey, no lasts I think. Instead, that practice was the beginning of a stronger bond that, what i can see, is forming into a family-like bond now. :)

JULY

• To the whoooooole ECE gang! From first year to fifth or more year! BEST ACQUAINTANCE PARTY OF MY ECE LIFE EVER! Thanks to everyone who came! Thanks most to the SELECOMES officers who made it possible! :)
• To Niknik - Thank you for asking help to Nads about tutoring you. If not for it, we would not know each other this much now. We would not become what we are now. :)
• To Nads - Thank you for inviting me to tutor Niknik. I really didn't have any idea. I just said yes. Good thing I said yes. :)

AUGUST

• To everyone I was with during the EA Liga, the beeeeest agaaaaiiiiiin!!! Hahaha! Thank you! ECE Champions! Whoooooo!!! Basketball Girls champion, Basketball Boys champion! Aaaaaahahaha! Thanks to all ECE peeps I played with. Sorry if I am only a flower flower to the volleyball team. And to Tasha and Noreen, continue our basketball supremacy guys. Char. Hihi. To ECE as a whole, continue our dynasty! Go for the gold again next year! :)
• To Naden, Niknik and to Faith who came with us that keepsakes dinner, THANK YOU. That night was soooo memorable. Faith was a revelation indeed. I haven't expected that that would start a very hashtag korni bonding. Hahaha. But yeah, thank you. Let's eat again at keepsakes soon. :)
• Thank you to Naden and Niknik for everything that had happened last Aug 15. I never thought arcade could be so much fun. One of the happiest days of my 2013 ever. Happier because we saw Faith unexpectedly. Haha! Destiny! :)
• To Niknik - Thank you for sending me that cute Sister Song from Barney. I really didn't know that song all my life. It was just you who introduced it to me. You really are a kid. Hihi. That song made me realize how broken I am and that I need to be fixed and that I am just waiting for someone who will fix me (chars) and that I can't be fixed if I don't fix myself first. So full of fix. Haha. I think you are Fix-It Felix. And I am Wreck-It Ralph? Hahaha! Thank you for the love, care, concern and support. Thank you for being so thoughtful about my knee, for being a sweet younger sister to me (though sometimes naughty. haha), and for making me believe in my dreams again. Thank you for believing in me that I CAN. Thank you for letting me realize that I am capable of loving and that I am capable of being loved. I have never expected that I will find solace in a kid like you. Thank you for the happy pills. Thank you for the Happy Lemons. Thank you for the little notes. Thank you for every little thing you have given me including the 6k churbaloo. Haha! Thank you for calling me Ache. Thank you for the happiness. Thank you for breaking my big strong walls. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for bringing back the old ache, the old me. :)
• To Marj! Thanks for inviting me on your wedding. Happy to have met Joey. I wish you a happy and fruitful married life ahead!
• To my high school friends whom I was with last Marj's wedding - HAHAHAHAHA! Forever laughtrip with you guys! I miss you all so much! Let's get back again together on the next one who will get married. :)

SEPTEMBER

• Thank you panel of judges for considering our thesis project. It's still kind of hard somehow, but yeah,  we'll get through this. :)
• To Niknik - Thank you for being there after my thesis title defense. :)
• To Faith - Thank you for calling me and Nik that night (and not anybody else? hihi). Thank you for going away from your world and coming back to the real world just in time. I know you can remember all the things I said that night and I hope you won't forget them and I hope you will truly apply them. I felt I was really an ATE that night. Hihi. Thank you for inspiring me to do well on my exams the day after. :)
• To Mommy - THANK YOU for sponsoring my hair and make up for my yearbook pictorials and for accompanying me and being a stage mom at the studio. :)
• Thank you to Sheila Magpale Salon (J.P. Laurel Branch) for my hair and make up. Hihi.
• To the Campus Ministry and to Sir Ryan - Thank you for the opportunity of having a silent retreat. I needed that so much and I just would like to thank you all for the help you have given. I think I will attend again a silent retreat. Soon. :)

OCTOBER

• Thank you for the grades, teachers. I made it to the cut. :)
• Thank you Drei for understanding. :)
• Thank you Bonj for the birthday invite. :)
• To all ECE/CpE/ChE in Singapore - Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! BEST!!!!! Hahaha! A picture paints a thousand words, so I think my pictures of us on my Facebook account are enough to express all my emotions/thoughts during those 5-day trip. THANK YOU! :)
• Thank you to the CpE Blacksheeps and Sir Descalsota (our Tatay) for being with us, ECE babies, guiding us during our Orchard, Marina Bay Sands, Bay View, Merlion, Universal Studios, Sentosa Island tour. Best amazing race slash survivor trip ever! Hahahahahahahaha!
• Thank you most to Papa and to Mommy for sponsoring my Singapore trip. :)
• Thank you to Harlan Sanchez for accomodating me when we arrived in Davao because the water is so high and it was flood everywhere and there was no chance I could go home to our house. :)
• Thank you Stephen Maybanting too for cooking food for us. Hahaha!

NOVEMBER (DECEMBER)

• To my basketball teammates and coach purr - thank you for trusting me and for understanding me and for letting me play. :)
• Thank you Auntie Carol and Ate Cheche for coming here in Davao and spending time with us during the holidays. It was good to be back at Samal. :)
• To Sir Opep - Thank you for helping me with my BPI applications. Sorry sir if I did not make it. But those times when you were helping me made me see that you are a passionate teacher. I hope you won't stop teaching and continue helping students (like me). :)
• Thank you to my forever thesis partner Meg for being so supportive and understanding and just simply being responsible enough in all our works. You know already what I am saying. Hihi. :)

DECEMBER

• ECE 13!!! Thank you for participating on our annual exchange gift giving! Thank you that we all gave somethings even though we leveled up to 500 pesos or more. Thank you that despite of our busy schedules and no money and no proper venue, we were still able to celebrate this annual tradition. :)
• To my basketball teammates and coach purr (again) - best practices here at our subdivision I can say. Hihi. Naaaaah. Just thank you for the bonding --- the stronger bonding that we have --- even stronger than before. Hihi. Just unfortunate that we fell short on our last game. Even I wanted to win it and I wanted that we will reach the championships. But yeah, life's like that. Let's just make sure that we "equal" this year what we have achieved last year. Go for the bronze! Hopefully, we can spend more time together even if the season has already finished. :)
• Thank you Niknik and Faith for accepting my crazy idea of exchanging gifts, and for the go with the flow trip (ktv, bowling, dinner, mcdo dessert) during the longest night of the year. Thank you Faith for the Timex watch. Thank you Niknik for the engineer teddy bear and for the numerous amount of letters. Thank you for making granny happy that longest night. :)
• Thank you again Niknik and Faith and this time with Fiona for a invading our house and for the bowling part 2. Just sad that we haven't had the chance to go to the cinema but next time, there's always a next time. :)
• To TRIPOD - for the unending support and love and understanding and words of encouragement, THANK YOU! I miss you both so much. I want to be in your arms now. Charlaloo noh? Hihi. But really, I am hoping to spend MORE time with you this 2014. I AM REALLY HOPING SO. :)
• Again, thank you Meg. Forever thesis partner. We can do this. We will. :)

THANK YOU

• Jintot
• Benben
• Agosto
• Mommy
• Papa
• Arvin
• Nanay
• Yaya
• Jesus
• Mama Mary
• God

But I gotta say, the best part of my day is when I get thrown off the roof. Because when the Nicelanders lift me up, I get a perfect view of "Sugar Rush", and I can see Vanellope racing. The kid's a natural. And the players love her, glitch and all, just like I knew they would. TURNS OUT I DON'T NEED A MEDAL TO TELL ME I'M A GOOD GUY. BECAUSE IF THAT LITTLE KID LIKES ME, HOW BAD CAN I BE?

- Wreck-It Ralph

:) 

THE KID WHO BROUGHT ME A THOUSAND PIECES OF EAR TO EAR SMILE

The title seems odd right? Awkward? Like it doesn't have coherence? Haha! Well just leave it like that. I did it on purpose anyway. It's still understandable though. :)

After more than 5 months of no buzz here, it's just so timely that I make this post. This is for the kid who brought me a thousand pieces of ear to ear smile. :)

All my college life, I am like the vampire Elena Gilbert when Jeremy died (The Vampire Diaries) --- I turned off my humanity. Uhm no, not really. But yeah, sort of like that. College has CHANGED me so big that I set aside my old self and created a new one. I am still me less sentimental, sweet, thoughtful, and stuff.

To the defense of the old me, the "old me" is still alive BUT to just some chosen people. Mostly, my high school friends because they know me as the "old me". There are some arki and ECE friends who I treat with the "old me" but I can just count them with my 10 fingers and 10 toe fingers. So yeah, generally, the "new me" is what they (the people I met after graduating high school) know about me.

I lived my college life as it is, very fast pace. That teacher from the movie Three Idiots was right somehow when he said that life is a race. I lived my college life like that. I didn't have time to be celebrate happiness whenever I feel so much happy or mourn over things which I failed. It was always MOVE ON IMMEDIATELY because if you won't, you'll get left behind on the so called college race.

I have lived with this principle for 5 years and a half. And I was planning to just live with it, live by it until I finished college or up to even I go to work. Not until somebody SHAKED my plans.

The kid. I call her Niknik. She's a total stranger to me. I don't know her. She doesn't know me. Really, we are total strangers. I only knew her because of basketball. But that's just it. I don't even have any care at her at first. Well she's good at playing basketball. In fact superb, excellent. But that's it. It's like my relationship to her was just purely basketball. No more, no less.

Until one day, Nads, my ECE classmate slash basketball teammate told me that Niknik needs our help and wants to have a tutor session. I don't know what's with the word tutor that I always say yes to the call. Maybe because of my promise to myself that I will help anyone with regards to studies as much as I can. Uhm, a teacher in the making I can say.

So I did. But up to the very last minute, I don't even have her number. It was just Nads who serves as our messenger. See? I don't care. In Filipino, wala talaga akong pake-alam. It was Niknik who even contacted me first because really, I was late that time. Haha. I even let her wait for a couple of minutes because I was rushing stuffs for our thesis with Meg, my thesis partner. Good thing she was patient enough to wait for me. Haha. Sorry Niknik. :)

We had the tutor session. Algebra and Trigonometry. Nads class was cancelled that afternoon so she joined us. Niknik had two instant teachers. So yeah. Then I mentioned to Nads, to them maybe, that my right knee hurts because of that last basketball practice. Niknik told me that I just have to ice it and stuff. Since I really don't have any idea what to do with injuries, and since she's a pro basketball player I can say, I followed her. Niknik had to leave early that time because her mother told her so. I went to church. Just a normal Saturday. Then I texted Niknik again that night just to ask about what to do with my knee. Then I think that was the start of everything. If our story would be featured in MMK, the title would be TUHOD. Or TUTOR would be a candidate too.

So what about Niknik? Why such a fuzz about her? Hmm. Let's just say, SHE CHANGED ME. Why? How?

• She is cuteness overload. Just one look at her and your heart will melt. It's like you will have no reason ever to get mad at her. No wonder she has many friends and lovers. Haha.
• Speaking of friends, YES SHE HAS MANY! Anywhere we go! She knows someone! I am not like that! I mean, I have friends, but I am not as friendly as her. I am really amazed by her congeniality.
• She is a very loving daughter. She is an ulirang anak. SHE WAKES UP AT 4AM EVERYDAY TO CLEAN THEIR HOUSE OR WASH CLOTHES AND COOK BREAKFAST FOR HER MOM! LIKE WHUUUUT! I don't do that! It's the other way around in my world. My mom does everything. But Niknik, aaaaahhhhhh!!! She really is abnormal. :)
• She is also a loving granddaughter. She takes care of her grandmother. And me? Oh don't ask anymore.
• She is sweet. She is thoughtful. She reminds me of the "old me", willing to do everything just to make her friends happy.
• She is lambing. She is makulit. She is a very bright light in a very dark vacuum space.

At pwede na ba akong mag tagalog simula rito? Naubos na Ingles ko eh. Haha! No. I'll just make this TagLish instead.

Wala lang. Iba lang talaga si Niknik. Hindi naman kami close noon pero anong ginawa niya sa akin? Kinatok niya ang buhay ko. Inalog niya ang mundo ko. Ginising niya ako mula sa bangungot na nakasanayan ko ng pamuhayan.

Marami siyang ginawa. Marami siyang ginagawa.

• Kinamusta niya tuhod ko kahit DI NAMAN KAMI CLOSE (noon). Nasa isip ko pa noon, ano ba itong batang ito. Bored ba siya sa buhay niya? Haha.
• Dinalhan niya akong ng something foam thingy para di sumakit tuhod ko nung naglaro kami nung EA sportsfest. Siya pa talaga ang naglagay.
• AAAAHHHHH!!! ANG VIVA MINERAL WATER! KAINIS! Binigyan niya ako ng viva mineral water out of nowhere! Surprise kung surprise! Ayaw na ayaw kong tanggapin pero napakatigas din ng ulo ng bata. Ayun. Talo ako. Tinanggap ko na lang.
• Nilibre din niya ako 5 pesos! Kainis again!
• Nilibre din niya ako pamasahe sa jeep! Kainis again and again!
• Napaka kulit. Palaging nagtetext kung nasaan ako. Ganun ba niya ako ka miss? Haha!
• Kinikidnap ako ng batang ito. Kahit saan ako dinadala. Ako naman, nagpapadala rin. Haaaay bata. Ewan ko ba bakit malambot puso ko sa iyo.
• Binigyan niya ako ng happy pills. Napakaraming happy pills with matching letters inside. Yung iba nakakatawa. Yung iba nakaka iyak. :)
• May dark chocolate din pala siyang binigay sa akin. Hersheys. At curly tops. Ano sunod bata? Snickers? Kitkat? Haha!
• At ngayon bago lang! She is learning piano so that she can dedicate and play songs for me! Like what the bata! Are you sure?! Haha!
• She always hugs me! Everytime we meet! Walang palya! Like wow. And it's always she caughts me off guard. Minsan di na lang ako maka hug back kasi di ko alam ano gawin ko. Haha.
• Kung may nakalimutan man ako, pasensya na at alalahanin ko muna. Haha.

Pero ang pinakanatamaan talaga ako sa lahat ng ginawa niya ay yung nag dropbox siya sa akin ng isang notepad letter thing at isang kanta.

Eto yung letter.

HAYYS atee nag duha2 ko about this song funny corny and watsoever proo i'll tell youu bata pko ani gnahan jd ko .. 

so expected pang bata jd kaau .. hahaha ! proo bata pko naga isip pd ko na naa koi sister .. pro krn pa ko nagka sister na 

mkaingon jud ko na ma feel nko ang pagka SISTER .. haha ! dghan gd dha ba kai daghan ko ate.2 proo SAIMO NKO NA FEEL ANG LOVE SA

ISA KA ATE NA AQNG GNA PANGITA .. KYA THANK YOU KAAAAAYOO ATEEE FORR BEIING MY SISSTERRRR .. THOUGH NOT BY BLOOD BUT BY LOVEE :D HAHAHAHA !

HMM .. sa song na ni pd kaaii a part of my fav. character hahaha ! lol . basta funny kaaau :D proo pag mag tan.aw jd ko sa 

t.v ani kaii chuuy ! haha ! taz kantahon daun ni na song .. mka ingon gd ko na nta naa koi sister .. hahaha ! but den nag 

promise ko skng self na ipadunggog jd nkoo ni sa taong mka feel ko na SISTER jd nkooo ( DLE NI JOKE OR JAMMING ND MAKING A STORY ) .. though pang bata mn gd kaau ba .. maoo ng 

gna ingnan tka na pass sa ko pag about sa song kaii dli ni well known na song kaii pang bataaaaaa jd kaaau .. hahahaha ! 

BUUT IM HOPPING NA DI KA MALAIN ANII NA SONG HAHAHA ! LOOL . JUD KAAAAYO KO OOOYYY ! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH ! 

ULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :p AHAHHAHAHAHAH ! 

-----------> KULLLLLLIITTT :p

Eto naman yung kanta.

Nung pagbasa ko ng letter, pinipigilan ko na lang talaga yung luha ko. Ayoko umiyak eh. Pero nung sinimulan ko ng patugtugin yung kanta, ewan ko ba, intro pa lang ng kanta, BUMUHOS NA ANG LUHA KO NA PARANG BAGYO. Ewan ko. I immediately lay down on the sofa, curled up body like a baby and CRIED MY HEART OUT. I don't know. Hindi ko alam bakit ako umiyak nung gabing iyon pero isa lang ang sigurado ako, TOTOO ang iyak na yun. Totoong naiiyak ako dahil, because I am so touched with what she did. Natamaan ako. Sobra. Repeat playlist pa talaga ang media player ko at nag iisang kanta lang yun kaya ayun, balik balik ang kanta. Palakas ng palakas din ang iyak ko. Ewan ko ba. Para akong batang inagawan ng lollipop nung gabing yun. Tulo na sipon ko. Plus luha ko. Basa na masyado tshirt ko. Wala pa rin. I stayed up curling my body and crying like a baby. I felt so helpless and vulnerable. Parang feeling ko ang damaged ko pala talaga na tao noh? Tapos sa isang bata ko makikita, mahahanap ang solitude. Ayun. Iyak. I was crying like that for about 10? 15? 20mins? Di ako kumibo. Di ako gumalaw. Napatunganga ako sa pangyayaring iyon. In short, I was moved. I was touched. Natamaan ako. Di ako makapaniwalang may gagawa pa pala niyan sa akin or uso pa pala yan ngayon or ewan ko, lumambot talaga ang puso ko nung narinig ko ang The Sister Song.

Alam ko humiling ako sa Diyos noon na sana magkaroon ako ng kapatid na babae. Pero lalake ang binigay sa akin ni Lord, okay lang. Tanggap pa rin. Pero nung dumating si Niknik, nung nakilala ko na siya, nasabi ko talaga sa sarili ko na OH LORD THANK YOU. Parang siya na talaga ang sagot mo sa panalangin kong magkaroon ng younger sister. Nese kenye ne eng lehet eh. Halos pareho kami lahat ng gusto! Para ngang anak ako sa labas ng papa niya o anak siya sa labas ng papa ko. Haha. Basta. Long lost younger sister indeed.

Grabeng happiness ang dala niya sa buhay ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag. At ang happiness na binibigay niya sa aking ay na spread na rin sa ibang tao. Like for example, nagsisimula na ulit akong gumawa ng little notes/letters. Nabigyan ko na sila Nads and Meg, classmates ko, at si Faith, isang kasama pa namin sa basketball. Tapos loving na rin ako sa mga ECE classmates ko ngayon. Mas loving pala. Haha. Tapos sa kapatid ko, sa totoo kong kapatid, wow lang. Tinuturuan ko na siya kahit pagod ako or what at mataas na pasensiya ko sa kanya. Tapos loving na rin ako sa mama at papa ko ngayon. I mean more loving and lambing. See the change she has brought me? Yun sinasabi ng mga tao na iba raw ang smile ko sa mga pictures ko lately especially sa instagram, hindi yun dahil sa kung anong something. Dahil yun lahat kay Niknik. Ear to ear smile nga ang hatid niya sa akin.

The most important change she has done to me is, she has destroyed my effin tall and strong walls. The walls I built because of too much pain and sadness I felt from the past. The walls I built to protect myself from being hurt again. She let me realize that those walls are no good. That they will just continue to isolate me from the wonders of the world. She let me realize that okay lang masaktan. Parte yan ng buhay. Ang importante is maging masaya ka. Yung tipong genuine happiness talaga at ikalat mo ang genuine happiness na yan sa mga taong nakapaligid sa iyo.

Indeed, she is God's instrument to fix my ever damaged and broken personality. Inuntog talaga ako ni God sa pamamagitan ni Niknik at sinabing, "Hoy Dinelle! Tama na yang walls walls mo. Giba-in mo na yan at magsimula ka muli!" Siguro nga, sinadya ni Lord na sabay kaming dumating sa Garden Oases nung first practice namin sa basketball. Na kahit late na ako/kami, hinintay ko pa rin siya at di ako tumakbo. Siguro yun na yung simula. Doon pa lang, concern na pala ako sa kanya. Di ko lang alam. Unconscious lang.

Sa ngayon, di ko alam kung anong mga susunod na mangyayari. Bahala na? Haha. I mean, whatever happens, happens. All I know is that, I am happy that Niknik is in my life and I don't have any plans whatsoever of letting her go or something like that. I'll take care of her and I will cherish her presence forever. Yes. Forever. With her I believe that there is forever. Kahit na umabot ang araw na kelangan naming mag separate ways, forever pa rin. In our hearts and in our minds. True sisters/friends don't work outside. They work inside, in the heart and in the mind. Sorry sa english. Sleepy na ako. Haha. Basta ang thought is that the physical aspect lang yung malayo, pero ang pagmamahal namin sa isa't isa ay hinding hindi mawawala. Char lalim. Haha! And yeah, pag dumating man ang araw na yun, may technology naman to communicate. So worry not. And I know that even though we will be miles apart, Niknik and Ate will stay as Niknik and Ate. Always and forever. :)

Niknik

Thank you!

Maybe not now.

Maybe not immediately.

But I am starting to put down my walls and slowly going back to the "old me".

Uhm, maybe not all the "old me".

Just the good features of the "old me".

And I'll combine them with the good features of the "new me" too.

Scrap the bad features of the "new me".

Little by little.

Slowly.

I will be a better person.

I will be happier.

I will share more happiness to the people around.

Thanks to you Niknik.

Thank you so much. 

I owe you the change (for the better) I am experiencing right now.

Definitely, a kairos moment

:)

Alexandra Nicole Salcedo Navidad

The Kid Who Brought Me a Thousand Pieces of Ear to Ear Smile
^___________________________________________________^

Finished

Aug. 25, 2013

2:52 am

Now off to sleep. :)

STRAIGHTJACKET FEELING

Taglish muna tayo ngayon ah. Punong-puno lang talaga ng mga di mailabas-labas na hinanakit at hinaing ang aking damdamin ngayon.

Hinihintay kong makapag-online sa skype ang pinaka echosang mahal kong kaibigan. Pero busy pa ata sa kanyang bonding moments with friends, kaya dito na lang. Baka sakaling matulungan niyo pa ako.

Korni pala to. Bipolar-ish. Kaya beware na lang.

Ako ngayon ay. Rephrase that. I am currently in a. Hmm. I don't really know how to state this. Siguro nga, yan mahirap pag wala kayong label. Yes. I am in a relationship. But he's not my boyfriend yet. I'm not his girlfriend too. Oh di ba? Confusing? Special someone. Special siya sa buhay ko. Oo. Mahal ko. Pero natatakot lang ako minsang sabihin ang mga katagang I love you o ano pa man jan. Bakit? Mamaya na. Darating din tayo jan. Oo yun na. Basta ispesyal siya sa akin. M.U., more than friends, exclusively dating, tawagin mo na lahat. Yan. Pasok kami jan.

Ako din naman ang may gusto nito eh. Kung tutuusin, pwede ko na siyang sagutin. Pero may kasunduan lang talaga ako sa sarili ko na AYAW ko pang magkaroon ng boyfriend hangga't di pa ako tapos sa kolehiyo. KORNI KO NOH? Maria Clara 2013? Ewan ko ba sa akin. Saan ko ba to nakuha. Gusto ko lang din yun. And I don't want to break that promise. Weird na nga talaga siguro ako. Pwede na akong ipasok sa mental.

Eto ngayon, si special someone, si BOY 1, mabait naman siya. Understanding. Caring. Loving. Supportive. Napapatawa niya ako kahit napaka ewan na ng jokes niya. Walang problema. Ay hindi, kung walang problema, di dapat ako malungkot ngayon. So ano nga ba talaga ang problema?

Busy siya. Busy din ako. Busy kaming dalawa. Naiintindihan ko naman yun. Pero may mga oras lang talaga na, I am put into a fight versus myself. Why? Because my mind is not coinciding with what my hearts feels. Let me give you an example for a better understanding.

Yesterday, our department had a technical exhibit in one of the biggest malls here in the city. He's part of the main working committee because basically, he is the PRO in the student government in our school (School of Engineering and Architecture). So yeah. Very busy. In charge of something, of everything. Busy din naman ako. Klase sa umaga with matching PAASCU dialogue sa umaga then hosting gig doon din sa exhibit. Nung tapos na ang segment ko, ay ang saya ng puso ko. Iniisip niya na YES! Pwede kong ma invite si boy 1 kasi nasa mall na lang rin man kami, kain na lang kami. UNFORTUNATELY, may meeting pala sila pagkatapos nun. Nahulog ang mundo ni puso. No chance. Para naman kay isip, okay lang yan. Umintindi ka lang. Trabaho lang. Pero yun nga, conflict of interests na sila ni puso. Patay tayo diyan.

When he offered to accompany me on the way to the jeepney terminal, I refused. He insisted. I threatened him that I would punch him if he would insist more. Alam ko sasabihin niyo na napakatanga ko. Nag offer na nga yung tao, tinanggihan ko pa. Alam ko. Dahil yan din yung naramdaman ko nung ako'y naglalakad ng mag isa papunta sa sakayan. But I realized, I have done that because I don't want to miss him EVEN MORE. It's like yes he would accompany me but what? After? He would not go with me. He will just stay there. Go back inside because HE HAS A MEETING. So para saan pa na ihahatid niya ako? Maiwan na lang siya dun. Di pa sasakit lalo ang damdamin ko sa fact na di kami pwede magsama ng matagal. Pero meron din naman akong kadramahan side. Di naman talaga ako umuwi agad. I mean, nag lakad lakad pa ako. Pumunta pa ako sa 3rd flr. Umikot-ikot. Bakit? Tinext ko kasi siya kung pwede ba siyang tumakas. Bad influence na kung bad influence. Pero gusto ko lang talaga siya makasama kahapon. Halos tatlong linggo na rin kaming di nagkakasama. Ayun. But that whole time where I wandered around the mall, I didn't receive a reply. So I finally decided to go home, rode a jeepney, then mukmok dito sa bahay. Like inisip ko agad yung ginawa ko. Palaka. Nasabi ko sa kanya yun? Tumakas? Nagawa kong maglakad lakad para lamang maghintay sa text na alam ko naman ang sagot na hindi pwede? Eh tinanggihan ko nga yung offer niya na samahan ako, tapos ako pa may karapatang magalit?

That. That is the biggest question I am questioning to myself now. WHY? Why do I feel this way? Maybe I am a possessive person in my last life and it's reflecting now. But I have developed more my emotions that's why I know too that being possessive is bad. That demanding time with boy 1 is wrong when seriously, he has more important priorities to make. That's why I've told you earlier that it's a fight between heart and mind --- a fight between myself and myself. Heart wants to kidnap him yesterday so that we could be together but mind knows that it's wrong so no, go home and understand him. A fight between should I get mad at him or not? Bakit naman ako magagalit? Bakit naman ako hindi magagalit?

Kaya naman ngayon kelangan ko talaga ng napakagandang advice. Yung tipong malulunod ako sa words of wisdom. Eh pano, si pinaka echosang love ko na friend out of coverage area pa. Eto na naman tayo. Sa susunod na lang.

Tama nga rin pala. Wala akong karapatan. Di ko naman siya boyfriend. Kaya parang null and void lahat ng pinagsasabi ko dito. Bzzz.

Ang hiraaaaaaaaaap! Napakakomplikado! Pero ako lang din naman ata ang nagpapakomplikado sa sitwasyon ko. Napakahirap lang talagang kalabanin ang sarili mo. It's so hard to carry a thing wherein you are not used to carrying.

Takot pa rin pala akong masaktan. Akala ko okay na. Napakataas at napakalakas pa rin pala ng mga bakurang ginawa ko. Kaya siguro halos di ko masabi-sabi ang tatlong most essential words in a relationship.

I love you.

*straightjacket feeling*

OH THESE TIMES ARE HARD YEAH THEY'RE MAKING US CRAZY DON'T GIVE UP ON ME BABY

SAD

• Screwed my Digital Communications quiz yesterday.
• Can't seem to grasp school lately.
• Project/school stuffs overload
• Feels tired. Really tired.
• Should have seen you before you go but WHAT. THE. HECK.

HAPPY

• Friends who have just passed the NLE.
• Jinky top 8.
• 84 on my Philosophy subject.

I really feel down these days. I thought I have recovered already from that not so good birthday aftermath. But yeah, looks like I still haven't. I thought I could celebrate my birthday again but yeah, looks like again it will be postponed further.

Sigh. :(

RESHUMEY

Will my resume forgive me for not having so much to write on the awards and clubs portion? Been thinking of things lately. But I stay still on where I find happiness.

Yesterday, we had this guidance session. And in that session, we were asked to make a resume draft. I was kinda bothered that I had so little to write on the awards and clubs portion. Really, little.

Recently, I had offers on running for certain positions --- club president, course representative. At first I got interested. But then again, I said no. Why? I thought of my happiness. If I became one of it, I won't be able to sleep that much. I won't be able to study that much. My concentration on my thesis will be divided. Maybe I can't join the basketball team. I won't have so much time with friends. I won't have so much time with my family. I won't have time with the creature who puts a convex curve on my lips.

It's not a sin to be happy, isn't it? I just choose to be happy. I just choose where my heart and mind will have peace. Being a leader is not just about the title or the position. You can be a leader; you can serve the people even if you are just a commoner. Being a good leader means being a good follower.

I hope my resume can forgive me. More importantly, I hope my employer will see more than just the writings on those papers. Most importantly, I hope I will be happy on whatever work I'll have and wherever work I'll go. Hope my colleagues won't be so hard on me. :)

LOVE